Leave personal maintenance to the professionals...

I'm mad at the economy. Well, mad in probably the most facetious and petty way possible, but that's how I roll, yo!

I keep writing sentences and I can't decide whether I want this to be a really serious post or a funny one. I'm guessing mostly funny because I really don't have anything to complain about. It's just like Louis CK and his "Everything's amazing, Nobody's happy" video. Watch here:

I think we all got ahead of ourselves and maybe life does need to settle back down so we can appreciate what we have. I bought my first house in 2000, lived there for 2+ years and never had cable, internet, or a livingroom couch. Oddly enough, I recall being busy and happy. WEIRD. I seriously, at this point, would give up food to keep my TiVo recording. That's not petty right? A girl's gotta have priorities... I think food and insurance are way overrated anyways.

Mostly, I just don't like being crowded and I think there are a few too many of you on this boat. Yeah, I can see the "capacity" sign from my prime window seat and we're definitely overfull. I think I'm feeling a little seasick here.

Actually, as a workin' girl, I can now see I lived the last few years like a lady of leisure... Mostly, I'm upset because I LOVED IT! I was professionally maintained from head to toe, literally. Ladies of leisure don't bother with shaving and combing their hair and painting their nails. I know this because I laughed entirely too hard when watching the Kath & Kim episode where Kim heads out to get a mani/pedi while proclaiming "Painting your own nails is so poor!" IT IS and I hate being poor! It's so much better to leave all that personal maintenance bullshit to the pros. You know you've made it when you are willing to pay cash money (that's my gangsta word of the month BTW) to some woman so that she can crawl all over your hooha waxing and tweezing because you just can't be bothered with those things.

And as a poor person now, I'm also incredibly lazy. I'm laying in bed on a Sunday at 11am listening to my iPod with my dog curled up next to me, but my laptop battery is in the red and I'm not feeling like going into the living room to get my power cord. Mostly because I'm naked and don't think my roommates would appreciate that. See, that's also lazy because I don't want to bother with a robe. However, I read somewhere you shouldn't end a blog post in the middle of discussing getting Brazilian waxes, but looks like that's what's gonna happen. When will this retardedly expensive dog get his ass up and do something other than cost me MORE money?

I've added it up and I'm thinking $1,000 more a month will adequately provide me with the lifestyle I've become accustomed too. Anyone want to be my sugar daddy? I'm prepping my "trophy wife" resume right now...