Magic Milk Straws - REALLY?!

I must be REALLY observant. Like really, really. Things just catch my eye and they either amuse me or disturb me greatly.

Let's start with what disturbed me first.  (Check back later for an amusing post)

I'm at Target and I see these things called "Milk Straws"... Besides taking a detour to tell the general public.... GEEZZUSS CHRIST you can get calcium from sources other than what the dairy industry owned government brainwashed you into thinking was only milk... Is it really a problem to get your kids to drink milk?? I don't know, this is why I have a dog, so if he's bad I can sell him. I think you get in trouble if you do that with your kids. Not quite sure, but since I have none it's a moot issue anyways.

So here is this prized STRAW. Mmmmm strawberry milk is good right? Oh, and whats this? MAGIC Milk Straws. That's WAY better than a regular already made up thing any day, right?

However, I can't help myself. I wish ignorance was bliss, but I need to know - What's in a MAGIC MILK STRAW?

Oh no shit, you don't say?? Not just one, or two, but THREE different derivatives of SUGAR?!?! REALLY???? Uh huh. Yeah, it's real important your kids drink that milk right? I find my kids drink their milk better when I shoot them full of MAGIC heroin. Certainly the negative effects of that are counterbalanced and THEN SOME by the worlds only source of calcium, right? RIGHT?

Very disturbing folks, VERY DISTURBING!

Weekend Re-cap

For those of you who follow me on multiple mediums (Foursquare, Facebook, Twitter, etc) I'm sorry for the duplication...

For those of you who only read this blog and don't know, I went to San Diego (La Jolla) to visit my friend Shana. She was the ultimate hostess and we had the best time catching up, eating good food, and exploring her new city.

We went to Coronado Island and had lunch which was so cool. And also cool as in Fresno temps were around 108 and San Diego was like 83 and breezy!

We also took HarMar to the beach. He'd never been before and for a nervous little dog, he charged right into the ocean head first. It was SO CUTE!

There's something about water though. It's so soothing. Couldn't you just sit and stare at this forever? Pretty sure I could solve all the worlds problems with just 1 nights time pondering right here..

Anyways, I didn't take pictures of everything, but overall it was a great weekend. We slept in. We ate at quaint little outdoor restaurants. I even got up early and went for an exploration 5 mile run through La Jolla. HarMar even put on his best duds and accompanied us to the mall. In case you had to ask, he was THE MOST popular person/man/thing/dog in the city, that's for sure.

So what did you all do? And where's the pictures?!

CHECK-UP!

Well, most peoples new years resolutions are pretty long gone by now. I actually take mine pretty seriously and since yesterday was my birthday and almost exactly the half way point in the year, I thought we should do a little check-up on my progress.

My resolutions for 2010 are:

1) Have 75% lung capacity by June (Last checkup was 53%)
     *Well, I was diagnosed with asthma, but thanks to some pretty serious medication I'm happy to report my appointment on 7/7 now has me at 74% !!! I'm a month late and 1% off, but I'll take it! I can now run up to 6 miles and I'm claiming victory here!

2) Be in good shape by July (So I can wear a really inappropriate bikini!)
     *This is all relative. I see things changing on my body, but I can still pick apart my fat thighs and butt and double chin... BUT I did wear a bikini in Las Vegas which it's own tag described as "VERY minimal" coverage and guys still talked to me... SO that's on the road to being in good shape I think!

3) Read 2 books (Books towards my personal betterment)
     *I'm blaming #6 on this one. I did read Wayne Dyer's "Change your thinking, change your life" based on the Tao and now I'm half way through "Eating Animals" but that's SLOW going. The book is great, but by the time I lay down to read anything, I just fall asleep with the book on my face. Hey, 1 book down, another half the year to finish book #2. ON TRACK for victory!

4) Practice stillness - think before you talk & act
     *You know, what do I know? I think I've been pretty good about quelling my instantaneous emotional reactions and just "waiting" out the intensity before I choose to say something... but this is probably something I'll work on for the rest of my life. Just keeping it in mind is enough of a victory for me.

5) Be kinder to my mom (I've been a little rough on her - she's a good mom)
     *Ummmm, mom, how do you think it's going?  Just as soon as she talks to me I feel like my insides clench (like a fighter clenching his fists) and it's all I can do to not snip back and get defensive. Every conversation is a lesson in #4 let me tell you. I don't know what it is, but there is something about the two of us that just goes from 0 to 100 in less than 5 seconds flat! Sorry mom, it's not you, it's me!

