Olive Oil Obsessions

I recently made a trip down to We Olive in Fig Garden Village. We Olive is great because they have most of their products out on display to try. For those of you who know me, I'm an antipasto plate LOVER and We Olive holds all the little delicacies I need to display quite a spread!

I'm all about bread and dipping oil and drizzling olive oil over my tomatoes and avocados, etc.

My favorite every day olive oil is a garlic infused olive oil from Consorzio. (You can get a giant bottle at Costco for under $10!!)

For dipping I just tried (and might I add, already finished!!) a bottle of Made In Napa Valley Parmesan and Garlic dipping oil. I actually only used it for dipping bread into it, but you could totally pour this on stuff to! ALL THUMBS UP!

The other olive oil I tried is a lime infused olive oil from Pasolivo. The possibilities are endless for this one! I drizzle it on avocado, add it to guacamole, and add a tad to my tortilla soup. It's just about the most heavenly thing ever. This one is a little pricey at $20 a bottle, but you don't need much and it will go far AND IT'S WORTH IT!

Look, Listen, Learn...

I haven't done a product or place review in a while... So here it goes!

LOOK!

This weekend I took a trip to We Olive in the Fig Garden Village. I just love that place because it has every little thing that I want to taste and cook with and snack on! Besides a bevy of different olive oils, there are dipping oils, spreads, and home marinated olives. Go there, it's heaven.

LISTEN!
 

WHOA - sorry, that may be a bit of a shock from the We Olive thing, huh? Sorry. If you didn't know, I listen to a pretty wide variety of music. The above picture is of Har Mar Superstar doing his "thang" up on stage. I've seen him twice in concert and this shocking display definitely caught my attention. He's sort of a strange unattractive man that has such confidence, such swagger that all the ladies throw themselves at him. Yeah, even I have a bit of a crush on him. Enough that I named my puppy after him. Hey, who's more of a lady killer than him??

ANYWAYS - I just found out that HarMar Superstar just put out a new album - which I immediately bought on iTunes and it hasn't left my CD player YET! Watch the video if you dare:


LEARN:
Seems like everyone I know has been sick lately *knock on wood* and my plan for health involves MASS amounts of Vitamin C and a revolutionary cureall drink. Walk into the light with me and let's all start drinking KAMBUCHA!!!!!!

I think drinking this is a bit of a cult thing, but count me in as a BELIEVER. When I bought the first bottle, the cashier made a special call to someone who took me into a back room and explained to me all it's magical powers. I've heard everything from it can break a 104 fever to cure cancer. It's sort of fermented and kinda tastes like vinegar, but this isn't helping sell you on it, is it?! OMG! Just try the grape flavored one and let me know what you think! I have like 1/2 a cup a day and I get a burst of energy and feel great and I'm still healthy. RAWK!

OK FOLKS... I'm out. Catch ya later!

To-Go Ware

Hey Everybody!

Just got something cool and thought I'd share. I found this cool set of reusable bamboo utensils at Whole Foods.

You can pick whatever color you want, but I picked orange because it's my favorite color. It was a little pricey (Like $10) but it has a cool carabiner to clip on your lunch box or picnic basket and comes with not only a knife, fork, and spoon, but ALSO chopsticks! I've used it several times and it's just the best thing ever!

This is a perfect way to look cool and save our wonderful mother earth. Quit throwing stuff away people! Just do this!

Low brow and above the bar...

So I was girly'ing it up last weekend and decided to go to the mall. I had some MAC makeup to recycle and needed a couple things.

On my way through the make-up section, I was stopped by a carni lovely lady who asked if I knew that Benefit makeup now had a eyebrow and lip waxing station... They call it the Benefit bar. No, Jolena, I did NOT know that! So, being that it was my birthday week, I thought, WHY NOT!?

There are varying prices, but pros would be:

• No appointments necessary
• Brow and Lip wax was $27 but that also includes retouching of your makeup
• Quick, professional, and painless

I'm sold. Plus, I wound up buying several of their products and I absolutely love Benefit makeup now. I've always only used Mac makeup, but that stuff has a bit too much the whore flair, so Benefit is awesome because it's got a really light natural feel to it which is more my style.

