Yeah, I was on hiatus for like 2 months and then I came back all focused and upset and discouraged.
Sorry about that. Here's a cute picture of HarMar floating in the pool.
He HATES water, until you give him a floaty... Then he sails off on his own happy as a little clam. HA! I love him.
Hey Hey...
Shout out to Mintz, my ONLY commenter. I know I don't comment back, but I'm not feeling a lot of love from you guys.
Ok, enough of that! Soo, about that weather. It sure is raining a lot right? Guess what I've never done that I now know I need to?
Truth is, I'm not that special. About 10 years ago I had pneumonia and due to complications from me having a desk job, my lungs took a hit.
Every time I go to the doctor he gives me a breathing test which I fail miserably. Now, when I get sick it goes straight to my lungs! My last doctors appointment was in June and I had 53% lung capacity. The doctor basically informed me that that's like asthma except instead of needing an inhaler, I just need to...
OMG - GASP - I feel short of breath right now...
EXERCISE!!
So anyways, I finally have decided I'm ready to not be this way anymore and I got a trainer at the gym. He' a cute sweet muscle bound 21 year old named Erik that pushes me, hurts me, takes my money, and still leaves me coming back for more. HA HA We've been carrying on this abusive relationship for about a month now.
I'm seeing him 2 times per week with the agreement I do at least 30 minutes of cardio in between our visits. Instead of taking it easy, today I decided to try and push myself to see if I'm making progress.
Instead of a brisk walk, I took a stab at jogging. I was able to run at a steady pace for 30 minutes straight and actually made it 3 miles!!
You have no idea how huge this is for me and I'm just so beside myself with excitement and pride! I have to relish in this moment because tomorrow I will officially be a paraplegic. I'll never walk or run again, but right now, I am a marathoner! I am a medalist in the Olympics. I am Wonder Woman!
The word passion is a funny word. For all intents and purposes, I'd like to classify myself as a passionate person. There is an intensity deep inside me. How I talk and how I eat and how I work ebbs energy and desire. (NO, not in a sexual way!) I guess I shouldn't be talking about myself like that - makes me seem special which I wasn't trying to do.
Mostly, I'm writing because this passion, this intensity, this energy is like a drug. I can't get enough of it. I love being around people who are equally as passionate about what they do. No one has an endless supply of energy - you have to do things and surround yourself with people that refuel you.
Here's my problem: I WANT IN. You like what you do? I want to do that too!
When I watched people running by my house in the Two-Cities Marathon, there was cheering and camaraderie and a goal and a reward and god-dammit I want to run a marathon!! I saw them in the throws of near death. I have 53% lung capacity. I haven't run since 4th grade. BUT WHEN I SAW the commitment, the excitement, the PASSION all I could think was "I should start training!" I went and bought running shoes. I hired a trainer at the gym. Isn't this ridiculous?
There's so much good in this world and sometimes we don't know it until a friend shows us the way. I just can't shake the thought that if someone else loves something, maybe I'll love it too! Am I missing out on something?
I know someone online who likes to knit. Most of what she talks about involves yarn and dyeing yarn and meeting with groups to knit together. If you see her at a dj event or a concert or even a grocery store checkout, she's knitting. There's no denying her passion for this venture. I WANT TO DO THAT TOO!! Maybe you don't know this, but my grandma taught me how to crochet. I have a blanket half done in my closet? Do you know I dug that sucker out and I have set myself a goal of finishing it by spring time???
Truthfully, sometimes I think I need an intervention. I just keep dividing myself and dividing myself until I'm doing 10 millions things. I'm chasing that high. I want to eat and talk and sleep and watch TV and cook and sit and blink and do EVERYTHING at level 10.
There is another woman I've met who is well spoken and funny and kind. Her passion? Rescue dogs. She fosters dogs, helps out at the shelters, and lives and breathes finding these pups good homes. I work 12 hours a day, I'm training to be a runner, and trying to crochet a blanket. Shouldn't I foster a dog too? I WANT IN! Who loves their dog more than me? Shouldn't I spend weekends doing that?
