Hey Hey - I should be sleeping!

Yeah, I promised myself I'd start getting to bed sooner... So, I am, technically, IN BED, but I thought to myself, Marisa, your loyal readers cannot make it through this week without an update as to the many mundane things you did this weekend.

THEREFORE, MY FRIENDS, I WILL SACRIFICE SLEEP AND GIVE TO YOU A WEEKEND UPDATE!

Well, Friday I cleaned and didn't do much. Saturday I slept until noon which was DIVINE! I went to visit my grandma who has Parkinsons disease. That was hard on me to see and the medication actually makes her a little loopy sometimes which makes it even harder, but it was the right thing to do. I had a rather dramatic experience with my mom at Qdoba, but that's a 20 minute IN PERSON story if you know what I mean!

Don't forget how cute HarMar is when he has full access to the outside, but prefers to lounge in human comfort while LOOKING outside!

Mostly I cleaned and hung out with my parents and we watched that I Am Legend movie which i found to be rather disturbing. Hmpf!

I saw another gorgeous sunset this weekend too! I don't really have any idea how the earth works, but sitting here in my room long enough has allowed my mind to devise a theory that because we are in a valley, something with the air currents happens that makes us have prettier sunsets than any other place. Is that true?

Also, if you haven't heard me mention - I'm sorta kinda maybe quit reading this I don't know making a cooking show. Soooooo uummmmm, I'll be debuting it this next week most likely. Will you watch? OMG I'm so nervous!

Pretend you didn't read that and look at what I ate for dinner tonight instead. This is a panzanella salad topped portobella mushroom.  MMMM

Check back soon for more info. Luv's Ya's!

What I've been up to... And FREE PORN!

Hey everyone...

MISS ME? I've been busy supporting our economy! In the world of shopping, NO ONE can hang with me in a shopping marathon. Oh, you think you can? We'll talk when hour 6 rolls around... They ALL talk the talk, but no one has ever walked the walk.

Well, with the exception of MY MOTHER - that women will BREAK YOU! She's got a handicap placard and she knows how to use it! She also knows how to use her children as pack mules to haul the scrap metal or whatever she purchased that one time that weighed like 200 lbs back to the car. HA HA, just kidding mom, I LOVE YOU! Well, that was a true story, so not really kidding...

A N Y W A Y S... Move along, nothing to see here !!!

I don't have enough time to put on a fashion show for you, but I got a little be of everything. Jackets, closed toed shoes, a shrug, shirts, jewelry... Gotta prep for winter, ya know?! However, every shopping trip produces something SO EXCITING, I get worked up just THINKING about it. Feast your eyes on my new lady friend. Yeah, I pretty much went lesbian just for her and her hot sister.

Yes, I know this is disturbing. I'm sorry. I LOVE SHOES! and Guess shoes, particularly those by Marciano are starting to multiply in my closet. Sometimes I just sit on the floor in my closet and look at all my little pretties. Is that weird? WHAT? WHY?!?! It makes me so happy though!

Wanna see what totally turns me on? Here's some FREE PORN for you. Go ahead, it's work safe... What? Don't you trust me? Just click it! C'MON!!

Speaking of fashion - it's a lot of work to even look semi put together! I think that's about the time some people just wave the white flag. They surrender. They. dont. care. This concept is foreign to me from every vantage point. On that note, I give to you the worst dressed man of the week.

Alright, enough of that nonsense... Don't you want to hear about other thing's that I think are cool that actually make me uncool?  LOOK AT THE LITTLE BASIL BABIES in my Aerogarden! They're growing up so fast... Why just a couple weeks ago I remember...

Okay, well, shoes, porn, and basil is about as wide a range of topics as I'm willing to cover today. I'm gonna call it a night now! G'night everyone!

Hammertime!!

Well, as usual, I'm a terrible blogger and get so busy and into so many projects and work so much that I'm many days late in writing about cool stuff. Will you still pretend to read so I feel good about myself?

Last Monday I went to The Big Fresno Fair again.  I got to see Tone Loc and MC Hammer.

1st, let me say - sometimes it pays to party with your parents. They get the HOOK UP! Sometimes you're with your little brother and your mom wears a fanny pack, but for FREE FOOD, FREE DRINKS, and VIP SEATING (as in so close I was touching the stage!) those things don't matter nearly as much! 

