Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Airing My Grievances

Seems there has been much talk over the “25 things about me” bulletin that’s been going around on Facebook. I personally don’t “GET” Facebook, but anyways... I always have little 1 liners that pop into my head of things that totally annoy me and I think to myself, I should write a blog about this, but then I don’t really have enough to WRITE about and it never seems to happen. Plus, I write a lot of “meme’s” and “10 things about me” and no one ever responds, so I’m giving up...

And you get... my list of grievances/pet peeves/annoyances/whatever. Can you relate to any of these or is it just me? Please share! I read some GREAT ONES *HERE*

1) TV Commercials. Hate them. (And I work in advertising LOL) But no commercial I’ve ever done has involved a bunch of people with herpes in a community pool, bears eating ice cream and taking group poops together (Click HERE or HERE), grandma peeing her pants while playing tennis, talking toe fungus, a woman wearing white pants making an escape rope out of tampons, or any type of erection. Seriously, is there no shame anymore? BRING BACK THE SHAME!

2) Spastic People. If you sent me an email - don’t get all impatient and then immediately call me and ask if I got your email and then proceed to tell me what you said in your email.

3) Eating out 1. When I ask if you have Mountain Dew and they reply “No, but we have Sprite.” I swear to God I’m going to freak out on someone. How is Mtn. Dew ANYTHING like Sprite? Why can’t you just say “NO, Sorry.” ARG...

4) Eating out 2. Waiters/Waitresses who don’t know their menu. I haven’t eaten meat or meat products in so long that I get sick now. Is that soup or rice made with chicken broth? Lard in the refried beans? Anchovies in the caesar dressing? If there is and you don’t tell me I’ll be throwing up all night, So this isn’t me trying to be difficult, I just need to know.

5) Eating out 3. When you tell a waiter/waitress that you are a vegetarian in order to ask questions about the menu and they say... do you eat fish? Since when did a fish lose its classification as a living animal?

6) Poser Vegetarians. If you don’t eat red meat, that doesn’t make you a vegetarian. That just makes you a person who doesn’t eat red meat. I’ve heard it all - they call themselves a “beady eyed vegetarians” because they only eat things w/ beady eyes like fish and chicken. That’s SO DUMB!

7) Stereotypical Drivers. Why does everyone who owns a Prius go 35mph or under. I KNOW they can go faster. And it’s never in the slow lane... always somehow they block ALL lanes of traffic. (For another traffic stories click HERE.) I teeter on the edge of insanity here.

8) Certain Sayings. People who say 'holla at your boy' or ‘spank you very much’

9) Short People. Hold on, hold on - that’s not as bad as it sounds. It’s just, I’m only 5’7” but there are so damn many of you 5 footers out there it’s changed the market. Now if Marisa wants to wear anything other than Capri’s, she has to pay $250 for a long enough pair of pants. Also, dancing with you is difficult, I have to basically do lunges & squats all night and it sucks. (yes, i know lunges and squats sound like TERRIBLE dance moves... they are and I never claimed to be a good dancer, so there) Granted I shouldn’t have put on those 4” heels essentially making me 6 feet tall, but I digress...

10) Technology. Microsoft Windows (Because MAC RULES!)

11) TYPING IN ALL CAPITALS. Are ya kiddin me? Its crazy talk - just plain crazy. I INSTANTLY know you aren't quite right in the head if I'm getting a letter or an email and it's in all CAPS.

12) Incapable Women. I guess I know a few girls who don’t cook, but it bothers me. I think my generation of women is in serious crisis.

13) Being Cold. Yeah, I know I’ve covered this a lot lately, but it’s a grievance, let me tell you! (Click HERE)

14) Carl’s Jr. Commercials. Someone had to say it... Are meat eaters and men really SO retarded that they can't even make their way in and out of a grocery store? And seriously, the dripping and the messiness... I am not in their demographic AT ALL!

15) Unnecessary Rudeness. Like people who insist on changing their cell phone ring tones in public. Or the guy 3rd in line at the gas station behind me who YELLS OUT to the cashier, “I’ve got some change coming to me on pump 8”... UMMM, SIR... You must be nearly 75 years old, is the concept of a FUCKING LINE new to you? How dare my fountain drink purchase get in your way. Clearly you are the only one with some place to go.

16) Dumb people. People who perpetuate chain letters, urban legends, and stuff that's just STUPID! No, there's not blood in ketchup, needles in movie seats, or AIDS on shopping cart handles... NO, that's not the latest virus - or you would have heard about it on every news station on the planet... NNNOOO, forwarding that shit does not make something pop up on your screen, give you the answer to a joke, or make you money. Or did it just not work the last 200 times, but you're willing to try it again? GOSH! Make the idiocy stop!

17) Stick shift cars. I used to drive one, but I probably couldn’t now. However, PLEASE, tell me why I would pay THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS (or more) for something that requires me to use both arms and both legs? Seriously, why? Oh I’m sorry, did no one tell you they invented one that does all that shit for you? You press the gas pedal and it just goes. No brake, and then clutch, and then check the RPMS, and check clutch again, and then scream in terror as you roll back downhill into oncoming traffic. It’s called technology people - get with the times!

18) Make-up. Actually I love make-up. It’s just a grievance that I NEED it. But also because I buy expensive make-up and wear it and then people say it looks like I don’t have any on. But when I don’t wear it, they say I look tired. However, they never say “OH, you didn’t wear any make-up.” I’m confused, and also annoyed, so thats how come Make-up is making my list!

19) The Cracker Barrel. I’ve eaten there too many times, that’s why! A single person can only eat fried okra so many times, although I kick ass at the peg game (Yeah, you know what I’m talking about)

20) Water. I don’t like drinking it. I do, but I don’t like it. Read about that HERE. Other grievances involving water: *When it’s humid or rainy or foggy or whatever, it makes my hair frizzy. *When the hot water runs out. *When city water tastes like chlorine and I have to buy those expensive filter refills for my Britta. * I don’t like swimming in open water like lakes because I believe in the whale sized catfish that live by the damn are going to eat me alive. The only reason I learned to water ski was to get up and on top of the water FAST where my cute little toes don’t look so yummy.

Is 20 enough for today. I’m sure I could go on.

4 comments:

Steam Me Up, Kid February 10, 2009 at 7:37 PM  

Oh lord the Carl's Jr commercials. I don't get in what universe watching greasy fat dripping down someone's face and fingers is supposed to be appetizing. I love ice cream, but if I had to watch it drip down some guy's face, i'd probably even pass on that.

brodiemash February 11, 2009 at 4:27 PM  

LOL! Tru dat on the Mountain Dew/Sprite substitute. Story of my life....

Spamboy February 16, 2009 at 6:20 PM  

#3: Once went to the Outback Steakhouse in Terre Haute, IN. Texas boy here asked for a Dr. Pepper. Waitness replied, "Oh honey, I'm sorry. We don't have Dr. Pepper -- but we have Cherry Coke!" My dad responds, "Who the ---- wants Cherry Coke?" I got a Sprite as a compromise instead.

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Sorry for offtopic

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