Everybody hates that girl...

You know that girl..? The one who picks apart every detail of her body? Who stares in the mirror and pokes and pinches and prods at herself? The one who bitches and moans and apologizes about the size of her jeans or a double chin, but does absolutely NOTHING about it?

Yeah, I hate that girl! Everybody hates that girl!

Unfortunately, I was that girl. I never really considered myself fat, but I was just about busting out of a size 10 at one point. I can admit it - at my heaviest ever I weighed 142 lbs. Granted I'm 5'7" so it's not the end of the world, but I certainly wasn't happy. I'll show you pictures to prove it. NEVER BEFORE SEEN UNFLATTERING PICTURES.

Yeah, those suck... Looking at those fills me with shame. Hours I stared at and hated myself. Lusted after skinny girls in magazines. Destroyed photos. Avoided bathing suits like the plague. Know what I did about it? Not a goddamn thing! I ATE... I DRANK... I sat on my large ass and watched TV and I blah blah blah'd about it.

Then thanks to a very stressful time in my life (layoffs, paycuts, moves, breakups, religion, woe, etc) I lost 25 lbs! Know what's funny? Nothing changed. I looked pretty darn good, but STILL I hated parts of me.

Everyone hates THAT girl too.

Then I gained 10lbs of that 25 BACK! ACK! WAKE UP CALL! Truth is I wasn't healthy. I wasn't exercising, I was eating all the time (HEY EVERYONE KNOWS I LIVE AND BREATH FOOD RIGHT?) I was drinking 100+ oz of Mtn Dew every day. I got bad news at the doctors office that I only had 53% lung capacity. I was a mess and it finally dawned on me I had to do something about it!

I wanna love my body because I earned it. I wanna be proud of my efforts. I wanna be able to breath and do stuff without being winded. I don't want to get the beginnings of a cold and have it turn instantly into bronchitis or something lung related.

Plus, in looking back on my 30+ years, you know what? You only get older. You only get fatter. Exercising and losing weight and changing habits only gets HARDER!

I work in an industry where our main client demographic is 70+. Some I see with their oxygen tanks and their canes and their pills and their difficult life. Then there are some who are vibrant and active and happy. This contrast has motivated me to start a revolution in my life. I want to set up my future for one of vibrancy and activity and LIFE!

So, why am I eating healthy, and sacrificing oh so yummy junk food, and working out 5 days a week? Certainly not because it's easy, or fun, or inexpensive, or fits in my schedule. CERTAINLY NOT!

So, folks, there you have it. Embarrassing fat pictures and all. That is why I work out and work so hard. That is why I FORCE myself to stick to this path. I may not love it now, but 30 years from now I don't want to look back and say, YOU KNOW, I coulda ate one less candy bar. I coulda skipped 30 minutes of some stupid reality show and went for a jog, but I didn't and now I'm a mess. Yeah, that would be a shame.

Plus, I really want to go to Vegas for my birthday in July and be as hot as humanly possibly in the most inappropriate bathing suit ever made. SO, see you at the gym tomorrow? YEP, I'll be there!

What happens in Vegas...

...STAYS IN VEGAS!

"Except for herpes, that shit is forever!" - NAME THAT MOVIE!

Truth be told, I had 4 action packed days of good clean fun, food, and friends. There were 23 of us and we all stayed at the MGM Grand. There was walking and talking and shopping and drinking and I loved every second. We had our club night in Moon at the Palms. Terrell Owens was there if you're into that kind of thing. So was Chino from the Deftones and also Pauly Shore. Go figure.

Mostly, I'll share this with you: For those of you who haven't been to the Wet Republic pool party at the MGM, GO DO IT!!! - it was like the best thing I've ever done in my life - soo yeah. I hear they charged $50 to get in, but I got in free... You know how I roll.

This pic is BEFORE it got busy... BEFORE the pitchers of Mojitos and the fireworks. BEFORE the dance floor opened and there was a thong contest and BEFORE the waitresses sprayed champagne all over everyone. I guess you could call that a good time.

One tip I'll give you is: There is no such thing as ridiculous in Las Vegas.
• Wear your highest heels, you say? With a bathing suit?
• Put on club worthy make up & jewelry? To a pool party?
YES!
There were a couple moments where things could have taken a turn for the worse, but I managed to drink another mojito and use what I saw as motivation. I had 6 hours in the sun to plan buying those necessarily evil expensive Chanel sunglasses and figure out how to lose those last pesky 40 lbs, and start saving for a boob job...


Speaking of needing to lose 40 lbs. There was the free food at the buffet... Yeah, I ate at it 7 times to the best of my calculations. LOL that's a lot!
I'm also calculating I only had a grand total of 13 hrs sleep over the 4 days. And I don't even gamble. I chose to lose all my money at the mall, thank you very much!

I think I'm done sharing all my secrets though. There's more pressing things I need to talk to you guys about. I was thinking of changing my blog focus again. How do you all feel about feet?