~HELP ME~
I already have 2 blogs, a cooking show, a full time job, and a family that gets about zero of my attentions... STOP ME! When you divide and take on more and more, you can do a lot of varied things, but you can't do them well. It saddens me to know that by trying all these new things, I'm essentially giving up the option of being the best at any one thing.
Does anyone else experience this? What's it like to find one thing that you love and perfecting what you do?
Have you ever watched that show, The Dog Whisperer? He always talks about the dogs being "unstable" when they fixate on things like your vacuum cleaner. Is it weird when you're the human, but you fixate on your dog? WHOA - I should do drugs and totally trip out on that one.
HA HA
Anyways, I could ramble on and on (That post is coming) but pictures are so much easier and as much as it hurts me that you don't hang on my every word, I need to remind myself that the world needs more pictures of the cutest dog on earth.
Therefore, it's like, pretty much, my fiduciary responsibility to oblige.
OMG - have you guys been outside? Fall is my favorite favorite favorite season! I actually think spring is pretty awesome too, but right now I am SO enamored with fall, it's not even funny. I keep taking pictures of trees and hoping that one of them will be able to express even an ounce of the vividness I see in my wonderful eyes! How am I doing?
Well, I think you all know I'm partial to HarMar the greatest cutest *ALL MAN* Yorkie of all kind.
However, in lieu of telling you a long story, my parents had a little scotty dog at their house yesterday. He was VISCIOUS! ALL TEETH! Look at this creature from the deep!
Oh wait, he's just all mouth and I caught him mid yawn.
CORRECTION~ He is ADORABLE!!
Just had to share.
Yeah, today's a pretty friggin' awesome day! Mostly because it's my birf'day, but I'm not making a big deal about it. I just have an undeniable need to share with you every little detail of my life!
I've been working so much and been SO busy that I haven't posted in a week. SORRY!
I started my day by going to work only to be greeted with balloons and red bull and happy birthday signs and chocodiles. SO MANY CHOCODILES!! Although I'm 31 29 and will be forever... YES 29 FOREVER... they may have added a couple of extra and then spelled out my name with 31 of them.
I don't know about you, but I think that is just about the coolest thing ever!
I may not have mentioned this before, but I have the most wonderful roommates in the whole world.
My dearest friend, Melissa, (on the left) is leaving me and it's breaking my heart. I understand her reasons to go and wish her nothing but wonderful things, but I don't know what I'm going to do without her. I could fill an ocean with our laughter and our tears over the last 3 years. I guess I wouldn't be taking it so hard if she was staying in town, but she's be many hours away and makes the loss more palpable.
Friday night we had a surprise goodbye party for Melissa at The Standard. Being as we are all so close, it was pretty damn awkward in our shared hallway as Des and I tried to leave the house without inviting her, but we made it! It was wonderfully bittersweet and I'm admitting I had a hard cry when I wrote in her card.
Saturday I worked all day and was exhausted, but Desiree wanted me to attend a dinner function with her so I pressed on and got ready. GO GO GO.
OH MY GOD, you will not believe it! We showed up at Vini Vidi Vici's and GUESS WHAT!? It was a surprise party FOR ME! GET OUT! In a billion years I never would have guessed that! Possibly this photo will tell you everything you need to know! It's like WHAT?! FOR ME?!
Anyways, it was the sweetest nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me. The balloons were my favorite color, the food was delicious, they incorporated PINEAPPLES (my favorite) and a luau theme, and most of my closest dearest friends were there. There for ME! I was so touched.
Actually, in my entire life, I have never had a surprise party and it was a wonderful night that I will not soon forget. I felt the love and I love my friends. Thanks you guys!
Sunday I got up and went to work again. In the evening I had some friends over to my parents house. We swam, we chatted, and we cooked together. It was an awesome girl night. I made a homemade vegetarian chili and a light avocado, corn, black bean salad. It was delicious!
