A good cornhole game, I guarantee you'll enjoy it!

So I said I'd post something that amused me.

Salespeople often send out followup letters to their customer base. I'm sure you've gotten them if you've ever bought a car, etc. Anyways, I was given some letters the business had received to see if any of the wording used was good for us to incorporate into our own company followup letters.

I'm innocently reading along and BAM, I discover this gem...

I just keep reading it and re-reading it, and it gets funnier EVERY time. Brilliant! Just brilliant!

Of course, someone spoiled all the fun and informed me that a game of cornhole is a bean bag toss. I was WAAAAY off! LOL

Hope this got you to chuckle! Happy Monday!

Magic Milk Straws - REALLY?!

I must be REALLY observant. Like really, really. Things just catch my eye and they either amuse me or disturb me greatly.

Let's start with what disturbed me first.  (Check back later for an amusing post)

I'm at Target and I see these things called "Milk Straws"... Besides taking a detour to tell the general public.... GEEZZUSS CHRIST you can get calcium from sources other than what the dairy industry owned government brainwashed you into thinking was only milk... Is it really a problem to get your kids to drink milk?? I don't know, this is why I have a dog, so if he's bad I can sell him. I think you get in trouble if you do that with your kids. Not quite sure, but since I have none it's a moot issue anyways.

So here is this prized STRAW. Mmmmm strawberry milk is good right? Oh, and whats this? MAGIC Milk Straws. That's WAY better than a regular already made up thing any day, right?

However, I can't help myself. I wish ignorance was bliss, but I need to know - What's in a MAGIC MILK STRAW?

Oh no shit, you don't say?? Not just one, or two, but THREE different derivatives of SUGAR?!?! REALLY???? Uh huh. Yeah, it's real important your kids drink that milk right? I find my kids drink their milk better when I shoot them full of MAGIC heroin. Certainly the negative effects of that are counterbalanced and THEN SOME by the worlds only source of calcium, right? RIGHT?

Very disturbing folks, VERY DISTURBING!

WHOA I'm WAY behind!

I think I told you guys to check back for some pictures of what I've been up to!

A popular question from my friends tends to be: "So, besides running, what have you been up to?"

*Crickets*
*Eerie silence*

There's something else other than running? HAHA

Apparently, there is, but not around these parts! My every meal, sleep cycle, and purchase is seeming to revolve around that right now. So Just bear with me here, it MAY come up again!

Here is a text conversation that THOROUGHLY amused me:

I can see now, this is gonna be more of a food blog today. I'm really having to eat a lot! And in a different order. It's throwing me for a loop! I'm supposed to eat breakfast which grieves me deeply! My parents have a nectarine tree though, and I have been enjoying some fresh fruits. I mean, hello Central Valley, we have the best produce in the world available at our fingertips! SEE....?

And not just fruit, but vegetables too. If you think you dislike tomatoes but you've never had a homegrown one, THINK AGAIN! I don't care how ripe or red or whatever, one that comes off the vine of your friends moms tomato plant is the juiciest, meatiest, tastiest thing ever. EVAH! As a close second, have you ever tried heirloom tomatoes?  If not, get your ass to Whole Foods - they are in season now and pretty orgasmic. LOOK at this mountain of heaven!

Last week I made a 5 ingredient pasta that blew my mind! So easy, so tasty! Click here to view the recipes I've posted on Taste Fresno!

Also, I tried the new Eureka! Burger on Palm & Nees. I'm getting tired and don't really feel like writing a full review of the place, I will only say that they are new and have some kinks to work out. And also, I think they were thoroughly befuddled by their own homemade veggie burger. (1) They made it with beets which is disconcerting to see a bright red/purple thing under the bun. (2) It was barely cooked and had the consistency of an avocado, so while the flavor was good, it was mushy and unappetizing!

Yep, that's all I got for now. Ran 11 miles this morning (The furthest EVER!) and now prepping for bed because I need to meet the group tomorrow morning for another 6 miles at 7am!!

I'm with you in spirit...

