After a while Chocodile...

Ha Ha! Remember that saying? See ya later Alligator?! I'm amused by dumb stuff. It's okay, I'm happy and that's all that matters, right? RIGHT!?

And then people say, remember Marisa when this wasn't a blog dedicated to you and your love of snack food? I'm scratching me head here... You mean, you guys want those long droning on self-discovery sad posts? Oh ok, good, cuz boy do I have one brewing for you! I just have to find the right words for it!

ANYWAYS, it's not time yet. I wrote my Ode to the Chocodile post a couple days ago and realized I have more pictures with my beloved snack than I've let on. Figure I better settle up before I mosey on with my bid'ness...

This one was on a road trip :)

And here was a random one - mmmm

Well, before you all think I'm a total weirdo... here's a picture of our valley sky. This is why I always try to carry my camera with me.

Okay, I'm a liar... there's totally more Chocodile pictures! I don't just take one picture you know. A good picture requires an entire photo shoot! LOL Here's a few that didn't make the cut from last weeks HauteChocoCouture post!




Yeah, add me to your google reader RIGHT NOW. I guarantee this type of quality entertainment every time!

All in a Saturday's Work...

Well, everyone loves pictures so I'll make this short and sweet.

I've been craving eggs benedict for some reason and I was feeling adventurous! So today I decided to attempt to make it! I'm so stinkin' proud of myself. It was DELICIOUS!! I lightly sauteed some spinach with garlic olive oil and salt, added a little tomato and avocado, and viola! We won't talk about the egg poaching part. I tried to do it old school and let's just gracefully say it wasn't perfect. Still edible though and damn good! Feast your eyes...

After running a million errands - yes ONE MILLION - I met my parents at Campagnias for dinner. Tomorrow is their 22nd anniversary. Then we went back to their house for cake and festivities. Here's a picture of the happy family:

That big box on the left has a Margaritaville in it! Umm, guess who's gonna be hanging out at her parents A LOT more now! ha ha ha

And just for posterity's sake, here's a pic of my brother and I. Mostly because I am SO not cool to him and had to force him to take the picture. His resistance means the entire world now has to look at us together.

HauteChocoCouture

Okay, so I've become obsessed with Chocodiles. MMM You might find this odd because I don't like pastries, never crave cake, and have always hated twinkies. I also find this odd, but I'm learning to not question my reasonings as much. They don't make sense to anyone else, so why should I worry about it?

Anyways, I'm thinking of starring in a Chocodile documentary. Ok, no, that was a lie... and also seems like a lot of work. How about I just take a picture with my Chocodile every time I buy one? It can be like a cool coffee table book or something.

I'm thinking cover of Vogue... That's Haute Choco Couture right there... You haven't heard of it? You're SOO behind the times. It's all the rage now.

Blue Steel!

For no other reason than because I can...

Well Ladies, This one is for you. WHO DOESN'T LOVE MARK WAHLBERG?

I don't think too many words are necessary here, so I'll just step out and leave you two a little alone time!

Leave personal maintenance to the professionals...

I'm mad at the economy. Well, mad in probably the most facetious and petty way possible, but that's how I roll, yo!

I keep writing sentences and I can't decide whether I want this to be a really serious post or a funny one. I'm guessing mostly funny because I really don't have anything to complain about. It's just like Louis CK and his "Everything's amazing, Nobody's happy" video. Watch here:

I think we all got ahead of ourselves and maybe life does need to settle back down so we can appreciate what we have. I bought my first house in 2000, lived there for 2+ years and never had cable, internet, or a livingroom couch. Oddly enough, I recall being busy and happy. WEIRD. I seriously, at this point, would give up food to keep my TiVo recording. That's not petty right? A girl's gotta have priorities... I think food and insurance are way overrated anyways.

Mostly, I just don't like being crowded and I think there are a few too many of you on this boat. Yeah, I can see the "capacity" sign from my prime window seat and we're definitely overfull. I think I'm feeling a little seasick here.

Actually, as a workin' girl, I can now see I lived the last few years like a lady of leisure... Mostly, I'm upset because I LOVED IT! I was professionally maintained from head to toe, literally. Ladies of leisure don't bother with shaving and combing their hair and painting their nails. I know this because I laughed entirely too hard when watching the Kath & Kim episode where Kim heads out to get a mani/pedi while proclaiming "Painting your own nails is so poor!" IT IS and I hate being poor! It's so much better to leave all that personal maintenance bullshit to the pros. You know you've made it when you are willing to pay cash money (that's my gangsta word of the month BTW) to some woman so that she can crawl all over your hooha waxing and tweezing because you just can't be bothered with those things.

