Friday, March 19, 2010

Everybody hates that girl...

You know that girl..? The one who picks apart every detail of her body? Who stares in the mirror and pokes and pinches and prods at herself? The one who bitches and moans and apologizes about the size of her jeans or a double chin, but does absolutely NOTHING about it?

Yeah, I hate that girl! Everybody hates that girl!

Unfortunately, I was that girl. I never really considered myself fat, but I was just about busting out of a size 10 at one point. I can admit it - at my heaviest ever I weighed 142 lbs. Granted I'm 5'7" so it's not the end of the world, but I certainly wasn't happy. I'll show you pictures to prove it. NEVER BEFORE SEEN UNFLATTERING PICTURES.

Yeah, those suck... Looking at those fills me with shame. Hours I stared at and hated myself. Lusted after skinny girls in magazines. Destroyed photos. Avoided bathing suits like the plague. Know what I did about it? Not a goddamn thing! I ATE... I DRANK... I sat on my large ass and watched TV and I blah blah blah'd about it.

Then thanks to a very stressful time in my life (layoffs, paycuts, moves, breakups, religion, woe, etc) I lost 25 lbs! Know what's funny? Nothing changed. I looked pretty darn good, but STILL I hated parts of me.

Everyone hates THAT girl too.

Then I gained 10lbs of that 25 BACK! ACK! WAKE UP CALL! Truth is I wasn't healthy. I wasn't exercising, I was eating all the time (HEY EVERYONE KNOWS I LIVE AND BREATH FOOD RIGHT?) I was drinking 100+ oz of Mtn Dew every day. I got bad news at the doctors office that I only had 53% lung capacity. I was a mess and it finally dawned on me I had to do something about it!

I wanna love my body because I earned it. I wanna be proud of my efforts. I wanna be able to breath and do stuff without being winded. I don't want to get the beginnings of a cold and have it turn instantly into bronchitis or something lung related.

Plus, in looking back on my 30+ years, you know what? You only get older. You only get fatter. Exercising and losing weight and changing habits only gets HARDER!

I work in an industry where our main client demographic is 70+. Some I see with their oxygen tanks and their canes and their pills and their difficult life. Then there are some who are vibrant and active and happy. This contrast has motivated me to start a revolution in my life. I want to set up my future for one of vibrancy and activity and LIFE!

So, why am I eating healthy, and sacrificing oh so yummy junk food, and working out 5 days a week? Certainly not because it's easy, or fun, or inexpensive, or fits in my schedule. CERTAINLY NOT!

So, folks, there you have it. Embarrassing fat pictures and all. That is why I work out and work so hard. That is why I FORCE myself to stick to this path. I may not love it now, but 30 years from now I don't want to look back and say, YOU KNOW, I coulda ate one less candy bar. I coulda skipped 30 minutes of some stupid reality show and went for a jog, but I didn't and now I'm a mess. Yeah, that would be a shame.

Plus, I really want to go to Vegas for my birthday in July and be as hot as humanly possibly in the most inappropriate bathing suit ever made. SO, see you at the gym tomorrow? YEP, I'll be there!


Mintzworks March 19, 2010 at 8:53 AM  

There's a lot I could say here. Some cliche about loving yourself no matter what, some diatribe about your body isn't the real you, some crap dealing with childhood and environment, disorders and whatnot.

That's all crap. I just hope you find and achieve whatever it is that will make you happy on an overall basis.

Who knows what that end result will be, but I hope you find happiness in the journey more than with you looking fucking mojohot in your barely-there Vegas bikini.

Having said that, I, of course, expect life-sized photos of you in the bikini. Because, hey, why not spread that kind of happiness around?

D March 19, 2010 at 6:46 PM  

That was motivational! Now i wanna go work out!work it girl!

Michael March 22, 2010 at 12:20 AM  

You already know what I think on how you look (seriously, how do you not have a restraining order against me yet?) so I won't really repeat myself except to say I've always thought you were a stunning woman since the first day I met you. And that's not just based off your physical appearance. You are an incredibly wonderful person and it shows. I find you perfect how you are now, but I know that doesn't really matter. And I'll be honest, I'm a bit intimidated by you and that is a rare thing for someone to do that with me. So that should say something (I hope).

Like Mintz said, I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for because you definitely deserve to be happy. And I don't need a life-sized photo of the Vegas pic, but one I can use as my desktop wallpaper would be nice. Hell I'll even buy a Mac if that's what it takes.

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