I just met that Murphy guy and let me tell you, he's a Mother F****r!

You know Murphy right? That guy who makes it rain right after you wash your car? That guy who magically makes a bill show up for the exact amount of your tax return? Yeah, that guy. What a douche.

He just got to me too. I was really excited to finally pay off my car. Then mother fucker Murphy showed his fat unwanted ass up.

First the title came in the mail which was a joyous day!

THEN - a gigantic boulder game flying out of nowhere and cracked the windshield in an unrepairable way!

It's ok, it's ok - I can deal.

THEN, I found this note on my car while innocently shopping at Target.

Yeah. Someone backed into my car and drove away. I found the damage too - A dent in the rear passenger wheel and it ripped the wheel wells protective lining out of its clips. SIGH.

AND THEN... TODAY... after working an 11 hour day and mustering the last drop of energy to still go to the gym, I get in my car to come home and get some food and what do I see?

 See that there on the bottom left?  Yep, the engine light.

Really, Murphy? REALLY? You and all your STUPID laws are pushing my last button.

SIGH.

It's a good car. It's a new car. I take good care of my stuff. I'm not some dumb girl who avoids oil changes or maintenance or even car washes. UGH. Why would all this happen right after it's paid? So disheartening.

Leave personal maintenance to the professionals...

I'm mad at the economy. Well, mad in probably the most facetious and petty way possible, but that's how I roll, yo!

I keep writing sentences and I can't decide whether I want this to be a really serious post or a funny one. I'm guessing mostly funny because I really don't have anything to complain about. It's just like Louis CK and his "Everything's amazing, Nobody's happy" video. Watch here:

I think we all got ahead of ourselves and maybe life does need to settle back down so we can appreciate what we have. I bought my first house in 2000, lived there for 2+ years and never had cable, internet, or a livingroom couch. Oddly enough, I recall being busy and happy. WEIRD. I seriously, at this point, would give up food to keep my TiVo recording. That's not petty right? A girl's gotta have priorities... I think food and insurance are way overrated anyways.

Mostly, I just don't like being crowded and I think there are a few too many of you on this boat. Yeah, I can see the "capacity" sign from my prime window seat and we're definitely overfull. I think I'm feeling a little seasick here.

Actually, as a workin' girl, I can now see I lived the last few years like a lady of leisure... Mostly, I'm upset because I LOVED IT! I was professionally maintained from head to toe, literally. Ladies of leisure don't bother with shaving and combing their hair and painting their nails. I know this because I laughed entirely too hard when watching the Kath & Kim episode where Kim heads out to get a mani/pedi while proclaiming "Painting your own nails is so poor!" IT IS and I hate being poor! It's so much better to leave all that personal maintenance bullshit to the pros. You know you've made it when you are willing to pay cash money (that's my gangsta word of the month BTW) to some woman so that she can crawl all over your hooha waxing and tweezing because you just can't be bothered with those things.

And as a poor person now, I'm also incredibly lazy. I'm laying in bed on a Sunday at 11am listening to my iPod with my dog curled up next to me, but my laptop battery is in the red and I'm not feeling like going into the living room to get my power cord. Mostly because I'm naked and don't think my roommates would appreciate that. See, that's also lazy because I don't want to bother with a robe. However, I read somewhere you shouldn't end a blog post in the middle of discussing getting Brazilian waxes, but looks like that's what's gonna happen. When will this retardedly expensive dog get his ass up and do something other than cost me MORE money?

I've added it up and I'm thinking $1,000 more a month will adequately provide me with the lifestyle I've become accustomed too. Anyone want to be my sugar daddy? I'm prepping my "trophy wife" resume right now...

Feeling the PINCH me this can't be happening...

You know it’s not good when your controller walks into your offices, sits down, and says... “Marisa, at 10 minutes to 12, I need you to come to the conference room...” and then walks out.

O. M. G.

On a regular day this would have sent me into a fit of nauseous tears, but I already know what’s coming.
The boom.
The hammer.
The guillotine.
The PINCH.

Yeah, lets see how peppy people are NOW. haha My post yesterday was well timed, eh? I’m sneaky like that. HA!

Everyone’s wages are being docked across the board - and not a little, A LOT. UGH - punch in the stomach is a little strong, but YOWZA - I feel the pinch. I know they don’t want to, but they HAVE to.

Damn you ECONOMY!

