WHOA I'm WAY behind!

I think I told you guys to check back for some pictures of what I've been up to!

A popular question from my friends tends to be: "So, besides running, what have you been up to?"

*Crickets*
*Eerie silence*

There's something else other than running? HAHA

Apparently, there is, but not around these parts! My every meal, sleep cycle, and purchase is seeming to revolve around that right now. So Just bear with me here, it MAY come up again!

Here is a text conversation that THOROUGHLY amused me:

I can see now, this is gonna be more of a food blog today. I'm really having to eat a lot! And in a different order. It's throwing me for a loop! I'm supposed to eat breakfast which grieves me deeply! My parents have a nectarine tree though, and I have been enjoying some fresh fruits. I mean, hello Central Valley, we have the best produce in the world available at our fingertips! SEE....?

And not just fruit, but vegetables too. If you think you dislike tomatoes but you've never had a homegrown one, THINK AGAIN! I don't care how ripe or red or whatever, one that comes off the vine of your friends moms tomato plant is the juiciest, meatiest, tastiest thing ever. EVAH! As a close second, have you ever tried heirloom tomatoes?  If not, get your ass to Whole Foods - they are in season now and pretty orgasmic. LOOK at this mountain of heaven!

Last week I made a 5 ingredient pasta that blew my mind! So easy, so tasty! Click here to view the recipes I've posted on Taste Fresno!

Also, I tried the new Eureka! Burger on Palm & Nees. I'm getting tired and don't really feel like writing a full review of the place, I will only say that they are new and have some kinks to work out. And also, I think they were thoroughly befuddled by their own homemade veggie burger. (1) They made it with beets which is disconcerting to see a bright red/purple thing under the bun. (2) It was barely cooked and had the consistency of an avocado, so while the flavor was good, it was mushy and unappetizing!

Yep, that's all I got for now. Ran 11 miles this morning (The furthest EVER!) and now prepping for bed because I need to meet the group tomorrow morning for another 6 miles at 7am!!

I'm with you in spirit...

Seriously, you guys... I think about blogging about 10 times a day, but it's just so hard to make time. I don't know when I genie blinked and suddenly got a life, but yeah, I'm having trouble keeping up my virtual persona! Can you ever forgive me???

Seriously, I'm exhausted, laying on the couch at 10:38pm and just wanting to go to sleep, but FOR YOU, I will persevere.

Know what I did today? Let me tell you...

1st, I had to get to work early for a 7:30am meeting. (Do you remember I'm not a morning person?)
2nd, I had to eat a banana as part of my new meal plan. I do NOT like bananas and was about to just end it all lest I be forced to take one more bite when I decided half a banana is all this grown ass woman can handle! *pew pew*
3rd, I'm off the red bull, I've reduced my soda intake to more than 1 a day, but increased my water drinking to ONE GALLON per day. So 3rd, I spent about 60% of the rest of my day walking back and forth to the effing restroom. God I hate water!
4th, I finally left work after 10 hours and headed to the gym where I paid for a hot guy to mentally and physically abuse me. We did this new timed thing where you race to complete 6 exercises at 50 x's each. So tonight I did: 50 pull ups, 50 push ups, 50 weighted squats, 50 weighted sit-up/leg lifts, 50 squat jumps, & 50 floor to ceiling weight lifts in 29 min! F*** Me!
5th, I returned home upon getting clearance to eat carbs tonight (Last night I about went to jail I was so ravenously hungry for chips or SOMETHING cuz I'm only supposed to eat my carbs in the morning~!) and made the biggest burrito ever made. YUM!
6th, AND NOW I SIT HERE... all tapped out. Wanted to tell you all my thoughts and then realizing... there ain't much left folks. *sad face*


So yeah... maybe tomorrow I'll muster up the energy to post some pictures I've been saving for you. Stay tuned!

Taming my ego...

Now, I know I keep talking about exercise, but that was really just the catalyst to some emotional understanding, so bear with me.
Normally I avoid doing anything that I can't win at. I'm a very determined (nearly obsessive) and competitive person. I'm a perfectionist and hard on myself. Choosing this running thing is really testing me because I've had the realization that I will never win at it. I am not and never will be a contender. So do I stick with it? What is the point, really?

The run club that I've joined meets 6 days a week. On the weekends we do long runs and on Wednesdays at a local high school track for what they call speed work. Speed Work is a group of people RACING the following: 

*) Run 1 mile to warm up
*) Run 800 meters (Rest 90 sec)
*) Run 600 meters (Rest 90 sec)
*) Run 500 meters (Rest 90 sec)
*) Run 400 meters (Rest 90 sec)
*) Run 300 meters (Rest 90 sec)
*) Cool down (like 1/2 a mile)

That whole process takes about an hour. It's at 6pm which is about 100 degrees outside and it's miserable for everyone.

Yet, no matter how many people show up, I am dead last EVERY round, EVERY time.

60 year old men are lapping me and patting me on the back and saying "Good job kid, good job" which I feel is completely humiliating and patronized and awful! I have never been so embarrassed and discouraged in all my life. I turn red and I gasp for air and 90 seconds is not near enough time to recover my breath or my dignity. The tears well up in my eyes and it is nearly defeating. NEARLY. I don't know what makes me keep walking back out to that start line.