SO, NOW... I'M EXHAUSTED. There was so much excitement, so many surprises, and SO MUCH work. I cannot wait until next weekend and my much awaited days off. NOW, it's 11:30 pm and I gotta head to bed.
G'night all!
I don't think my little town of Fresno gets enough credit. They say we're the armpit of California. Well, those people are retarded because everyone knows that's Bakersfield. HAHAHA. No, seriously, it may get hot in the summer, but right now the weather is just about DIVINE.
Here at Woodward Lakes things couldn't be more perfect. There are so many trees and the rain made everything super crisp and green. The lake is beautiful and there is a breeze, and I'm going to share with you my hidden little sanctuary.
Sitting out here is so relaxing. I don't worry about anyone or anything. HarMar explores and my mind drifts off. Nature releases me from my judgments and labels and expectations carry away with the breeze.
Why would I leave when I have my own little slice of heaven right here?
Just wanted the world to know what beautiful, wonderful, kind, perfect, supportive, loving, and classy people I have in my life. These are "my girls" and I love them.
These are also my best friends. Aren't they pretty?
Last night we went out to The Standard which is right next to our house on Friant & Fort Washington. I've been there a few times and have enjoyed it but last night was FABULOUS. I've never seen the place so packed.
In humorous typical Marisa fashion, I spent the entire night being the tallest person in the room! My cute new platform Guess by Marciano heels are 5" which actually makes me 6 feet tall (I'm 5'7") I actually believe I asked everyone I talked to if it made them uncomfortable that I'm a giant. HA! Guys and girls together being so itty bitty leaves me with legs of steel I tell you. Ever spent two hours doing squats and lunges? That's pretty much what it's like when you are a giant and you want to talk to or dance with or take pictures with all the miniature people in this town!
I have been sick though, so I was happy they close early (I think they close at 1am... it used to be midnight, but now it's 1..? I suppose I should pay more attention to detail here, but whatever... it's not 2am I know that much)
Anyways, it's time for bed. Make sure you look at the next post to view my Kentucky Derby Day pictures too!
Well Ladies, This one is for you. WHO DOESN'T LOVE MARK WAHLBERG?
I don't think too many words are necessary here, so I'll just step out and leave you two a little alone time!
Yeah, things are rough these days. I know it. I feel it. I can hear it in their voice over the phone... I see it in their eyes....
And they don’t even know HALF of what I know. Of what’s coming. But I walk around and I smile. You know why? Because I can and I should! Let me tell you, life gets A LOT worse than it is right now. I know a family who has everything. A Yacht, a plane, RV’s, speed boats, new cars, luxury cars like a Viper and Ford GT... EVERYTHING... Do you think that any of that will cure their 16 year old daughter from cancer? NO. Life is about people, not things. About memories and experiences, not money. About time, not status.
I like to pay attention to my interactions with others.
Have you ever been through the checkout line at the grocery store and left thinking, OH MY GOD, that person hates their life! When people walk by and don’t smile back. When they noticeably exhale and sigh to themselves because they are consumed with negativity? SUCKS HUH? How long do you want to hang around them?
But, what about the person who has a little spark in their eye. Who still takes the time to FEEL, to show concern, to have a positive moment of small talk, maybe share a chuckle? Doesn’t it change EVERYTHING? Don’t you leave feeling good about your experience with them.
I’m talking about friends, workmates, or even the stranger in line in front of you at the airport. Which one would you rather talk to or be around? Which one would you like people to think you are? Life is too short to spend all day sighing and grunting and groaning and complaining. I avoid those people because you can never cheer them up, but they can certainly bring you down... BLECH!
It’s weird because I’m walking around thinking about how much worse things are getting. I’m trying to button down the hatches in my finances because it’s not gonna be pretty. I’m not shopping. I’m not getting my hair and nails done. HarMar doesn’t go to the groomers - he gets a “mom cut”. I dont’ eat out. I’m not doing much. I could REALLY get into a funk over my situation, trust me.
