Tuesday, December 29, 2009

On a scale of 1 to 10...

How gross would you say crotch sweat is?

I'm gonna say it's about an 8 - UGH!

Can you tell me why it is that I have a trainer who works my calves and my quads and my arms and my abs, but the only thing that sweats is my crotch?

Nothing more awesome than a cute 21 year old musclebound trainer seeing that. Yeah, wow, sorry Erik, how come I have to show you my absolute worst in order to eventually look my best?

Here I am, twice a week, letting you see me at my worst - complaining, in pain, sweaty, and smelly.

Yeah, WAAAAAY T. M. I.   I know, I know.



Mintzworks December 30, 2009 at 9:33 AM  

Crotch sweat is actually an 8 1/2, just ahead of crusty shorts and just below pimple-pus.

Pre-workout baby powder applied to the about-to-be-affected area. Adults can buy 'Shower-to-Shower' and pretend it's not baby powder.

Mix that with dark shorts and your 21 yo cutie will be nonethewiser.

PS--In case they don't have mirrors in your gym, it turns out you're what we in the business call "SUPER HOT."

Super Hot Girls(tm) can pretty much have toe-jamb, crotch sweat AND pimple pus and still be considered hot.

Five O'Clock Armpit shadow, however, kills the whole hottie idea.

oneheavenlyheart December 30, 2009 at 10:54 AM  

Something tells me this will go disastrously wrong and I should just not be pouring baby powder down my pants.

I'm gonna rely on this SHG(tm) thing and just keep shaving my armpits everyday, mmkay?

PS - what "Business" are you in? And this statement only proves to me you have not seen me there! It's a nightmare!

Mintzworks December 30, 2009 at 1:59 PM  

I'm in the 'do a little bit of everything' business.

I've been Program Director for Fresno Reel Pride, I market/consult for a Physical Therapy clinic www.physiomotion.com, I work at Starline sometimes, I do film gigs, event planning (including weddings sometimes).

I do a lot of stuff just so I don't have to do the same thing every day. Or work at all, really.

But anyone in ANY business would consider you a SHG.

And one doesn't pour baby powder down their shorts. One does the poofty squeeze(also tm). Open your baby powder. Pour a dash out into the trash (or onto your bedsheets for a comfy, nice-smelling night). Then close the lid. THEN aim into shorts and squeeze - there'll be residual poofty of fine powder/smokey stuff that'll do the trick just fine without any unseemly white streaks.

Note: Pattycake pat the powder on your sheets, and don't forget a dash on the pillow. Makes for a nice freshness!

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