Seriously, you guys... I think about blogging about 10 times a day, but it's just so hard to make time. I don't know when I genie blinked and suddenly got a life, but yeah, I'm having trouble keeping up my virtual persona! Can you ever forgive me???

Seriously, I'm exhausted, laying on the couch at 10:38pm and just wanting to go to sleep, but FOR YOU, I will persevere.

Know what I did today? Let me tell you...

1st, I had to get to work early for a 7:30am meeting. (Do you remember I'm not a morning person?)
2nd, I had to eat a banana as part of my new meal plan. I do NOT like bananas and was about to just end it all lest I be forced to take one more bite when I decided half a banana is all this grown ass woman can handle! *pew pew*
3rd, I'm off the red bull, I've reduced my soda intake to more than 1 a day, but increased my water drinking to ONE GALLON per day. So 3rd, I spent about 60% of the rest of my day walking back and forth to the effing restroom. God I hate water!
4th, I finally left work after 10 hours and headed to the gym where I paid for a hot guy to mentally and physically abuse me. We did this new timed thing where you race to complete 6 exercises at 50 x's each. So tonight I did: 50 pull ups, 50 push ups, 50 weighted squats, 50 weighted sit-up/leg lifts, 50 squat jumps, & 50 floor to ceiling weight lifts in 29 min! F*** Me!
5th, I returned home upon getting clearance to eat carbs tonight (Last night I about went to jail I was so ravenously hungry for chips or SOMETHING cuz I'm only supposed to eat my carbs in the morning~!) and made the biggest burrito ever made. YUM!
6th, AND NOW I SIT HERE... all tapped out. Wanted to tell you all my thoughts and then realizing... there ain't much left folks. *sad face*


So yeah... maybe tomorrow I'll muster up the energy to post some pictures I've been saving for you. Stay tuned!

It's a simple life...

There's a lake that's not too far from here and my parents have a boat. My dad and brother and I cruised up to Millerton for a real quick trip. We were probably there and back within 2 hours LOL but it was awesome!

I did ride the innertube for a minute, but it sorta splashed all in my eyes and face and I figured I didn't need that business so I called it an afternoon! I remember as kids we owned the lake. Oh to be young again!

Either way, it was a great afternoon. Sometimes you just have to take a minute remember that sometimes it's a simple life, but it's a good life!

I want words - to make you sweat...

I think you've read before that I would consider myself a word nerd. I really do love words and language. I'm not saying I'm the best at it or anything, but there's something in my brain that just hangs onto words. I had a friend who said the word "reciprocate" to me on the phone the other day. It's like the word was in my own mouth. Like I could roll it around and practically taste it. Like it's no longer a word but a tangible entity. For me, I would describe that word as round and wet and tart. Does that even make sense? Does anyone else experience that?

Anyways, on my way down to San Diego this weekend I was having a bit of trouble with my FM transmitter and started scavenging for CD's. I'm pretty much all digital so it was a gamble if I had any at all! What I came across was something I bought at a poetry/spoken word event I attended last year. I hadn't really listened to it and now I had silence in the car to soak it all in.

Listen to this and tell me it's not the sexiest thing you've ever heard. The words and his expression of the power of words, plain and simple, turns me on.

Weekend Re-cap

For those of you who follow me on multiple mediums (Foursquare, Facebook, Twitter, etc) I'm sorry for the duplication...

For those of you who only read this blog and don't know, I went to San Diego (La Jolla) to visit my friend Shana. She was the ultimate hostess and we had the best time catching up, eating good food, and exploring her new city.

We went to Coronado Island and had lunch which was so cool. And also cool as in Fresno temps were around 108 and San Diego was like 83 and breezy!

We also took HarMar to the beach. He'd never been before and for a nervous little dog, he charged right into the ocean head first. It was SO CUTE!

There's something about water though. It's so soothing. Couldn't you just sit and stare at this forever? Pretty sure I could solve all the worlds problems with just 1 nights time pondering right here..

