Wednesday, August 13, 2008

A disturbing epidemic!

Okay people, prepare yourself for this one because I plan on talking about some truly gnarly stuff here. I want to talk about advertising. Particularly commercials on TV.

There are some of you out there whom I’ve already covered this topic with in great detail, but I don’t think any action is being taken here and I NEED ANSWERS! I live in fear of the assault to my sensibilities that happens when I turn on the tube.

Here is the biggest offender. Toilet paper. Yeah, I said it - the days of “Squeezing the Charmin” are dead folks. Now we have whole families of bears taking a very difficult dump ON PRIME-TIME TV! We’re talking squinting, steam coming out the bears ear, and nothing more than a twig for a tree blocking his “business” with the whole family watching! REALLY?! The latest one is the momma bear chasing around the baby bear because he has little shreds of toilet paper stuck to his butt. Which one of you is using your toilet paper like it’s a Mr Clean Magic Erase bar on your “business” until it disintegrates? Apparently enough of you practically had to call for emergency assistance until the toilet paper industry as a whole had to respond with more “DURABLE” toilet paper.


On a very non-intellectual note, who doesn’t NEED toilet paper? Do we even have to advertise it? You WILL be going to the store and you WILL find the toilet paper isle and you WILL purchase it. And you can read labels and squeeze it and price check it, blah blah blah when you are there in front of it... But some of us watch TV while they eat dinner and I can’t take it anymore! I’ve seen every commercial from a dog pushing the toilet paper roll thru the house, to strange little people hand quilting my TP. I don’t like the thought of other people touching my toilet paper. They even had one for toilet paper with ridges on it for when you really have to dig in deep back there.

I can’t make this up. and... I... AM... HORRIFIED...!

I also have never made an escape rope out of tied together tampons in order to escape a party while wearing a head to toe all white outfit. Ummmm, WHAT?!? You also don’t need to advertise your Maxi-pads and end the commercial with “PERIOD” and a big red dot either. That’s just disgusting!

I can’t take it anymore... This is why I have TiVo! Because I may just do something drastic one day if I’m unable to escape the IN YOUR FACE advertising tactics of corporate america.

God Help Us All!


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