Monday, May 25, 2009

Good times were had by all...

Okay, no no - that was a lie. See, I'm a great marketer. I lured you in with a catchy jingle and promises of whoozits whatsit, but the product was of poor quality and misrepresented. OOOPS! So maybe that title was a bit misleading, but no takesies backsies... You're here and now you have to read about it!

I guess, first, I'd like to say it started out really really shitty. If anyone has deduced that I may not be a morning person, it won't really earn you anything because everyone on earth should know that. However, when my phone rang at 7:30am I knew something was wrong. I clamored out of the shower only to see my real dads number on the caller ID. Sigh.
I shouldn't answer...
But maybe it's important...
If it's important he'll leave a message...
For gods sake, how old are you anyways? Just answer the phone.

ME: Hello?
HIM: (Funny voice) Yes, this is the *company I work for* corporate office. We're sorry to inform you that we're going through another round of layoffs and unfortunately we're not going to be needing your services anymore... So luckily for you, you can go ahead and go back to bed.
ME: .........
HIM: hahahahahahahahahahaha

Am I the only one who thinks that is just about the shittiest most fucked up way to ask your daughter to lunch because you are going to be in town? What an asshole. There were two other jokes, one involving him leaving his debts and responsibilities to me should something happen during surgery and a follow up call pretending to be the doctor letting me know my father had passed away.


I should mention that during the ENTIRE delivery of the aforementioned jokes, I continuously repeated "This is not funny, I don't think this is funny, this is not funny, please stop I don't find this even remotely funny" to which he finished and laughed heartily anyways.

I am ashamed that this is a part of me. I am also hurt. I am also so confused. Without the droning on of the poor me's and the is this normals... I'll just stop. No one wants to read all the drivel.

Everyone has their demons. Their hauntings. The shadow that follows them wherever they go.


Mintzworks May 28, 2009 at 4:06 AM  

and yet when he does pass away, this'll be the shit you remember and cry about.

which is weird and sucks, but it's probably true.

I take it your real dad hadn't yet read my blog about the top ten things daddies should do for thier children.

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