I'd rather them steal my car...

(Ok, I was already corrected that that is not a true statement... but work with me here)

You may need a little background story, so here it goes: I like Mt Dew. Sorry Shane - avert your eyes or deal with it. I drink a lot of soda - A LOT. In fact, I just did my budget and realized I spend almost $50 a month in soda from the vending machines at work. OH MY GOD! Now, I figured out that for $8 a month, I can get the same amount of soda if I pre-buy it at the grocery story and bring 1 with me to work every day.

And being the ritualistic person that I am, I start every day the same. I bring a soda, some cheez-itz, a salad, a red bull, and a mt dew with me to work every day. When I get to my office I take off my sunglasses, put my purse down and take my 1 bottle (Only bottles, no cans) of Mt Dew to the kitchen along with my lunch. I put my soda in the top shelf on the door of the 1st refer (We have 3 refer’s in our kitchen - it’s a big kitchen)

I return to my desk, check my email, read my daily blogs, and drink my red bull and work. Around 10am my friend brings me a soda. He’s on a ritualistic schedule like me too. He gets a Pepsi and I get a Mt Dew and we take our 1st drink is silence. We try to never drink alone. That will last me through lunch. Then around 3pm I get antsy and I head to the kitchen for the soda I brought from home.

Well, today at noon, I go to get my salad and glance over at the door - NO FUCKING SODA THERE. They took it! They fucking stole my soda! There is some soul-less mother fucker around here who does this and I’m beside myself with anger about it.

This has happened before. They will finish your left overs. If you bring a loaf of bread it will slowly start to disappear. A package of cookies in a bag, in a drawer, with your name written ALL OVER IT and day by day, 1 cookie at a time the package will empty itself.

I would rather them steal my car. Then I would at least have a valid reason to get upset. Then I could file a complaint with the police. Then I could get reimbursed for my time and troubles from my insurance company. Then someone could go to jail. Then I would understand it. Oh man, they were on drugs, they were in a rough place, they were SOMETHING UNDERSTANDABLE... This doesn’t make it less upsetting or right, but steal my lunch or my soda? They were what...? Thirsty? It’s not like life or death thirsty. We have a water dispenser right there. We have free popcorn in the lounge. UGH.

Right now I’m SO UPSET, but at the same time it’s like - seriously, all this energy over a fucking soda? it’s only a dollar... I have a dollar... fuck-it whatever. And this is why they do it. Because they can get away with it. I know it’s so lame, but this type of thing really tweaks my sensibilities. I am a generous person. I’ll buy you lunch or do a lot of bending over backwards for you - so all you have to do it ask. But to just show up, say “Hey that looks good” and take it makes me crazy.

Seriously, whoever you are - you can go to mother fucking hell.

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*UPDATE*
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Spent over an hour reviewing the security tapes from our kitchen (Yes, we have cameras in there because this is a CHRONIC offense around here...) Couldn’t find the culprit though. There is a 6 second delay and after several trial runs, I can make it into camera, grab the item, and off camera in the 6 second window... GOD DAMMIT!

HOWEVER, look what I just saw on the water fountain outside the bathroom...!

I know whose stuff that is!!

This wouldn’t be so significant if it wasn’t a little 12 oz bottle. Those you have to buy in a 12 pack at the grocery store. They aren’t sold in vending machines or convenience stores...

And I walked by her desk today and there it is.... She using it as a refillable water bottle. The rest of the week I’m on stake-out! I’ve written my initials on the bottom of a new bottle and placed it in the same place and I’m not going to drink it! When she takes that one, that bitch is so busted!