How do you pinch MORE? Christmas doesn’t matter to me. Hair and nails matter don’t matter to me. Brand new designer clothes matter don’t matter to me.

BUT my precious precious Sylvia? (My House Cleaner) WHY ECONOMY?!? WHY?!?!

My TiVo!?!? NO NO, I can’t breath... TiiiiiVooooo!? Say it ain’t so!

My unlimited everything iPhone plan... And all this time I prayed to you Steve Jobs, god of all the nerdy cool people... Sniffle - this tear I shed - not for me - but for YOU... your most loyal customer will have to tithe just a little bit less each month to you now, I’m SO SO SORRY!
☹

I know I know... life’s not so bad - and yes I am SOOO still smiling! Putting down that pettiness, when others have real problems, helps me keep it in perspective.

I’m still sad. Things I’m comfortable and VERY happy with are changing. I still feel the pinch, in fact, this one might leave a bruise... but anyways...

Hi, how are you?

Times is tough... And so's maintaining my composure!

Yeah, things are rough these days. I know it. I feel it. I can hear it in their voice over the phone... I see it in their eyes....

And they don’t even know HALF of what I know. Of what’s coming. But I walk around and I smile. You know why? Because I can and I should! Let me tell you, life gets A LOT worse than it is right now. I know a family who has everything. A Yacht, a plane, RV’s, speed boats, new cars, luxury cars like a Viper and Ford GT... EVERYTHING... Do you think that any of that will cure their 16 year old daughter from cancer? NO. Life is about people, not things. About memories and experiences, not money. About time, not status.

I like to pay attention to my interactions with others.

Have you ever been through the checkout line at the grocery store and left thinking, OH MY GOD, that person hates their life! When people walk by and don’t smile back. When they noticeably exhale and sigh to themselves because they are consumed with negativity? SUCKS HUH? How long do you want to hang around them?

But, what about the person who has a little spark in their eye. Who still takes the time to FEEL, to show concern, to have a positive moment of small talk, maybe share a chuckle? Doesn’t it change EVERYTHING? Don’t you leave feeling good about your experience with them.

I’m talking about friends, workmates, or even the stranger in line in front of you at the airport. Which one would you rather talk to or be around? Which one would you like people to think you are? Life is too short to spend all day sighing and grunting and groaning and complaining. I avoid those people because you can never cheer them up, but they can certainly bring you down... BLECH!

It’s weird because I’m walking around thinking about how much worse things are getting. I’m trying to button down the hatches in my finances because it’s not gonna be pretty. I’m not shopping. I’m not getting my hair and nails done. HarMar doesn’t go to the groomers - he gets a “mom cut”. I dont’ eat out. I’m not doing much. I could REALLY get into a funk over my situation, trust me.

But last night at the grocery store my mind started working and I thought: “ I don’t want to be in a funk, I want to be happy. BUT I can’t be happy if everyone around me is miserable. But, Dr Phil says - “This relationship needs a hero...” and he’s right. I can’t walk around saying YEAH, you be happy so I can be happy. NO, I have to choose to be happy. BUT it’s a lot of work goddamnit! Yeah, but if I have that realization, then I have the responsibility to step up. I can’t sit here complaining about what others do, I have to DO. I want to be the difference, the reason, that people smile. To show little tokens of my appreciations. To treat others how I want to be treated.”

And then I stopped thinking and I just let my pure and honest intention take over... I bought a card with glitter and bumble bees on it and wrote a short note about my sales manager Jeff’s good qualities and gave it to him. Do you know he cried? OMG (I think it was a happy cry... LOL) No 40 year old man who talks with a Brooklyn accent and who spent many a year in prison cries over a glittery bumble bee card... But apparently they do when it’s heartfelt. I took 5 seconds out of my busy schedule and $2 out of my wallet to do something nice and you know what happened? *** I *** WOUND UP FEELING GREAT! A random act of kindness turns out to be almost selfish. I’m not writing that story for Kudos. I only mention it because if you have goodness in your heart and you let it out the universe always rewards you 10 fold. In fact, now I’ve got a million thoughts about what to do next.

How awful to go through life being a good person and never letting anyone else know it! I watched on Oprah last night about secrets to live well into old age. Know what one of them is? GIVE BACK. Be a part of something you believe in.

So, I’m mostly writing this for me... Sort of... I put it out there so you guys can catch me being a moody bitch and remind me of all the stuff I said and shame me back into acting right. ☺