Monday, November 24, 2008

Know your role...

Heard some EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE interesting things the other day about “Knowing My Role”... I think it just takes some major nerve to SAY that. I’m very well aware that this whole society works on knowing your role. Every job has a boss. Every societal group has a leader. Every family has a head. Every clique has a pecking order. There has to be a defined order to everything, an understanding. But there is a really angry feminist inside of me that psycho BRISTLES at the thought of being told how to be, what to be, what I can and can’t do. There was even one point where he said “WIthout a doubt there are women out there who could probably do a better job, be more efficient, organized, and capable than a man, BUT THAT’S NOT YOUR ROLE...”

Oh no you didn’t just say that!

Actually, I was unable to control my face, but it was probably due to the massive whole body seizure I was having after hearing those words. Yep yep, I’m virtual blogging this from the grave. Ha! For all the things that I have done wrong (and there’s some doozies, let me tell ya) know what my most egregious sin is? “I have headship issues” As I so eloquently explained to a friend of mine, how is it that I could probably suck every dick in America, but it’s worse for me to not listen when a man tells me to do something? LOL I was informed sucking every dick in America is probably a bad thing no matter who you are and a very bold statement. Ha Ha - I know, but I was just rambling. Sometimes I exaggerate to get my point across, ok?

Seriously though, I just want to be reasonable... Actually admitting that a women could do a better job at something but won’t get the opportunity because she lacks the necessary (Between the legs) accoutrements is so mind boggling. Sexism is offensive people. It’s just as bad as racism or homophobia. IE: NOT GOOD.

I’m such a contradiction though. I’m really not a feminist. I love to cook. I love cleaning. I love being a woman. I want to be held. Talked to in a (not condescending or patronizing) soft voice. I want to be taken care of. Treated tenderly. My dream is to find a man who will TAKE all this man responsibility from me so that I CAN truly fulfill my womanly roll. But it doesn’t work for me if I don’t trust you. If I don’t respect you. I have these trust issues, which manifest into control issues... and I pretty much need to know someone is more capable and more strong willed than I am. (Please note, breaking me emotionally until I just give up is not what I’m talking about here - that can be done too, but really not what I’m going for!) To really pry it away from me so that I CAN just melt down, open up, and be this ethereal female creature I want to be. Well, I’m not holding my breath about it. HA!

I’m complicated. I don’t make any sense. I know this now. It’s hard for people to figure me out and my actions give people varying ideas of who I am and what I’m about. Some have said they see my hesitation and they wonder what I’m on the fence about. Hell, even I don’t know sometimes. I live my life on the fence. I’m just always waiting for something to “feel right” and then I fall to one side or the other. I follow my soul.

Read a wonderful quote from the Tao that says “The master observes the world, but trusts his own inner vision”... I’m no master, but I see a lot going on around me - a lot which I can get into my head about and debate which way I should go, but ultimately I have to just look inside and say “does it feel right?” and that’s usually what I do - unless of course alcohol is involved. But we’re just gonna stop there. ahahhaaha

Have a good one everybody.


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