Hopefully, you will take a chance and give it a try. I give the whole experience two thumbs up.

It's becoming clear to me that my expectations are waaay too high...

I'm going to complain, make fun, and generally be a catty bitch in this post... so move right along if you're not into that kind of thing.

Five things you need to know, do, or point and laugh at...

1) I have a problem with commercials. This is why I pay for TiVo. I compulsively fast forward, but every once in a while I'm assaulted by something truly disturbing. Has anyone seen the one where mother nature is an evil woman who shows up carrying a red box and gives women their "monthly gift" at uncool times like on a first date or as you are wearing all white and landing your private jet on a Hawaiian beach with girlfriends? Really? And I KNOW the illustration didn't just show a red box bouncing around in there trying to get out. Yeah... Seriously... Personally, I don't think a white bathing suit is a good idea ever, but really? I could talk for hours about this.

1a) It's about drinkability. REALLY? This is your beverage marketing slogan? It's DRINKABLE? I find this to be SOOO HUMOROUS that it is, in fact, bothersome. Not better tasting, not less filling, not low calorie... IT'S DRINKABLE? hahaha *puke* hahaha

1b) Okay, I have a serious commercial problem!!! The Charmin Toilet Paper Company MUST BE STOPPED. These filthy disgusting bears and their love of public defecation MUST BE STOPPED. I just saw one last night where they all drive around together in a car, stop in the woods, and take a big family dump. There are no words to describe my horror.

Moving On...

2) I was at Dollar Tree the other day. It was clearly the first time the lady in front of me had been there. She asks the cashier, "How much are the balloons you have over there?" He says, "I think they are a dollar." She counters with, "How much are the foil balloons?" He says, "Actually, those are a dollar too." Does she have a vision problem as well, or are the 75 EVERYTHING'S A DOLLAR posters really really confusing?

Then the people behind me bust in and ask the cashier, "How about these candy bars? The box says 59 cents." The cashier must get this a lot because he says, "Then they must be 59 cents." I however observed the sign says "2 for $1." It's a little scary going out in public sometimes. Very simple concepts confuse people and I'm terrified for the future now.

3) I have a tax man who lives up in Oakhurst. He is a strange man, but his dad used to do my dads taxes so it's sort of a family thing. Once a year I have the privilege of driving up north to cram myself into this strange uneven room. His table is just a GIANT tree stump and the ceiling slopes so that you sort of have to crawl into your chair. It's a crazy HEAVY old orangy chair and there are papers EVERYWHERE. He always keeps an ice chest behind him with Hansen's soda in it and when I leave, I come home with a little tidbit worth sharing.

A few years ago, he shared with me that he enjoys taking a dip in his spa in the morning before coming to work. Fairly normal and not noteworthy right? Did I forget to mention he is always joined by his pet turkey? HAHAHA Uhhh, what?? I was too shocked to really ask any questions, but isn't that called making soup? Isn't that how you cook lobster? I mean, turkeys shouldn't be in the spa, right? Tell me that's strange so I feel better about myself. (PS - he is the nicest guy and does a GREAT job, but I had to share the turkey thing.) I can't make this up people.

4) I had a Mountain Dew "Throwback" the other day. I don't think I have a clear understanding of what the term "Throwback" means. To me it has negative connotations. If it's no good you throw it back, right? As a dew purist, I thought it was gross. I'd rather have the original or nothing at all. High fructose corn syrup FTW!

5) I just want to talk to people who work in the food industry here at good ole #5. I know your job is hard. I know everyone is different and most people are douche's to you. I know most people don't tip well. Now that we've covered a few of the basics that I know, can we talk about some stuff? Friend to friend? I LOVE FOOD. Food and me go WAY back. It's ritualistic and comforting and practically orgasmic. That being said, I think you should understand that I am happy and excited to be in your establishment. However, lets just set a few ground rules here.

The last 3 restaurants I ate at totally fucked up the dance. Don't act like you didn't know eating out is a finely choreographed dance, it SOO is.
*Please allow me to sit down and put my purse down before you are already spewing off your specials. I'm still standing... REALLY?