But last night at the grocery store my mind started working and I thought: “ I don’t want to be in a funk, I want to be happy. BUT I can’t be happy if everyone around me is miserable. But, Dr Phil says - “This relationship needs a hero...” and he’s right. I can’t walk around saying YEAH, you be happy so I can be happy. NO, I have to choose to be happy. BUT it’s a lot of work goddamnit! Yeah, but if I have that realization, then I have the responsibility to step up. I can’t sit here complaining about what others do, I have to DO. I want to be the difference, the reason, that people smile. To show little tokens of my appreciations. To treat others how I want to be treated.”
And then I stopped thinking and I just let my pure and honest intention take over... I bought a card with glitter and bumble bees on it and wrote a short note about my sales manager Jeff’s good qualities and gave it to him. Do you know he cried? OMG (I think it was a happy cry... LOL) No 40 year old man who talks with a Brooklyn accent and who spent many a year in prison cries over a glittery bumble bee card... But apparently they do when it’s heartfelt. I took 5 seconds out of my busy schedule and $2 out of my wallet to do something nice and you know what happened? *** I *** WOUND UP FEELING GREAT! A random act of kindness turns out to be almost selfish. I’m not writing that story for Kudos. I only mention it because if you have goodness in your heart and you let it out the universe always rewards you 10 fold. In fact, now I’ve got a million thoughts about what to do next.
How awful to go through life being a good person and never letting anyone else know it! I watched on Oprah last night about secrets to live well into old age. Know what one of them is? GIVE BACK. Be a part of something you believe in.
So, I’m mostly writing this for me... Sort of... I put it out there so you guys can catch me being a moody bitch and remind me of all the stuff I said and shame me back into acting right. ☺
So I re-read my post from the other day and realized it wasn't really a typical post about the things I'm thankful for. And then I realized I'm not thankful for the normal things. (Well, that's not true, I am thankful for EVERYTHING - for every breath - for every smile - for every good intention - every ray of sunlight - for every beautiful sight and sound and smell - for every feeling of good energy - for every still moment, but anyways...)
I can easily get wrapped up in badness, so I keep a gratitude journal. I believe that every day has 1 thing that makes that day worth waking up for. Some days I'm thankful for how happy I am when using my gel pens, for singing in the car when a good song comes on, for the 1st drink of my Mt Dew in the morning, for an unexpected email or text from a friend...
But times are tough for everybody...
What am I thankful for?
I'm thankful that I don't have children and I'm not burdened with the responsibility of another.
I'm thankful that I am not hooked on cigarettes or gambling or booze - whatever is an extra expense to daily living.
I'm thankful that I don't own my home. I've owned homes before, but in this economy and with my job hanging in the balance, I find some sick comfort in being able to pick up and walk away.
I'm thankful for the truly wonderful people that surround me. There are some genuinely good souls in this world and I know I've met most of them. My roommates and my best friend and my pirate and my cousin Sunny and... you know who you are...
I'm thankful for awareness. As contradictory and hypocritical and depressing as it may be... I'm thankful for the light.
I just don't know what the future holds, but I'm thankful for my past. I'm thankful that I know I can survive on my own. That I'm capable. That I know I can start over and be okay. That I'm somewhat smart. That I wasn't hit with the ugly stick. That while I struggle to know what will happen next, that I know it doesn't matter cuz everything will be okay.
I'm thankful for HarMar.
I'm thankful for being healthy and vegetarian and active.
I'm thankful for reuniting with my family.
Now it's 11pm and I'm ready for bed.
So, this is probably going to bore the few that read this, but I write for me not you, so it's ok.
