Why my version of Christmas spirit involves killing mother earth...

OMG - this holiday crap is just that... CRAP!  Mostly because it doesn't matter how old I am, I'm always caught off guard by the insanity.  I'm only like one and a half sentences in and I already feel like this could wind up being a really long post. UH OH - I'll try to keep it quick.

My family has never and still doesn't celebrate holidays so I don't have many expectations for this time of year. I covered my Thanksgiving woe HERE... I still feel that way, but Christmas is a little different. I'm sorry, but if anyone was more meant for shopping, baking, decorating, wrapping, party planning, and gift baskets - it was ME ME ME!!! That's okay, there's really no law that says you can't do that year round right?

Actually, it's probably better to do it year round! Towards the end of the year, things get CUH RAY ZEE! Holy shit people, settle down. The obligation and intensity put into this business is mind boggling.

All I want to do is go to Costco and buy 10 tri-tips and some party plates. FUCK!! It was like roller derby or bumper cars but with shopping carts... the streets were packed... the stores were crowded... and LISTEN, I like this stuff. I love the excitement and the people watching, and evesdropping on the next isles convo, but WOW... Not this week! It's like zombies took over!!

Where's all the holiday spirit and smiles and people wearing aprons bringing over trays of fudge or the "merry christmas" smiles and greetings???

You poor retail cashier drones... When I have a project I can easily go to 10+ different stores in a day searching for just the right items. That's a lot of shopping, a lot of observations, a lot of everything - this makes me an expert. (I was just proving my credentials...)

However, I'm sort of a canvas bag nazi - I have this goal to never take a plastic or paper bag from anyone. I've written many angry posts about how poorly people pack a canvas bag or how wasteful people are packaging EACH ITEM in a different bag. The combination of all this craziness and stress and tension and deadlines and all the things I need being wiped clean from the shelves in some sort of frenzy leaves me a bit on edge myself. After the 4th store, I thought, you know what FUCK IT, could you put my plastic bags in a plastic bag please? I cannot fight you anymore. You broke me! I couldn't hand the bag and explain the purpose of the bag and request you fit all my items into one bag ANYMORE. YOU WIN! You cashiers are tired. You don't want to have chatty interaction with me. You don't want to talk or look or think or even be there for that matter, so OKAY. I GET IT. I will express my kindness and gratitude this Christmas season by allowing our mother earth to be a giant plastic landfill. Just whatever.

It's like Oprah. And YOU get a plastic bag! and YOU get a plastic bag! and YOU get to cut down a tree! and YOU get to help cause global warming... I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, I just know I hated it, but it was a kindness to let them go through their routine and get the hell outta there.

So there - Happy Holidays from me to you!

Oh really?

For those of you who don't know, I'm a bit of a nature freak. I take more pride than I can explain to you in coming home from multiple stores and having nothing to throw away! I bring canvas bags with me and even mesh bags for my vegetables. I HATE waste and actually have intense energy directed at baggers and cashiers who can't figure out how to do it right.

Actually, I just had a gathering at my house last weekend and everyone kept asking me for paper plates and cups so they didn't dirty any dishes. OMG, PLEASE DIRTY A DISH rather than throw something away. I forced everyone to use real stuff. 5 minutes of extra work is nothing, geez!

Also, Fresno has been really big on their "Buy Local" campaign. I agree with this. I like feeling like I'm a part of something and doing something good. Plus, here in Fresno, the fruit basket of the world, buying vegetables and fruit from local farms is diverse, affordable, and awesome! When I saw this sign at Vons I was so happy since I needed squash anyways:

HOWEVER, upon further inspection, I think someone needs a geography lesson. Either that or it's A LOT smaller world than I originally imagined:


HA HA HA! OH REALLY? This is considered LOCAL? ALL OF NORTH AMERICA? UH HUH...

Do your part people!

So, for those of you who don’t know, I try my best to be eco-responsible. I recycle, buy and support organic, local and free range produce, etc. I’ve switched all my bulbs over to compact fluorescents. I stopped using all those AirWick plug in things that constantly drain electricity and put chemicals in the air. I do my best to only buy cleaning products that I feel are concentrated and/or more natural. (I’m also a strict vegetarian, but I don’t know if that really applies to this topic so I’m not dwelling on it) I don’t buy bottled water and instead re-fill/re-use a thermos. I gave away all my tupperware and switched to corningware - it’s more durable and lasts longer. I purchased cloths to clean with instead of papertowels. I use dishes and not paper plates. I converted all my bills over to paperless statements. While it seems like I’m doing a whole lot here, it’s really not that much and I wish more people would see that spending $1 more or taking 5 extra minutes to make a better decision really does help make a difference.