6) Watch less TV
     *FAIL! Major fail. I love TV. I love zoning out to TV. I love my DVR. I can't get a fucking thing done to save my life, but I. LOVE. TV. And yesterday Big Brother started. And in September we're talking Dexter and Smallville. Yeah, I won't even bother writing this one down again. I have all this will power and I want to break free, but I don't. I <3 you TV... Marisa & TV 4EVER!

7) Go to bed earlier and be to work on time
     *I should have been more specific about what "early" and "on time" means. I try to be asleep by 11 and be at work by 8:30. Does that count? :( Oh really, it doesn't? Ok, well 5 months left to work on this one too then. ha.

Last weeks re-cap in pictures (NOW INCLUDING UTTER DEVASTATION)

I outed myself as a "Big Cherry" lover!

I accomplished a major goal on my marathon journey Sunday. It may not be much, and I'm actually pretty hard on myself so it's not actually enough either, BUT it IS something I've never done before. I ran 5.25 miles! I've never ran that far EVER. Sadly, it's only 1/3 of what I need to complete my Half Marathon, but I'm gonna keep going.

While I was on that journey, it rewarded me with a breathtaking sunset.

I also got my hair done! Fluorescent red! Thanks Troy!

I had a great time tasting wine this last weekend and Vino 100, but since I'm a wine club member, it's the gift that keeps on giving. This months selection is Yummy Yumma. One of the few whites I'm loving.
Here's the Clayhouse Adobe White and it's under $15!!

And while I normally stick with Chardonnay, I tried this Sauvignon Blanc by Ancient Peaks and it's a keeper too!

If you doubted - HarMar is still the sweetest, even when he's in "The Wild"... and by that, I mean peeing on all my moms patio furniture in the inner courtyard.

Sometimes, they make it seem like a bad thing to walk around with your head in the clouds, but when I look up I always wind up scrambling for my camera. Aren't these clouds fantastic?

NOW - PREPARE FOR WORST... LOOK what is wrecking my world right now... My precious beloved Chocodile has betrayed me. Is nothing sacred? Must everything that I love be taken from me? I don't know if I'll ever stop grieving. Why am I a vegetarian. WHY?!

I may have to take another sabbatical from my blog just to deal with the depth of my despair!

A weekend to remember...

Oh Oh, I totally lied to you there with that title. Nothing happened this weekend of any consequence.

However, I figured it's my duty as a blogger to tell you all the mundane things I did anyways. Carry on:

On Saturday I cleaned under the desk in my bedroom. Then I went and got my hair done. I like it.

After my hair appt, I went and picked up Pho at New Stars Vegetarian. MMMM Then I went to my parents and we watched Iron Man. Not really my type of movie, but better than I thought it would be.

Sunday I took HarMar to the groomers because, well - you just look at him. Wake up to this face enough and you'd take him too!

The most exciting part of the weekend, however, involved a little Valentines Day present to myself. You see, I've been itching for a new vacuum cleaner for a while now. I keep waiting for the right time to strike and it finally did! Not only was it on sale, but I had a 10% off coupon as well. Meet the new man in my life. His name is Dyson:

I know I know, that was a stupid picture, but I really do love it! I can tell you someone who doesn't love it though. Someone who had a really bad day and immediately raised the terror threat level to RED!

Boy does he hate this thing! He just sits by it and stares at it, and look at the video of when I attempted to move it!

So anyways, that was my wonderful weekend. What did you do?

So how old does this make me? 50? 60?

I received an iTunes gift card for Christmas. I get them from time to time and I just keep the credits online so I can buy what I want (music/iPhone apps/etc) whenever the mood hits me. (Anything Apple or for the kitchen is a surefire way to win my heart BTW)

So what hits me yesterday? MUSIC - I want a new CD. And what do I wind up buying? The Best of Sade, of course. I guess she has a new album coming out and I can't wait for that, but OMG I AM MY MOTHER!!  She was always rockin' Sade. That and DeBarge. Enough for me to exclaim when I was 5 that I HATED music and that I would NEVER own a radio! (Pretty sure my mom played RECORDS!!! and there was no such thing as a CD yet so radio was where it was at maaan... HA HA)

I'm LOVING listening to my new CD now, but there's a little voice inside telling me this is, in fact, the final sign of the times. Forget all those earthquakes in one place after another - god is speaking to us all. Be forewarned!

Oh yeah, and I made and ate a really good sandwich the other day. MMMM

An experiment in vanity...