It's thanksgiving day. I'm in my parents rv and we're cruising into vegas as I type this. I'm gonna do the typical 'I'm thankful' post cuz life really can be good :)
I have ALWAYS loved RV's. My parents had one all my life and we've travelled the country, stopping at neat places we came across, resting when needed, eating home cooked food, using our own bathroom. Harmar is just crusing next to me on the couch. It is truly a lifestyle I believe in. Hands down I will own an rv someday.
For work I travel a lot. Funny part is we sell the rv's- we don't use them. So I've been to every airport and hotel and rental car place in America. The lines the delays the smoke smell and the expense- it's NOT even close to recommended!
I'm the type of person who needs to LIVE what I do though, so it makes sense. It often means I'm extreme, but I want to be excited and happy and fully enveloped by whatever I'm doing. I'm passionate about food and clothes and computers (stop and recognize I'm posting this from my iPhone which is THE coolest thing ever!) and YES everything RV related. Who wouldn't love sipping on a cocktail, surfing the web, sitting next to ur dog, and cruising towards vegas? And if u stop to appreciate it, get excited about it (whatever 'it' might be) then u can say u LIVED it, u felt it, u experienced it!
We stopped at stateline and went to the outlets. I got some cute shoes. Closed toed flats !GASP! That's never happened before- I'm slightly addicted to open toed high heels. My friend John seems to think I have aspirations of becoming a stripper. Ha! Hardly.
Anyways, as a side note, we were going to stop in Bakersfield last night but it seems they've closed every rest stop in California for repairs. Yeah, that's a good idea on the busiest travel day of the year. And u know cal trans works on thanksgiving day. Uh NOT- LAME! My poor dad wound up driving until 4am to find a Valero gas station we could sleep in.
We also had a 30 minute taco bell experience which left me giggling. I just try not to get too worked up and was THANKFUL I wasn't with one of my many friends who would have blown a gasket. Apparently, I stereotyped the Spanish speaking fellow at the taco bell counter to understand what a taco was. I also assumed that this particular item might be a popular enough seller that it would be easily found on his register. See what happens when u stereotype others and make assumptions? Also, I'm a pretty wordy person but I underestimated the complicated differences between the crunchy taco and the hard taco. I did not know taco bell only serves hard tacos or soft tacos. Ordering a crunchy taco (which is how it is on the menu board btw) is a special order that requires manager approval. Good times right there.
Anyways, we're just getting settled at the rv resort so I'm gonna go. Have a great thanksgiving!
Sent from my iPhone
I just watched Oprah last week... I know, I know, all the men have already stopped reading. I’m fascinated by this principle “The law of Attraction”. I do strongly believe that we are all one with nature and the universe. That the atoms that passed thru our ancestors and the rocky mountains and the dinosaurs and the walls of our homes are what now pass thru us. That we ARE energy.
This law of attraction claims that energy attracts similar energy. Your thoughts and your purpose ARE energy. Therefore what you think attracts back to you what your future will most likely be. Hence, negative thoughts and negative energy bring forth a slightly disappointing and/or negative future.
I don’t want that to happen to me. I want to be thankful for every second that I am awake and alive. I want to LEARN from what bad experiences I am in so they can cease and I can move on. I fear that if we don’t look back on our past and truly thank it for the lessons it has taught us, then we are doomed to receive similar setbacks in the future.
These are things my mother has been saying to me for years and things I’ve always felt and believed. Even WAAY back when, I remember reading her Depak Chopra books and grasping to understand my own inner strength and power.
Staying positive is hard though. It takes great effort to truly center yourself, step back from the situation, and look for the good in things. I wouldn’t say I’m very good at it, and I’m trying to make little mental notes of my hypocritical moments. There are many :( But, I AM GONNA GET THERE! I’m gonna be so damn happy NO ONE will want to even be around me!
I’m hoping to stop by the book store soon and buy some books on this subject. I don’t really want to do it so that I will be a millionaire or be famous or simply get whatever I want without having to work at anything - just so you know! But I do want to use whatever power I have to make sure that I live the most successful and fulfilled life I can.