I think I have pretty decent feet & toes.
I haven't really looked at my analytics lately, but I'm sure this is going to lead to some foot fetish crap. Well how about I DEVASTATE all of you then by showing you what my feet look like now.

I know you're still recovering from the horror of that which is me in a bathing suit and now I'll show you what happened on the last night. I wish I could say I was drunk, but no... just twitchy and clumsy... What's it been, a month since the last time I nearly killed myself? Yeah. I wasn't ready for my self-esteem to come back.

Actually, don't look - just close you're browser now!
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AAAHHHHH! So disturbing!! Have I mentioned to you how much I hate myself for being clumsy? Yeah.... Apparently, trying to keep all 18+ people in the group moving in the same direction caused me to turn around and I got tangled up in my pants and when I put my foot out for balance - BAM! Right into the construction pylon cement divider thing.

SOOOO... sorry you had to see that.

Will you still me my friend? PLEASE?

Possibly I'll post some other pictures later so keep your eye out for an UPDATE! Now I'm tired and my feet hurt though, so I'm going to go. To purge that awful toe picture, here is the most hilarious thing ever. HarMar in his lobster costume. It gets even funnier because he is completely incapable of movement. He'll stay in that position all night until you take it off. Somehow it's probably cruel, but it makes me laugh and laugh.

It was the best $10 I've ever spent.

I'm famous! But totally not for what I want to be famous for!

Google Analytics doesn't lie. You guys are fucked up. Lately I've become a total stats junky and now I have proof that all four of you readers are sick. Sick sick sick sick SICK!

I looked up keywords and here are a few of my favorites. It's so sad that I know exactly what posts these refer to too!

fisting ((The Bloggess would be so proud! - not that she even knows I exist))
reverse anorexia in women
vegetarian shooting
what does heroin taste like?

Actually, these aren't that great, but I'm half assing it today because I have a lot of work to do! Plus, I have something to go to at 7pm and then a roomie dinner at 8:30 and tomorrow I'm getting my hair done and then the 'rents and I are heading out to Magic Mountain! I'm so excited!!!

PS - yesterday I ate another Chocodile. Here is proof that these things go straight to your hips :(

This is actually motivating. My roomies and I have a trip to Vegas planned and it's time to get serious and slim down so we can be Vegas ready! We've plastered our fridge with Victoria's Secret models and soon we're going to spend an afternoon weeping and beating our chests in lamentation and there will be much gnashing of teeth and dry heaves trying on bathing suits to prep for summer! I can't wait!

Monumental restraint

I'd like to start by saying that I'm a shopper. I've broke many a person at the mall. I met my match today. My mom showed me how it was done AND SHE'S handicapped at the moment. She had a hip replacement less than a year ago Because of some injuries from a car accident. 7 hours at the Fashion Show Mall here in Vegas on black friday no less and I am SPENT! and I didn't buy even ONE thing! That is monumental restraint right there! Although I did lust after this pair of sunglasses: (FYI - $500 is why I didn't buy them...)


I would have bought this dress and it was on sale, but they didn't have my size :(


However, sometimes, if you spend enough time at the mall, you make a discovery so splendid. So wonderful. So fascinating. You must share it with the world! Among other things, I'm also a shoe person. I don't even care if they are womens shoes. I love mens shoes too! But then I came across THIS:

Actually, you may enjoy the many many details here. In case you didn't know, yes, that's velcro! What's your fancy? GOLD? GOLD PLATING? LEOPARD PRINT? JEWELS? THESE HAVE IT ALL!!

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. The wearer of these shoes is LOADED! And by loaded I mean either or. They are either HEAVILY sedated or high as a fucking kite... OR they have so more money than you will ever understand. When a little old lady comes into our dealership and she's got those gold sequined keds - she's ready to make a deal! And not on a cheap RV! hahahahahaha

Vegas is such a rare city. I can't even count how many times I've been here. Most people refer to it as Sin City and oh how I know it can be, but actually I haven't had a drink since we got here, we don't gamble, and we're all not really interested in the strip clubs... so what does that leave?

EVERYTHING! This place is so grand. There is everything from Picasso to Sharks! Ferrari's to Pirate Ships. Tigers to Volcano's. And EVERYTHING turns into a show. Whether its the marble statues that come to life or the cartoon on the bigscreen over the escalators that talks to you. Shoot, there was some crazy song and dance at the mall. This giant Christmas Tree raised up into the air and santa and all his slight slutty helpers came tumbling and singing out from underneath it! LOL

Here's my brother and I today :)


OHHH, and don't forget the food!!! The glorious food! I pretty much lost my mind yesterday. And I've eaten here many times, but the Buffet at the Treasure Island is SO GOOD! I'd like to start by telling you, I'm not a dessert person. Blasphemy, yes I know, but give me some chips or crackers or french fries. I'm a salty savory carb girl hands down. If you know me, you know this. HOWEVER, notice I was SO moved, I actually took multiple pictures with my dessert!


They had a fucking cotton candy machine!!!! Yeah... that's right, you read correctly. It was phenomenal!



Well, that's my post. Hope your weekend is going great! Talk to ya soon!