There is so much in the media about celebrities and their appearances. People are lambasting Heidi Montag for getting plastic surgery. Granted, I think she's not so smart and was pretty enough already, but actually I think she looks fabulous now.

Then there was the whole revolt against Demi Moore for possibly photoshopping herself to look better. What, pray tell, is so wrong with a 40+ year old women who will be appearing on a magazine cover looking her best?? Do you want her up there with no makeup??

Oprah just made a crack about the cover of her most recent magazine and how she looked at it while she was actually at the breakfast table and it made her laugh because she didn't look ANYTHING like that.

I don't know. It's just started to bother me. Maybe there is something wrong with me, but I like those magazines. I like perfection. I expect perfection. I don't know. I was raised that you should always put your best foot forward. I take the time to put make up on. I get my hair done religiously. I like to wear decent clothes. And, TRUST ME, finding good clothes that fit my body is laborious and hard.

So I thought to myself - are the pictures online representative of me in real life? I don't know! Do I put forward the REAL me or a puffed and fluffed up version of me? I don't know!

I can tell you this much though, I take a lot of pictures! I fiddle with finding the right light and getting a good angle and cropping out the weird stuff and hey, if you own photoshop you better use it right?!?!

So, I said it last post and I'll say it again this post - FULL DISCLOSURE! I got nothing to hide so here's me, in the raw. Not so pretty now, eh?

What would you do if photographers were following you at every moment? Seeing even that middle one makes me want to have at least 18 different surgeries and that's what I friggen look like every day!

Which would YOU want to on a magazine cover? Ummm, PhotoShop just became my new BFF. Of course, I purposely didn't smile and that's not even a good picture with good lighting. In fact, that was straight window sunlight which is very unflattering... but anyways.

It was just a little experiment. What are your thoughts? What would you do?

Good Ole Twenty-Ten

I guess I'm sort of a symbolic person. I do like to do new years resolutions. I reflect on the past year and try to get myself in the right mindset for the upcoming year.

Most people say they gave up on setting them because they never keep them. Well, I'm not too worried about that as half of these I started before 2010, but I want to post them here to help keep me accountable to them.

My resolutions for 2010 are:

1) Have 75% lung capacity by June (Last checkup was 53%)
2) Be in good shape by July (So I can wear a really inappropriate bikini!)
3) Read 2 books (Books towards my personal betterment)
4) Practice stillness - think before you talk & act
5) Be kinder to my mom (I've been a little rough on her - she's a good mom)
6) Watch less TV
7) Go to bed earlier and be to work on time

Nothing too crazy or impossible like giving up soda or anything like that. Just need to be steady eddy about going to the gym and with the TV off I'll be able to read more and go to be earlier and hopefully not be so tired and grumpy so I can be nicer to the good ole mom.

I've got you seeing red!

I may have mentioned I got my hair done last post... but I totally bailed on posting the pictures! SORRY about that!

Anyways, I'm not quite ready to cut my hair as I don't feel I've attained true "stripper hair" status just yet... but I do enjoy dabbling in color. I think anyone can be blonde! That's not a slam people!! I've been blonde before too, I just like to try it all!

Whatcha think?

I should have taken the pictures outside - it's A LOT more red than these pics show.

I should give a shout out to my hair stylist. His name is Troy Newland and he is currently located at Elan Salon on Bullard / West in Fresno, Ca. We've been together since 1999 and I think that's pretty impressive. He totally got my "Stripper Hair" interpretation too - that makes him SUPER cool!

OMG WOW! I'm like Wonder Woman...

Truth is, I'm not that special. About 10 years ago I had pneumonia and due to complications from me having a desk job, my lungs took a hit.

Every time I go to the doctor he gives me a breathing test which I fail miserably. Now, when I get sick it goes straight to my lungs! My last doctors appointment was in June and I had 53% lung capacity. The doctor basically informed me that that's like asthma except instead of needing an inhaler, I just need to...

OMG - GASP - I feel short of breath right now...

EXERCISE!!

So anyways, I finally have decided I'm ready to not be this way anymore and I got a trainer at the gym. He' a cute sweet muscle bound 21 year old named Erik that pushes me, hurts me, takes my money, and still leaves me coming back for more. HA HA We've been carrying on this abusive relationship for about a month now.

I'm seeing him 2 times per week with the agreement I do at least 30 minutes of cardio in between our visits. Instead of taking it easy, today I decided to try and push myself to see if I'm making progress.