Anyways, I didn't take pictures of everything, but overall it was a great weekend. We slept in. We ate at quaint little outdoor restaurants. I even got up early and went for an exploration 5 mile run through La Jolla. HarMar even put on his best duds and accompanied us to the mall. In case you had to ask, he was THE MOST popular person/man/thing/dog in the city, that's for sure.

So what did you all do? And where's the pictures?!

My Nemesis has Returned!!!!!

That fucking bear is back... That dirty bear... He haunts my dreams... Hell, he stalks my fucking house!

Has anyone else received mail directly from Charmin? Of all the people in the world, it comes to me? ME?!

Read HERE, HERE, and HERE for my feelings on toilet paper advertising.

You all say I should quit talking about it, but what do I have to do? Take out a restraining order on this foul feces covered bear and his poorly hygiened family to make the assaults in my home stop? Look what just came in the mail!!

What the hell does that even mean? For a clean you will notice? What sort of "UNcleanness" is the general public experiencing right now where this marketing slogan is getting results?

I know I keep writing about it, but in all reality, I'm dumbfounded. I'm speechless. I'm in awe! Also, I'm pretty fucking offended too.

Can someone make it stop!?

Louie Louie Louis CK

I seem to have a thing for severely inappropriate comedians. Like when you have to listen to them alone because you're not sure any of your friends could handle it. Or like when you're pretty sure he has serial killer potential.

The two shows I'm obsessed with right now are Louis CK (Louie on FX) and Daniel Tosh (Tosh.0 on Comedy Central).
I love both their comedy and their TV shows. You should check them out! Just don't judge me or think of me when you watch/listen to them though!

Lighten up...

Yeah, I was on hiatus for like 2 months and then I came back all focused and upset and discouraged.

Sorry about that. Here's a cute picture of HarMar floating in the pool.

He HATES water, until you give him a floaty... Then he sails off on his own happy as a little clam. HA! I love him.

Taming my ego...

Now, I know I keep talking about exercise, but that was really just the catalyst to some emotional understanding, so bear with me.
Normally I avoid doing anything that I can't win at. I'm a very determined (nearly obsessive) and competitive person. I'm a perfectionist and hard on myself. Choosing this running thing is really testing me because I've had the realization that I will never win at it. I am not and never will be a contender. So do I stick with it? What is the point, really?

The run club that I've joined meets 6 days a week. On the weekends we do long runs and on Wednesdays at a local high school track for what they call speed work. Speed Work is a group of people RACING the following: 

*) Run 1 mile to warm up
*) Run 800 meters (Rest 90 sec)
*) Run 600 meters (Rest 90 sec)
*) Run 500 meters (Rest 90 sec)
*) Run 400 meters (Rest 90 sec)
*) Run 300 meters (Rest 90 sec)
*) Cool down (like 1/2 a mile)

That whole process takes about an hour. It's at 6pm which is about 100 degrees outside and it's miserable for everyone.

Yet, no matter how many people show up, I am dead last EVERY round, EVERY time.

60 year old men are lapping me and patting me on the back and saying "Good job kid, good job" which I feel is completely humiliating and patronized and awful! I have never been so embarrassed and discouraged in all my life. I turn red and I gasp for air and 90 seconds is not near enough time to recover my breath or my dignity. The tears well up in my eyes and it is nearly defeating. NEARLY. I don't know what makes me keep walking back out to that start line.

So, seriously, what the hell is going on out there?
What information am I to glean from these experiences?
Do I keep going knowing I'm hopelessly slow?
Why am I doing this?

I honestly feel like these are passionate gracious people who are simply tolerating my participation. Like how you would let a "challenged" child play on your team out of kindness even though they really offer ZERO contribution to the actual game.

I don't have any answers. I think at this point, my only resolve is to TRY and look at this differently. The ONLY thread I have is that I'm there. I'm doing it week after week. I'm doing the best I can.

That's it. That's all I've got.

CHECK-UP!

