Losing yourself...

Some days do you ever feel like you’re playing a game of hide and seek with yourself?

When you are, internally by nature, a people pleaser, the easiest option is to “when in Rome” it... but do that too many times and it’s pretty easy to forget if you’re doing some things because you like them or if that’s just what so n so likes. Or do you like it because it quells the anxiety of taking a stand and doing something different? 

Maybe I started typing this before my thoughts have formulated enough? 

What do I like?! Like really like like?!?!

I used to draw. I love colored sharpie markers and elaborate designs.

I used to run. I loved my physique and constant feelings of accomplishment.

I used to do yoga. I loved the connection to something karmic & universal. And the exercise, flexibility & inner peace didn’t hurt either!

I used to blog. Writing has always been cathartic for me. And I’m funny. And I LOVE documenting life. I feel like a gripping, humorous, raw, honest, informative blog is something they should share at your funeral so everyone can catch a glimpse of a decent person living an exceptional life!

I used to read. Voraciously. There’s nothing in life like a good book.

So why don’t I do those things? Not because we’re too busy (although sometimes) but moreso because those things are selfish. They take time alone. Or better yet, they take time away- away from Curt who assigns ZERO value to blogging or reading or running a marathon. And that’s when I say “what do you want to do?” And poof, I’m lost again.

Not sure I have an answer yet. Right when I say it’s all going to change, we leave for another show! Talk a an all encompassing, life changing event...! DERAILED....

But I am working secretly to get there. I’ve been tracking my sleep, cutting back on my caffeine, doing some light exercise, & hopefully, slowly I’ll get to where I can sleep better, wake up more rested, have more energy and a clearer mind to hone in on some time for ME.