Instead of a brisk walk, I took a stab at jogging. I was able to run at a steady pace for 30 minutes straight and actually made it 3 miles!!

You have no idea how huge this is for me and I'm just so beside myself with excitement and pride! I have to relish in this moment because tomorrow I will officially be a paraplegic. I'll never walk or run again, but right now, I am a marathoner! I am a medalist in the Olympics. I am Wonder Woman!

Unstable fixations - Part 2 - HARMAR!!

Have you ever watched that show, The Dog Whisperer?  He always talks about the dogs being "unstable" when they fixate on things like your vacuum cleaner.  Is it weird when you're the human, but you fixate on your dog? WHOA - I should do drugs and totally trip out on that one.

HA HA

Anyways, I could ramble on and on (That post is coming) but pictures are so much easier and as much as it hurts me that you don't hang on my every word, I need to remind myself that the world needs more pictures of the cutest dog on earth.

Therefore, it's like, pretty much, my fiduciary responsibility to oblige.

(MUSCLE MAN)

(HEAT JUNKIE)

(NEW BED!)

(Oh My God - THE SHAME)
I'm sorry, I don't even do the Christmas thing, but this is priceless!

Locked up abroad

Has anyone seen this show on National Geographic channel?

I just lost 3 hours watching reruns of it.

WOW EEE WOW

Someone kill the power to this house will you? It's the only way I'll be able to leave this couch!

HELP!

Weekend Recap - 3 days late... Or maybe I should just title it, "What I've been up to"

People like pictures right? I always try to snap a picture that sums stuff up so I don't have to talk AS much. I do like to talk though! Let's just see how this goes!

I made breakfast for dinner. Biscuits and Gravy might not seem like a big deal to you, but have a vegetarian "gravy" is like a delicacy to me! MMMMMM

I freaked out at someone leaving their nasty hair brush and Aquanet on the bathroom counter in our public and shared restroom. As in LEAVE... as in it's been there for weeks and it's strewn about (obviously used) daily! Keep it classy folks.

I shopped all weekend to decorate a huge display for a work project. A huge space and a "Harvest" theme leads to many interesting conversations when you purchase an entire truckload of hay...

or when you drive a baby car and try to convert it into some sort of Halloween clown car... BEHOLD MY PUMPKINS...

Then my dad and I went to The Big Fresno Fair to see a rap concert... Random... I KNOW RIGHT? We saw "The Game" and it was awesome! Front row tickets, free food, and a great show.  Check out the newest fair treat - The Zucchini Weenie! HA HA!

Check back soon and I'll tell you all about the AWESOME concert I saw last night.  Does HAMMERTIME mean anything to you?  Awwwww Yeeeeaaahhh!

Night Terrors

I cannot and do not watch scary movies. Never. EVER.

What's funny is that, for me, reality is FAR more terrifying than anything a movie could portray. Mostly, my horror flicks involve nature shows about snakes or spiders or anything that has hoarders or dirty people. It is SO EXTREME. I just CANNOT contain myself.

Isn't there a saying "These are the things dreams are made of" ??

Well, let me show you what my nightmares are made of.

AAAAAHHHHHHH!!! That is SOOO NASTY...

People are GROSS! I simply cannot understand how anyone - ANYONE - could look at this and not take immediate action. Do you all understand why I am so tired all the time?

Of course, I cleaned it. I want you to be able sleep tonight, so here is the finished product.

I just find laziness and filth to be the most disgusting combination of things. It also is so very very unnecessary. PLEASE, do not be that person.

They're making a comeback!

Look what I saw at the Savemart on Champlain & Perrin !!

CHOCODILES!!


AND ON SALE! YES!!

Picture show

Well, I don't think I've been up to too much lately, but I do like to document things... so besides scouring my house from head to toe and running a bunch of errands just look...

I saw a beautiful sunset over Woodward Park...

HarMar kept a close eye on the EVIL steam cleaner for me. I put it in the hallway and found him sitting next to it for 15 minutes! He really really hates that thing.

I'm obsessed with heirloom tomatoes and have been enjoying some caprese.


Well, everything else was just pictures of what I've eaten. Are people really interested in just seeing pictures of what I eat? I don't think so...

Anyways... What've you been up to?

O is for Obsession!

Hi everybody! I've been utterly boring and completely holed up in my own little world! Basically I've been trying to see how quickly I could deplete my iPhone battery. Oh wait, no, that's not what I've been trying to do! Truth is, I have an obsession!!!

If you love words like I do, me even telling you about it is almost cruel. Let me introduce you to....