Well, most peoples new years resolutions are pretty long gone by now. I actually take mine pretty seriously and since yesterday was my birthday and almost exactly the half way point in the year, I thought we should do a little check-up on my progress.

My resolutions for 2010 are:

1) Have 75% lung capacity by June (Last checkup was 53%)
     *Well, I was diagnosed with asthma, but thanks to some pretty serious medication I'm happy to report my appointment on 7/7 now has me at 74% !!! I'm a month late and 1% off, but I'll take it! I can now run up to 6 miles and I'm claiming victory here!

2) Be in good shape by July (So I can wear a really inappropriate bikini!)
     *This is all relative. I see things changing on my body, but I can still pick apart my fat thighs and butt and double chin... BUT I did wear a bikini in Las Vegas which it's own tag described as "VERY minimal" coverage and guys still talked to me... SO that's on the road to being in good shape I think!

3) Read 2 books (Books towards my personal betterment)
     *I'm blaming #6 on this one. I did read Wayne Dyer's "Change your thinking, change your life" based on the Tao and now I'm half way through "Eating Animals" but that's SLOW going. The book is great, but by the time I lay down to read anything, I just fall asleep with the book on my face. Hey, 1 book down, another half the year to finish book #2. ON TRACK for victory!

4) Practice stillness - think before you talk & act
     *You know, what do I know? I think I've been pretty good about quelling my instantaneous emotional reactions and just "waiting" out the intensity before I choose to say something... but this is probably something I'll work on for the rest of my life. Just keeping it in mind is enough of a victory for me.

5) Be kinder to my mom (I've been a little rough on her - she's a good mom)
     *Ummmm, mom, how do you think it's going?  Just as soon as she talks to me I feel like my insides clench (like a fighter clenching his fists) and it's all I can do to not snip back and get defensive. Every conversation is a lesson in #4 let me tell you. I don't know what it is, but there is something about the two of us that just goes from 0 to 100 in less than 5 seconds flat! Sorry mom, it's not you, it's me!

6) Watch less TV
     *FAIL! Major fail. I love TV. I love zoning out to TV. I love my DVR. I can't get a fucking thing done to save my life, but I. LOVE. TV. And yesterday Big Brother started. And in September we're talking Dexter and Smallville. Yeah, I won't even bother writing this one down again. I have all this will power and I want to break free, but I don't. I <3 you TV... Marisa & TV 4EVER!

7) Go to bed earlier and be to work on time
     *I should have been more specific about what "early" and "on time" means. I try to be asleep by 11 and be at work by 8:30. Does that count? :( Oh really, it doesn't? Ok, well 5 months left to work on this one too then. ha.

Same Sh*t, Different Day

But oddly enough, I'm okay with it. I just really really hate being a one-track record. Isn't that weird? I'm more concerned with people thinking I'm boring or uneven than I am about my own feelings about my life.

Truth is, I'm very focused right now and I like it. I actually have a huge insurmountable goal ahead of me that I don't think I can do, which pretty much has guaranteed I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure I can do it!  Did that make sense?

I've told you all over and over again I'm a nervous person. Pushing myself to go out and do new things is draining because it requires a very strong self-talk! So when I can focus on some future event and fall into a pretty rigorous routine - I LIKE IT - It's good for me.

So what's this goal you say? I want to call myself a runner! You thought I was going to say it was running the half-marathon November 7th (Put it in your calendars please, I want you there with a big sign. EXTRA glittery!) didn't you? The actual marathon isn't the goal though. That's just the time frame I've given myself to FEEL like I'm a runner.

What does being a runner feel like? I don't know!
*Does it mean having expensive gear? Got that! (this is not a poor mans sport, jesus christ!)
*Does it mean running a certain number of miles per week? I'm doing at least 15 right now.
*Does it mean eating and stretching and dreaming and talking about it? Doing that too. (Sorry guys)
*Does it mean joining a running club and surrounding yourself with other people more passionate than you? Boy howdy did I pick a crazy and practically infamous running club.
*Does it mean entering competitive races? Did my 1st one July 4th and was able to beat my goal time which was very exciting.