And as a poor person now, I'm also incredibly lazy. I'm laying in bed on a Sunday at 11am listening to my iPod with my dog curled up next to me, but my laptop battery is in the red and I'm not feeling like going into the living room to get my power cord. Mostly because I'm naked and don't think my roommates would appreciate that. See, that's also lazy because I don't want to bother with a robe. However, I read somewhere you shouldn't end a blog post in the middle of discussing getting Brazilian waxes, but looks like that's what's gonna happen. When will this retardedly expensive dog get his ass up and do something other than cost me MORE money?

I've added it up and I'm thinking $1,000 more a month will adequately provide me with the lifestyle I've become accustomed too. Anyone want to be my sugar daddy? I'm prepping my "trophy wife" resume right now...

I'm a terrible blogger...

Sorry folks. I'm a terrible person. I pledged to spend every waking moment putting all my most personal thoughts and all my funniest jokes up on the internet... and then I got busy and I didn't post a goddamned thing for 2 weeks! I suck, I know.

I have all these drafts started, but they are half ass and I'm embarrassed that there would be all this virtual judgment - I live in fear!

I shall leave you with these pictures!

Someone Hates a Bath!

But he cleans up nice!

And this picture is just hilarious to me!

My iPhone has some questions for you.

Seems I've been off the airwaves for a while. That doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about you though! Often times I find myself filled with an overwhelming need to tell the world something. Usually I'm at a store or something so I'll jot it down in my iPhone notepad. Here's what I'm working with:

1) Top 5 rap songs.
2) Why I need $1,000 more a month.
3) Good thing I won't be around in 800 years because all my favorite words will be extinct.
4) Nature is powerful. Have you ever touched a tomato plant?
5) Identity crisis. I am like a puffy cat.
6) Math is the universal language. I'm not good at math. What the fuck?
7) I'm impressed by smart people.

Yeah, that's pretty much what I said. Where the hell was I going with that? I remember thinking... "YES, YES, you HAVE to write a blog about that, but you might forget by the time you get home so why don't you write a little note to refresh your memory when you're ready." Ummm, some of the excitement may have been lost in translation.

Is there anything you have a burning desire to know more about? I think some of those could go funny or really seriously sad and I don't know which is which.

If I get enough comments demanding a blog on one of the above, I'll do it. Majority rules.

I like my ChacoTaco COLD!

So we have a new vending machine at work. I spend hours staring at this thing. I would like to share with you my newest obsession:

1) The Incredible Meal Machine: Umm, 6 out of 12 of these are dessert - does that constitute a meal?
2) What exactly do all those fresh vegetables have to do with pizza, burgers, & ice cream?
3) I feel like this is some sort of cryogenics machine. The ominous plexiglass window that looks into nothing fascinates me.
4) JUST HEAT 'N EAT... ummmm, 6 of these 12 items are ice cream, last time I checked I liked my ChacoTaco COLD! (There's a really raunchy pussy joke in there somewhere, but it's late so I'll leave it up to you)

WTF

Yeah... so driving around town the other day, I saw this...

We could talk 20 minutes about the intricate details of everything wrong with this photo.
1) Is that a dead animal hanging from the back?
2) Is this a mobile memorial to some sort of deceased person?
3) Is that a strange blow up doll on the trunk?
4) What the fuck? I'm mean seriously? What is going on here? I am MYSTIFIED!

Also, I was window shopping and saw THIS...

Did I miss something? Clearly there was a memo sent out that I did not get.
1) This is the best outfit you could come up with for your window?
2) Are shorts okay this short on ANYONE? Umm, no
3) Short shorts with white boots and a popped collar?
4) Did I leave the planet via alien abduction or parallel universe wormhole? Because, What the fuck?

Alright, I'm in bed, I'm tired, and I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open. I'm going to bed now. Much love! Goodnight!

By the looks of things, I must be a drinker...

Quick little post tonight as I'm dog-tired. My sleep schedule got all messed up making those baskets for work. Here they are in all their glory. (This isn't all of them! There were SO MANY! 60 to be exact. Oh, and by the way, if you've ever made SIXTY of anything, you would totally know how hard that is!)

Okay, moving on... I've got lots of random things to show here!

My house is awesome. How the universe drew us together, I'll never know, but you couldn't measure my love for "my girls" on any earthly scale. We have a few vices though. You may want to CLICK HERE to see about our food hoarding problem.

I must be morbid, but I often think, if I died today and someone had to clean up my life, what would they think? I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be a good impression. Issue #7 - "She's a drinker." Behold all of our CUPS.

Yeah, pretty much, that's what I said. Holy shit that's a lot of cups! We have every possible drinking contraption known to man. Oh wait, did you think that was it?