I sound crazy, don’t I? You can say it if you think so... I’ll only cry a little. LOL
Hey Everyone! Thanks for visiting my blog. My name is Marisa!! Some people call me Mars... The picture to the left is already outdated as I change my hair all the time... so just roll with it okay?
I've always been a word nerd and find writing to be cathartic for the chaos that overtakes my brain. I don't claim to be a journalist or a writer or any "title" of anything special. I'm random and overly detailed and sarcastic as fuck, so have fun figuring out what I'm serious about and what I'm not. HAHA
If you click around, you may notice I've been posting stuff since like 2005, but actually I'll ask that you don't read back to those days. They're a bit darker than the happy sunny rainbows I'd like to portray!
Actually, as with every year, 2010 has brought me greater understandings about my life and just how good it can be. I live in Fresno, California and even though people give us a hard time, this really is a great place to live.
Besides being a complete Apple (Mac) fanatic, there's not much I don't enjoy. Ask me and I'll tell you, but some of my favorites involve cooking, party planning, eating, reading, drawing, and talking. I could eat a million chocodiles too... GO TRY ONE RIGHT NOW AND THEN COME BACK!! I'm nervous and twitchy and hilarious if I do say so myself. I want to soak in any and all that life brings my way to it's extreme! I truly believe life is in the little details. I don't really know where I'm going with this so I'm going to awkwardly change the subject with no segue... and yeah, that is one fucked up word...
I also have the cutest dog on earth. His name is HarMar and you can click the labels to see his many adorable pictures. I don't want to explain the name too many more times, but so that you all will quit frowning and wishing I had named him Skittles or something annoying: He's named after "HarMar Super Star" the band of an eclectic and unattractive man who gets all the ladies... I thought it was appropriate! Enough said?
AS FOR ME ME:
I don't want to look back on life and have any regrets that I didn't do or try something! In fact, I've always found that while life is full of mistakes, I've always regretted the things I didn't do, far more than the things I did do.
I'm a strict vegetarian and I can't believe it's been 7 years already! However, I love to cook and I promise you won't leave hungry after I cook you an honest meal! I also have a secret love for people who lapse into moments of nerdiness.
Overall, I'm seeking balance, acceptance, and happiness. That's not too much ask is it?
10 Personal Truths
1. I believe in the universal interconnectedness of all things.
2. I have an almost unbearable sensitivity to anothers aura and BEG that people be conscious of the energy they bring to me. Negativity and anger emanating from another can literally bring me to my knees and I cease to function....
3. I am greatly comforted by symmetry and find that my mental clarity really is tied to the tidyness of my house/office/drawers/etc... "A place for everything and everything in it's place"
4. I have an "addictive" personality. I am slightly compulsive about: Straightening, steam cleaning, caffeine, food, driving fast, and a slew of other things I'm sure...
5. I am a cookware snob (Particularly knives...) I would much rather go through the tedious process to pack up my own equipment and bring it with me WHEREVER than be forced to cook with sub-standard stuff. I will NOT cut anything unless I have my own knife...
6. I am a contradiction. I want to be tough like a man, but treated tenderly like a woman. There is nothing I can't do, but I would love if someone wanted to take care of me. I am the sweetest most innocent person you know, but extremely exposed, raw, and jaded to many things. I am a girly tomboy. I am a meat loving vegetarian.
7. I'm pretty sure I have an undocumented case of Narcolepsy and restless leg syndrome.
8. If they invented a chip you could put in your brain that functioned like an iPod I would be the first to sign up for it! I want to hear music in my head 24 hrs a day.
9. I believe that diet (food) and exercise are the keys to solving almost every health issue.
10. I am extremely passionate (almost extreme) about everything I do and I cannot do anything that I do not believe in, but this has led to me over committing myself to too many things at once which drains me.
So - did you know those 10 things? Maybe, maybe not. Hope to see you around the blogosphere!
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