*Please follow the order of things. I just ate at a place that brought my chips & salsa, guacamole, bean soup, AND entree all at the same time. Then they took my drink order!! The food was DELICIOUS, but I was so disappointed because it was too much.

*Allow me time. Speed is not everything!! Sometimes my entire plan for the night is to enjoy my companions company. I want to chitty chat and savor my tapenade and flatbread. I want to tell a funny story and then get really excited about my beet salad. I want time to reminisce while waiting in hungry expectation for my designer pizza. Get it? The waiting, the expectation, the tease... It's like sex. Can I get a little foreplay PLEASE?**

So anyways, that's what was on my mind today. :)




**Now is NOT the time for your comments to offer advice on my sex life, I'm just trying to be funny here...

Teazers Schmeazers - E.M.W. Tea is where it's at!

OOHHHHHH YEAH, I SAID IT!! I said it and everyone in Fresno just did a collective cringe. You people love that Teazers place. Actually, I've never been there, so my crap talking doesn't hold much validity. Since we're friends, I'll let you in on a little secret: I don't even like tea! I'm more of a Mtn Dew girl if you can imagine that!

However, I think you all need to take a little trip to the north side. We have a tea place too and I come here often!

E.M.W. Tea is located on the South West corner of Champlain and Perrin. It's in the Savemart and Campagnia parking lot.

To save you hours of contemplation, EMW stands for East Meets West. (Took me forever to figure that out!)

There are so many cool things about this place. I think it's deserving of bullet points.

• They are open late! Sunday - Thursday 11am - 10pm and Friday - Saturday 11am - 11pm.


• There are cute little seats outside.


• Besides rows and rows of teas to choose from, they also have slushies, and my new obsession BOBA!


• The most expensive thing on the menu is $4, the slushies are only $1, and with the card every 6th one is free!!


• They have THE COOLEST lid maker. My friends no longer enjoy going with me because I get SOO excited about this sealer thing. I tried to take a video of it, but I chickened out at the last minute. JUST GO SEE IT FOR YOURSELF!


• Head on back and there are cute little chairs and couches and a TV with board games and video games.


• The greatest Super Nintendo Tetris Attack player of all time, Roger, will come out from behind the counter and destroy any sense of pride, skill, or self esteem you considered having. Okay, that one may not be a selling point, but it was memorable that's for sure!


• Roger, the self-esteem slayer from above is on twitter! Follow him @emwtea

What are you waiting for!?!? Come check this place out! I recommend the Thai Iced Tea with Boba. MMMMM

No-No Topiaries

Wait, what are we talking about? Nothing appropriate, I can pretty much guarantee you that.

I thought part of my big impressive word I made up but have no idea what it means City Blogging Focus could be to include Product Reviews. Who else can you trust to tell you about stuff no one else is awkwardly uncomfortable enough to say?? Yeah, that's what I thought.

You may or may not be an avid reader of the BeeHive, but one of their recent posts was about then new Schick Quattro For Women Trimstyle Razor. At first I was horrified by the commercial. Being a detail oriented person, I was quite disturbed to see gardening gone awry. I mean, who knew "bush" had another meaning? The giant morphing No-No Topiaries were about all I could handle.


Although shaken and disturbed, I reflected upon my previous musings where I lamented having to give up my brazilians and thought... I wanna try this thing!! Apparently the entire nation was in a deep congo of crisis though because every frickin store in town was SOLD OUT for 3 weeks straight!

I finally got my hands on one this weekend. Now would be a good time to mention that my internal dialog has taken a detour. She wants to know why I am reviewing a product that 1) is putting WAAAY to much personal information on the internet and 2) I can't even show you photos of my handywork. Well, I could, but talk about a redefined blog focus. HAHAHAHA

Anyways, it was $10 and came with a wall holder AND the necessary AAA battery (which never happens!!) it's water proof, easy to use, and overall I like it! Word to the wise, should your shower share a wall with your still sleeping roommates bedroom, you might want to disclaim what the noisy electronic buzzing sound is before she draws some rather unsavory conclusions about you. Ha Ha Ha

How's that for a product review?