Yeah, still not feeling it.

I got knocked down by my doctor who informed me I have environmentally induced asthma! No wonder all this work is still HARD! I'm on inhaler after inhaler too. UGH I hate taking medicine. But I'm stubborn and I've made my mind up this is what I'm going to do god dammit and I'm going to do it!

So that's what I do... I get up, I go to work, I go run/exercise/weight train, I meet with my running club, I try to nibble on something healthy and then fall asleep and start the whole process over.

Did you know today was my birthday? What did I do, you ask? I kept my 7:30pm training appointment, that's what I did! WHY? Because I could be out and eating and drinking, but the real gift to myself is one of health of peace of mind that I'm doing everything I can to accomplish my one big huge insurmountable goal! YAY ME!

Next blog... Taming the ego!

Last weeks re-cap in pictures (NOW INCLUDING UTTER DEVASTATION)

I outed myself as a "Big Cherry" lover!

I accomplished a major goal on my marathon journey Sunday. It may not be much, and I'm actually pretty hard on myself so it's not actually enough either, BUT it IS something I've never done before. I ran 5.25 miles! I've never ran that far EVER. Sadly, it's only 1/3 of what I need to complete my Half Marathon, but I'm gonna keep going.

While I was on that journey, it rewarded me with a breathtaking sunset.

I also got my hair done! Fluorescent red! Thanks Troy!

I had a great time tasting wine this last weekend and Vino 100, but since I'm a wine club member, it's the gift that keeps on giving. This months selection is Yummy Yumma. One of the few whites I'm loving.
Here's the Clayhouse Adobe White and it's under $15!!

And while I normally stick with Chardonnay, I tried this Sauvignon Blanc by Ancient Peaks and it's a keeper too!

If you doubted - HarMar is still the sweetest, even when he's in "The Wild"... and by that, I mean peeing on all my moms patio furniture in the inner courtyard.

Sometimes, they make it seem like a bad thing to walk around with your head in the clouds, but when I look up I always wind up scrambling for my camera. Aren't these clouds fantastic?

NOW - PREPARE FOR WORST... LOOK what is wrecking my world right now... My precious beloved Chocodile has betrayed me. Is nothing sacred? Must everything that I love be taken from me? I don't know if I'll ever stop grieving. Why am I a vegetarian. WHY?!

I may have to take another sabbatical from my blog just to deal with the depth of my despair!

Something tells me...

...that when a hot 21 year old musclebound man leaves you dripping wet and out of breath, it SHOULD be a good thing.

But it's not... it's SOOOOO NOT.

Actually, I'd like to introduce you to Erik. He's my trainer at Fitness Together. He puts up with my CONSTANT complaining like a champ, he stays calm while I challenge ever single thing he asks me to do, and he's just a really good person.

Anyways, today's training session was BRUTAL! I actually had to pause for a minute because I feared I would throw up. I've got 6 months before this stupid marathon and I'm pretty sure this is the stupidest idea I've ever had, but I'm kind of committed now! Tonight I actually re-upped my training plan to go Tuesday and Thursday every week and I'm going to try and join a running club this weekend.

There's something wrong with me right? 

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

No promises, okay?

I miss my friends. You know, all of you who hung on my every word? Yeah, I got so busy and stressed and a bunch of other stuff that I sorta had to fall back for a bit.

But no promises, okay?

It's funny because everything I think and see and take a picture of is in preparation for this blog, but after a full days work, and exercise, and trying to make something to eat, and trying to just ZONE OUT for a second with the TV, I then realize it's midnight, crawl into bed, and I haven't even turned the computer on!

I did reconnect with my trainer, so I'm back on board to be sexy hot and skinny again! Oh and run that half marathon in November, you know, whatever...

So, let's see... what have I been up to?

I finally tried out Mad Duck Grill & Taphouse. It's kinda small in there, but the staff was nice, the food and service was great, the prices were reasonable, and they had lots of veggie options! I had a goat cheese and beet salad (YUM) and a burger w/ a garden patty. OH! and they have Mtn Dew! I will definitely eat here again!