What a great show! I think a lot of people have this 80's/90's joke in their head when they think of MC Hammer, but NO WAY! That dude is a performer!

I was also privileged to video tape Mike Oz from The Fresno Beehive as he introduced the performers in his custom made hammer pants and all their glory...

Actually, I'll recommend you just read his post and watch his videos. After all, my seats were so close I really only got videos of everyone's feet. HA HA OMG that was so snobby wasn't it?

Actually, I was busy getting roses from the back up dancers, getting pulled up on stage, and overall being a self made celebutant!

TLTQ!

Dilbert gets me every time...

If you've had the pleasure of asking me computer questions, I'm pretty sure I've said something along the lines of: "Quit being afraid of it..." "Just push some buttons" "You can't break it anymore than it already is so why not just try something" "Don't even read it, just say OK OK OK"

And then I read this:

A HA HA HA - So my mom thought this was hilarious! In my defense, there's some sort of abnormal force around her house causing her computers to do things that hardly EVER happen.

Thought you could use a laugh. Happy Monday.

Locked up abroad

Has anyone seen this show on National Geographic channel?

I just lost 3 hours watching reruns of it.

WOW EEE WOW

Someone kill the power to this house will you? It's the only way I'll be able to leave this couch!

HELP!

There are no words...

Only a huge sigh...

Really?!

You can click on the Label if you want to and read all about it.

I AM THE WORLDS BIGGEST KLUTZ!

It causes me extreme pain - and not in a physical way. I won't post pictures because it just hurts too bad. I know I use humor as a deflection and my blog as a way to release the things that bother me, but this is so painful, hurtful, embarrassing... I just don't even know what to do.  UGH UGH UGH

I was just walking in from our little cafe outside. It's still kind of muddy under the patio from Tuesdays downpour. FLOOP! Feet right out from underneath me!!! Took the polish right off my toenails, scuffed my pants, mud everywhere.

AND YOU KNOW this never happens when no one is looking. VP, GSM, and a new employee RIGHT THERE to see me suddenly decide to sit indian style in the mud. Of course, like a true professional klutz, I didn't spill my soda or my little snack pack of cheezits. That's something right?

SERIOUSLY? Who else does this happen to? I can't think of anyone. I never see people eat it, drop stuff, break things, or fall down. I'm on an island of shame over here.

I need every one of you to write a post detailing your most embarrassing moments and send me a link so I feel better. PLEASE!!

Weekend Recap - 3 days late... Or maybe I should just title it, "What I've been up to"

People like pictures right? I always try to snap a picture that sums stuff up so I don't have to talk AS much. I do like to talk though! Let's just see how this goes!

I made breakfast for dinner. Biscuits and Gravy might not seem like a big deal to you, but have a vegetarian "gravy" is like a delicacy to me! MMMMMM

I freaked out at someone leaving their nasty hair brush and Aquanet on the bathroom counter in our public and shared restroom. As in LEAVE... as in it's been there for weeks and it's strewn about (obviously used) daily! Keep it classy folks.

I shopped all weekend to decorate a huge display for a work project. A huge space and a "Harvest" theme leads to many interesting conversations when you purchase an entire truckload of hay...

or when you drive a baby car and try to convert it into some sort of Halloween clown car... BEHOLD MY PUMPKINS...

Then my dad and I went to The Big Fresno Fair to see a rap concert... Random... I KNOW RIGHT? We saw "The Game" and it was awesome! Front row tickets, free food, and a great show.  Check out the newest fair treat - The Zucchini Weenie! HA HA!

Check back soon and I'll tell you all about the AWESOME concert I saw last night.  Does HAMMERTIME mean anything to you?  Awwwww Yeeeeaaahhh!

"Sorry to Bother You" is the new "Hello"

I think the running theme for my blog the last few weeks has been THE EDGE. That and possibly some arsonist tendencies, but whatever, right?

Seriously though, if one more person calls me and greets me with “Sorry to bother you...” I... I... I don’t know what I’ll do!!!

Are you good at math? Can you calculate for me how much time in minutes this WASTES of my day versus just saying “Hello” and then telling me what you fucking want?

You’re NOT sorry...
You saying it in a baby voice changes nothing of the requests to come...
It’s really annoying...