So, seriously, what the hell is going on out there?
What information am I to glean from these experiences?
Do I keep going knowing I'm hopelessly slow?
Why am I doing this?

I honestly feel like these are passionate gracious people who are simply tolerating my participation. Like how you would let a "challenged" child play on your team out of kindness even though they really offer ZERO contribution to the actual game.

I don't have any answers. I think at this point, my only resolve is to TRY and look at this differently. The ONLY thread I have is that I'm there. I'm doing it week after week. I'm doing the best I can.

That's it. That's all I've got.

Same Sh*t, Different Day

But oddly enough, I'm okay with it. I just really really hate being a one-track record. Isn't that weird? I'm more concerned with people thinking I'm boring or uneven than I am about my own feelings about my life.

Truth is, I'm very focused right now and I like it. I actually have a huge insurmountable goal ahead of me that I don't think I can do, which pretty much has guaranteed I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure I can do it!  Did that make sense?

I've told you all over and over again I'm a nervous person. Pushing myself to go out and do new things is draining because it requires a very strong self-talk! So when I can focus on some future event and fall into a pretty rigorous routine - I LIKE IT - It's good for me.

So what's this goal you say? I want to call myself a runner! You thought I was going to say it was running the half-marathon November 7th (Put it in your calendars please, I want you there with a big sign. EXTRA glittery!) didn't you? The actual marathon isn't the goal though. That's just the time frame I've given myself to FEEL like I'm a runner.

What does being a runner feel like? I don't know!
*Does it mean having expensive gear? Got that! (this is not a poor mans sport, jesus christ!)
*Does it mean running a certain number of miles per week? I'm doing at least 15 right now.
*Does it mean eating and stretching and dreaming and talking about it? Doing that too. (Sorry guys)
*Does it mean joining a running club and surrounding yourself with other people more passionate than you? Boy howdy did I pick a crazy and practically infamous running club.
*Does it mean entering competitive races? Did my 1st one July 4th and was able to beat my goal time which was very exciting.

Yeah, still not feeling it.

I got knocked down by my doctor who informed me I have environmentally induced asthma! No wonder all this work is still HARD! I'm on inhaler after inhaler too. UGH I hate taking medicine. But I'm stubborn and I've made my mind up this is what I'm going to do god dammit and I'm going to do it!

So that's what I do... I get up, I go to work, I go run/exercise/weight train, I meet with my running club, I try to nibble on something healthy and then fall asleep and start the whole process over.

Did you know today was my birthday? What did I do, you ask? I kept my 7:30pm training appointment, that's what I did! WHY? Because I could be out and eating and drinking, but the real gift to myself is one of health of peace of mind that I'm doing everything I can to accomplish my one big huge insurmountable goal! YAY ME!

Next blog... Taming the ego!

Last weeks re-cap in pictures (NOW INCLUDING UTTER DEVASTATION)

I outed myself as a "Big Cherry" lover!

I accomplished a major goal on my marathon journey Sunday. It may not be much, and I'm actually pretty hard on myself so it's not actually enough either, BUT it IS something I've never done before. I ran 5.25 miles! I've never ran that far EVER. Sadly, it's only 1/3 of what I need to complete my Half Marathon, but I'm gonna keep going.

While I was on that journey, it rewarded me with a breathtaking sunset.

I also got my hair done! Fluorescent red! Thanks Troy!

I had a great time tasting wine this last weekend and Vino 100, but since I'm a wine club member, it's the gift that keeps on giving. This months selection is Yummy Yumma. One of the few whites I'm loving.
Here's the Clayhouse Adobe White and it's under $15!!

And while I normally stick with Chardonnay, I tried this Sauvignon Blanc by Ancient Peaks and it's a keeper too!

If you doubted - HarMar is still the sweetest, even when he's in "The Wild"... and by that, I mean peeing on all my moms patio furniture in the inner courtyard.

Sometimes, they make it seem like a bad thing to walk around with your head in the clouds, but when I look up I always wind up scrambling for my camera. Aren't these clouds fantastic?

NOW - PREPARE FOR WORST... LOOK what is wrecking my world right now... My precious beloved Chocodile has betrayed me. Is nothing sacred? Must everything that I love be taken from me? I don't know if I'll ever stop grieving. Why am I a vegetarian. WHY?!

I may have to take another sabbatical from my blog just to deal with the depth of my despair!

Something tells me...

...that when a hot 21 year old musclebound man leaves you dripping wet and out of breath, it SHOULD be a good thing.

But it's not... it's SOOOOO NOT.

Actually, I'd like to introduce you to Erik. He's my trainer at Fitness Together. He puts up with my CONSTANT complaining like a champ, he stays calm while I challenge ever single thing he asks me to do, and he's just a really good person.

Anyways, today's training session was BRUTAL! I actually had to pause for a minute because I feared I would throw up. I've got 6 months before this stupid marathon and I'm pretty sure this is the stupidest idea I've ever had, but I'm kind of committed now! Tonight I actually re-upped my training plan to go Tuesday and Thursday every week and I'm going to try and join a running club this weekend.

There's something wrong with me right? 

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.