Also, something I've been enjoying is weekend movies and popcorn. I last watched Law Abiding Citizen and WOW I thought that was a good movie! The end was a bit "much" but it surprised me! Watch it. During that movie, I posted a pic of my popcorn onto Twitter and discovered there's a bit of controversy when it comes to "embellishing" your popcorn. I like mine with peanut M&M's, peanut butter M&M's, and sour patch kids. What say you?

Oh yeah, and today no less, guess who's back? Remember THIS? Yep, I just snapped this picture TODAY!! THE GEESE ARE BACK!  And so is the terror of approaching my car at night. So is the walk to my car laden with treacherous poop mines. SIGH. It's not a good time!

So let's see... What else?

I joined the wine club at Vino 100 which I think is super cool. I'm going this weekend for my wine club tasting.

I have a hair appointment this Saturday, which I desperately need and I'm really looking forward to.

The weather is warming up and I need to go buy some shorts. I think I'm going to swing by the Benefit Bar at the mall and get my eyebrows done too. And while I'm in Macy's maybe go buy some shoes. Hell, why not, right? Yeah, it's time for ALL OF THAT!

OH, and I tried Casa de Tamales. I want to eat there every day. That shit is GOOD! They offered many different types of GOURMET vegetarian options and even though it's all the way across town from me, it's SOO worth it. Yep. GO THERE. NOW.

Alright, I gotta go. I have months of useless knowledge and jokes and trivia and MISCELLANEOUS crap to share, but no one likes a really long blog post, do they? I'll try to check in more often. I WILL TRY!

But... No promises, okay?

Run for the Roses

So I took a little hiatus from blogging, but I'm hoping to make a comeback!

One of the things I've been up to was helping cater my parents annual Kentucky Derby party.
You can see pictures of last years HERE.
This was the 136th Kentucky Derby.

In customary fashion, I donned my spring dress and wide brimmed hat (The hat didn't make it that long... I'm not much of a hat person. HA HA):

And while looking this good, I cooked up a storm!

WHEW - that was A LOT of food. I think I need a drink! Remember the also customary mint julep?

Oh, did you think that the party was over? After Calvin Borel unexpectedly won his 3rd Derby on Super Saver, I started prepping dinner. Everyone was STUFFED, but we made room!

I've been gone so long, I think I forgot how to write a truly riveting blog. Hopefully the pictures make up for it!

OH... I forgot! HARMAR THE GREAT! These festivities really tuckered him out, but isn't he the cutest thing EVAH?

PS - to be fair, my mom did all the shopping, the meat came from the honey baked ham store, and a nice friend of the family made the rice and cupcakes. Don't want you thinking I'm **THAT** cool. :)

I just met that Murphy guy and let me tell you, he's a Mother F****r!

You know Murphy right? That guy who makes it rain right after you wash your car? That guy who magically makes a bill show up for the exact amount of your tax return? Yeah, that guy. What a douche.

He just got to me too. I was really excited to finally pay off my car. Then mother fucker Murphy showed his fat unwanted ass up.

First the title came in the mail which was a joyous day!

THEN - a gigantic boulder game flying out of nowhere and cracked the windshield in an unrepairable way!

It's ok, it's ok - I can deal.

THEN, I found this note on my car while innocently shopping at Target.

Yeah. Someone backed into my car and drove away. I found the damage too - A dent in the rear passenger wheel and it ripped the wheel wells protective lining out of its clips. SIGH.

AND THEN... TODAY... after working an 11 hour day and mustering the last drop of energy to still go to the gym, I get in my car to come home and get some food and what do I see?

 See that there on the bottom left?  Yep, the engine light.

Really, Murphy? REALLY? You and all your STUPID laws are pushing my last button.

SIGH.

It's a good car. It's a new car. I take good care of my stuff. I'm not some dumb girl who avoids oil changes or maintenance or even car washes. UGH. Why would all this happen right after it's paid? So disheartening.