Actually, I think most people do this so that the planet is a good place for their kids - I don’t have kids - so I don’t know why I’ve picked this cause... but I have.

For me, it seems most things boil down to waste and laziness. EVERYTHING is disposable now and it makes me SO sad. Seriously, you can’t own and wash a cutting board?? You would just use a cutting board (piece of plastic) and then throw it away? I just seem to come across A LOT of waste and excess and it’s disheartening the lack of energy people will dedicate to a worthwhile cause.

My biggest pet peeve is using plastic and paper bags at the store. And not just the grocery store, but ANY STORE! I have not been to a store that doesn’t sell their own version of a reusable bag. Target, TJ Maxx, Vons, and even Hollywood video offer canvas bags - yet there clearly needs to be some sort of orientation done down at the cashier/checker/bagger union. I’ve never had more blank stares in my life. Most times I have to physically INTERVENE and sometimes I even have to bag my own stuff ☹

Here are some simple rules:

1) It’s canvas - it’s washable - do not wrap all of my items individually in plastic to protect my canvas bag
2) Do your job and PACK it properly. Do not just haphazardly shove a bunch of shit in there so it’s half filled up and then put the rest into plastic bags. Use your tetris skills - work it out.
3) Have some sort of self awareness that I’m doing this to AVOID using paper or plastic. How do you always find a way to put something in a plastic bag?

Yeah, that’s it, just 3. It’s a GIANT pet peeve of mine.

What I most recently started using are these:


I gather a great sense of accomplishment from leaving the store and being 100% eco-friendly.

My favorite bags are these:

Cheap, affordable, stylish, compact... You can’t get better than that.

I know most of you either care or don’t care already so this won’t change your mind, but I secretly hope it does. There is no reason our household should need to take the trash out every day. With a little bit of effort we take it out about once a week and we only put our bins out every other week. Even if you don’t change, just pay attention every time you throw something away. It may surprise you.

My Current Aggravation

I am so annoyed right now. Well, not right now RIGHT NOW... but in general. I think most people are ignorant mother fuckers. (Yikes, I'm sounding really mean tonight, aren't I?!)

I'll explain. And 1 more time, I'll see if I can't explain my neurosis down to the most minute detail until I get on your nerves.

So today I take a trip to run errands around town. For those of you who don't know, I'm on a canvas bag kick. Have been for years and always try to bring my own bags. I started out at TJ Maxx and got a few things. I had them put my few items into a large canvas bag that I have. Then I went over to Target.

I of course, wasn't planning on purchasing much, but that's what Target does so I had a few more things than I could probably fit in 1 bag. I explained in great and painful detail to the checker that I did not want to waste any plastic bags. To please fill this bag and then shove everything else into a 2nd plastic bag and I don't care how its in there because nothing is breakable/smashable.

1st he hands me a bottle of nail polish from my cart. I said, what is this for? He says, "I thought you might want to keep this out with you. I was like... "No, that's ok, it can go in the bag with the rest of the stuff." This really doesn't have anything to do with the story except to maybe enlighten you that he may not be the sharpest tool in the shed. Who needs to emergency paint their nails at the checkstand or in the car? Most times, the polish can go in the bag I'd think. He later handed me my soda and gum (Which is customary) so I don't understand the polish thing AT ALL!

So, anyways, back to me burning down Target... Oh wait, I think I got ahead of myself there. So as I'm getting my credit card out and processing my payment (early to keep the line moving, thank you!)(*Please read my "I am not slow" rant for further clarification) I look over the counter and see him just using 1 plastic bag for each item. I was like, no no, what are you doing? Please FILL THIS BAG full and then fit everything else into ONE bag! He then takes the individually wrapped items I have and puts them in 1 big bag. SIGH. Why would you individually wrap a mop head or a bottle of advil?

I swear to god, I'm going to come unglued one day. 1 wrong set of circumstances and I'm going to lose it in public. Just fucking lose my mind. I don't know what I'll do, but I'm positive it will involve the looney bin and possibly some sort of conservator of my estate... LOL

Take a second to review one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies. This guy totally loses it and I LOVE IT! This makes me laugh out loud every time I watch it. I just watched it 5 times and I'm still chuckling!


I think the problem isn't so much that people don't think about this stuff, or even that they don't care, but it's really a big "FUCK YOU" to me... because I stopped everything to explain what my bagging expectations were and they SO did not happen. So instead of 1 plastic bag, I came home with SIX bags. SIGH.

And yes, yes, I know - what a horrible life I have where the worst thing to happen to me in ages is when an incompetent cashier at Target uses too many plastic bags... or I see a bad commercial on TV - I KNOW. But that's what I was inspired to write about and you can all be glad it wasn't another rant about toilet paper!