I'm sure an entire shelf dedicated to shot glasses wasn't enough - you've gotta have sports bottles and pitchers and thermos' too! What's that? All you've seen is coffee mugs, shot glasses, cute cups, wine & champagne glasses, and the above and you're not impressed? Don't act like this show is over... cuz it aint! FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS!

I know folks... I know - we have a serious problem. We are addicted to drinking and I personally only enjoy it if it is done from an appropriate genre of cup.

There you have it, my dirty little confession - I'M A DRINKER!

Uhhh - PANIC - Backpedal - how exactly do I explain THAT!?

So I raced home last night after a grueling day at work and upon seeing my roommate in the hallway, had this conversation:

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Me: Ummm, so HEY, umm if you sort of write a blog about how hot you think a guy is in a movie, woul...

Her: Oh Oh, which movie...?

Me: Well, umm, you know that movie Amistad?

Her: Yeeeaaaaahhhhhhhh??????

Me: and also, ummm, American History X?

Her: (Shivers) Oh my god, remember that part where he “curbs” that one kid?

Me: So.. Yeah... if you sorta overlook, like, slavery and apartheid and stuff... Ummm and say something that happened during a hate crime was hot - is that bad?

Her: *Stare of disbelief*

Me: SO WAIT- it get’s worse!!! JUST NOW, this guy, a black guy, sends me a message saying “Hmmm, I don’t really know you, so all I can say is Hmmmm.” OH.MY.GOD. do you think he meant HMMM as in, she was totally digging on black guys or do you think he meant HMMM as in, this white chick just posted the most racist blog of all time?

Her: Marisa - Oh My God - why would you write that stuff?

Me: Dude, you never see movies with naked guys in it! I just wanted to say I thought it was hot! Oh Wait, I did see Kevin Bacon’s wiener in Wild Things... HA HA...

Her: Yeah, Kevin Bacon is hot too... But that’s like me saying the guys in Schindlers List were hot because they were naked right before they went into the incinerator!

Me: True, and I *MAY* have said something about Schindlers list as well - I KNOW I KNOW - but they were all skinny and stuff - I’m talking about Kimora’s baby daddy here....

Her: OH TOTALLY, that Djimon guy is HOT!

Me: I KNOW! So, now how do I explain to this guy that my dad is black, my cousins are black, that my ex and other roommate were black? He’s totally gonna think I’m pulling the old white girl “Oh no no, I didn’t mean it like THAT way - my best friend is black”... routine. You know there’s no way he read my backblog. OH MY GOD!

Her: Yeah, good luck with that.

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It pretty much went like that.
My whole life goes like that.

Let me properly introduce myself. “I’m Marisa. I’m awkward and NEVER pass up an opportunity to put my foot in my mouth!”

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Me with my ex Khari
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My favorite cousin Sunny
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Me, my dad, & brother

You don't wanna know...

Yeah, been meaning to write, but just haven’t had a chance. I have work projects and personal obligations and advertising meetings and crazy deadlines. I’m trying to be organized and yet still So I’m taking 10 minutes to eat my soup and type something.

Had a bunch of notes about things I wanted to tell you, but in my panic to get something... ANYTHING accomplished I left it at home.

HOWEVER, I DO REMEMBER ONE THING!

Do you guys remember the Seinfeld episode where Jerry felt weird about making out with his girlfriend during Schindler’s List, but it was like the only time they could be alone? I seem to have a pattern for being oddly turned on at COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE times at the movies.

1) American History X - Edward Norton.

Yup, I know! There he is running out into the street to “curb” some guy and all I can think is - So those are boxers huh? That’s hot. Hmmm, he looks good... little lower....
I’m imagining that was the opposite of the point.

2) Amistad - Djimon Hounsou

(Yes, I realize this picture was not from the movie... But if it isn't proof that this guy is a perfect specimen of man, I don't know what is... HEY, IT'S MY BLOG, I'LL DO WHAT I WANT!)
I’m thinking somewhere along the way I should have been really upset about slavery and injustice, etc etc
That might have happened if it wasn’t for the fact that all I could think was: DAMN that’s a lot of really fine black men. Can we go back to the boat scene?
Yes, I’ll hang my head in shame now.

3) Easter Promises - Viggo Mortensen

Alright folks, this is the last one, I promise. But there he is, all bad ass and naked. I suppose I should have been bothered by the blood and attempted murder, but funny story... I wasn’t. It was hot. I’m sorry.

Ok I’m not sorry.

Well, I’m sorry for those of you who think I’m being serious - or for anyone who thinks I have no soul and condone slavery and murder, but other than that - NOT SORRY!

Anyways, I tried to warn you that you didn't wanna know - you just had to read it, didn't you?!