And what happens when I say, “Actually, you are bothering me!” ??? Do you walk away in shame? No, you still need something. I’m still going to do it for you. Let’s not kid each other, alright? I love pleasantries and jovial conversation, but it’s hollow and meaningless if that’s just instinctual drivel that spews out your pie hole because you think it somehow softens the blow of needing me to do MORE stuff for you.

So, please people, PLEASE - save the bullshit and the breath and lets just get on with it. Does anyone have a lighter? A match? A flam... uhhhhh - wait, huh, I just was going to smoke a ciga.... uhhhh Nevermind!

Thank you.

Weekend Update - But not really cool - Or Funny - Or... I don't know just read it okay?

Over at The Beehive they do a "Weekend ReCap" blog. It's quick and I like reading what other people did. Some of it makes me jealous and some of it makes me feel better that they didn't do anything special.

Here's what I did this weekend:

(1) Friday I Cleaned... but more of a spring cleaning (or fall cleaning? that didn't sound right) I cleaned my cleaning caddy, the freezer, the silverware drawer, my closet, my bathroom drawers... I turned that place upside down, but AAAHHHHHH it feels SO GOOD!

(2) Then my roommate came home with some friends to watch a movie. They were FASCINATED with my dinner. I told you I like an antipasti plate. MMMM

(3) Saturday I worked from home for a few hours. I saw Har Mar lounging - he is so cute. He likes to stay inside, but lay in the sun. AWWWW.

(4) I planted a new AeroGarden. This time it's International Basil! OH BOY! I'll keep you posted!

(5) Saturday night I picked up my friend Rebecca and took her to Roe. Her birthday was a week ago, but she was in Disneyland then, so she wanted all her friends to get together here this weekend. As a vegetarian for 7 years now, I never developed a love for sushi, but they had a vegetable roll that I tried. PEW PEW PEW. Seaweed tastes just like rotten fish. UGH! Sorry guys. I don't like coffee either. WILDLY POPULAR, yes!! MY THING, no!! I'll gladly stick to the vegetable tempura and edamame! Glad we were in before 10 though. GEEZ that place charges a $10 cover and is wildly packed!

(6) I am still surprised at how short people are in this town. I'm 5'7", but with 4" heel I'm nearing 6' tall. HAHA. There were only 3 guys in the entire place that could look me in the eye. If I was looking for a man, this would be very depressing.

(7) Sunday I realized it's cold like Alaska here!! Time to break out the electric blanket. I went to my parent's house after running my errands. Had dinner with my mom at Qdoba. It was actually good. She gave me a spare "warming blanket" that she had. Everyone should thank her because there was a high chance I would have died sometime during the night while watching TV on the couch BUT NOW I WILL LIVE! I have the warmth of electricity! YES!

(8) My mom also gave me this mini cherry pie. 1- I love cherry pie (save the innuendo guys...) 2- She originally bought it for my spoiled rotten brothers lunch, so I figured it would be at least THREE TIMES as tasty because I got to take it from him! However, my mom wanted to open it to see what it looked like inside. OF COURSE, as soon as I try to unload my car, the pie FLIES OUT the opening and meets it's early demise. :( NOOOOOOOOO!

SO ANYWAYS, that was my weekend in a nutshell - and even with a few pictures.

Let me leave you with an adorable pic of my little man chillin' on the couch!
Say it with me.
Awwwwwwwwwwww!

Night Terrors

I cannot and do not watch scary movies. Never. EVER.

What's funny is that, for me, reality is FAR more terrifying than anything a movie could portray. Mostly, my horror flicks involve nature shows about snakes or spiders or anything that has hoarders or dirty people. It is SO EXTREME. I just CANNOT contain myself.

Isn't there a saying "These are the things dreams are made of" ??

Well, let me show you what my nightmares are made of.

AAAAAHHHHHHH!!! That is SOOO NASTY...

People are GROSS! I simply cannot understand how anyone - ANYONE - could look at this and not take immediate action. Do you all understand why I am so tired all the time?

Of course, I cleaned it. I want you to be able sleep tonight, so here is the finished product.

I just find laziness and filth to be the most disgusting combination of things. It also is so very very unnecessary. PLEASE, do not be that person.