TWISTY TEXT!

You get a 7 letter word and you just move them around to try and create as many words as you can! And all in 2 min 30 secondss. OMG it's addicting!! I could lose 3 hours like (SNAP) that!

So, I gotta go. My iPhone is calling to me! :)

Making cleaning fun...

Yeah, I'm a bitch... a big ole one too! I should be writing about how awesome my roommates are (Which I usually do BTW) but I'm also terribly terribly flawed.

I'm pretty sure they are playing a game with me. They have to be. I think the game is to see how quickly they can get the girl with MILD OCD symptoms to go completely lunatic raving mad insane.

Like how is it possible to open a closet door in the hallway and NOT SHUT IT completely? How do you leave it cracked? EVERY TIME YOU OPEN IT? HOW? Please teach me... because (and this may be a rather bold statement) I'm pretty sure that if my house was on fire and my most prized possessions were in that closet and all I had to do was grab them and run to safety - EVEN THEN I would still close the door completely.

I'm a STRONG believer in the philosophy "A place for everything and everything in it's place." I don't know if that's a philosophy actually. A statement? A quote? Let's make it a lifestyle. It's my lifestyle! I have little trays and a certain order I put things in. My kitchen drawers are very "consistent"... That's the word I'm going to use to downplay OCD, ok? Sort of like the hoarder who says they have a "cluttering" problem.

Anyways, I have a little caddy I use to hold my earth friendly cleaning supplies. They are for everyone to use as I "encourage" cleaning, ya know? This is how I found my caddy after someone so generously cleaned the kitchen while I was at work.

Let me just assure you, it does NOT look like that!

Look closer... This is me being clinically diagnosed INSANE!

INSANE!!!!


Someone tell me what is going on here. How come the bottles aren't upright? I.don't.understand.
DOES
NOT
COMPUTE

Was this a new way to make cleaning fun? Do we stand across the room and throw the cleaning bottles at the caddy and see if you can make a goal or what? It's like a physical impossibility for me to do anything like this.

And what am I supposed to do? HA! I just straightened it and said thanks for cleaning the kitchen, but oh my god, I wonder if they'll ever know how crazy I am. You don't think I'm crazy, DO YOU?

Failed Apology or New Beginning?

So, I've been vague lately and truth be told I'm ALL OF THE ABOVE. I'm tired, sure, conflicted, energized, and confused all at once.

If you are new here, back story is this:
• In December I wrote THIS about my biological father.
• In May he reminded me that some things never change when I took THIS phone call.
• In July my story was told at ViolenceUnsilenced.com and I felt like I finally had my answer.

Then last week he called and wanted me to go to lunch with him. I avoided... He was sarcastic with me about avoiding him and I decided it was time to tell him what was really going on... I told him... told him how I felt... told him why I didn't want to see him... Told him in explicit painstaking detail the who what where when and why and it didn't even phase him... A normal person would have been brought to their knees and yet HE MADE EXCUSES.

You see, what I don't understand is what it's like to be a parent and be concerned for your child (I don't have to understand shit)
You see, he's a good person, a follower of christ (Don't play on my people pleasing fault and DO NOT MAKE THIS ABOUT THE BIBLE... PLEASE)
You see, the bible says no one is perfect (Last time I checked NO ONE was perfect but had never spoken to me, treated me, or hurt me like he has)
You see, he feels like I've always been embarrassed of him and thought he was stupid and that I WAS AN INTELLECTUAL and better than him (Do NOT capitalize on my guilt for finally deciding to fight for myself to protect myself)
You see, I've incorrectly built up a wall that he just doesn't know what to do about. (Ummm, fucking duh...)
You see, he's just gonna "put the ball in my court" if I want to see him again.
And I made my peace... Peace that I made the right decision because I finally spoke my truth and gave him the chance to hear and he chose not to.

AND THEN TODAY... These came:


What the hell am I supposed to do with THAT?

My mom says to revel in the moment, but that I'm under no obligation to do anything but smell the roses.
My friend says to appreciate the nice gesture.
My gut says that you can't have a new beginning without an apology for the past FIRST.
My heart says it hurts and I cried.
My mind wished he would've just stayed an asshole so the decision to keep him out of my life would be an easy one.

Now what do I do? Call? Be willing to pursue a relationship? UGH, I'm at my limit. MY LIMIT. THE EDGE...

So miss wonderful universe... my precious mother earth... what say you now? I am officially a lost soul desperately looking for an answer that no one can give.