Worst timing ever...

Yeah, I think I'm getting sick. With all the swine flu mumbo jumbo, my body would choose TODAY to mimic all the symptoms of a pandemic virus...

Anyways, I figure tons of Mountain Dew & Chocodiles Emergen-C will cure just about all of my ailments right?


It could be anything actually. I've never experienced allergies before, but I have strange "pressure" in my head/nose/ear area. Is that SINUS related?!

They say there are only 2 reasons people move to the valley - You either want allergies or you're an allergy doctor. I made it 30 years. THIRTY. YEARS. before it got me. Sigh.

I know myself though. I need to drink water, lay down, sleep well, and I'll be over it it like nothing. I know you all think I'm unhealthy because of all the Mountain Dew love, but to be honest (besides that gaping hole of hypocrisy) I'm probably the healthiest person you know and haven't been sick in nearly two years. That's pretty good, eh?

Alright, finishing work and going home to recoup!

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OH yeah, and PS - The Kentucky Derby is this Saturday and my mom is planning just about the most intense Derby Party I've ever imagined. Should be cool!

"Run for the Roses!"

I'll post pics next week sometime if I don't die while drinking my weight in Mint Juleps. Seriously, the recipe is 4oz of bourbon, 1/4 cup of simple syrup & a sprig of mint. Shouldn't we just do shots and chew on the mint after cuz WOW... I'm making up a word now and sayin' we're gonna get Kentucky Krunk up in the hizouse!

I'm so chill...

..ed to the bone 24 hours a day. Do you understand how uncomfortable it is to be cold all the time?

Text conversation this morning:

FRIEND: Got cool last night.

ME: Oh Geez, I better bring a jacket! It’s only gonna be 73 today!

FRIEND: Ha Ha that was funny! You were trying to be funny, right?

ME: LOL Ummm should I take this jacket off then?

Yeah yeah, I know people laugh at me. People in Wisconsin are probably happy if it breaks 50 degrees and I’ve got goose bumps if it dips under 80.

AH WELL, what’re ya gonna do? I guess move to one of the few places in California (that's not the desert) where temperatures can reach a sweltering 115 degrees. I'll be revising this post and cursing the sun at an unnamed later date. (Or going up to the lake a lot. Hopefully my parents get the houseboat/speedboat/jetskis all ready soon. I can't wait!)

I love Fresno!

No-No Topiaries

Wait, what are we talking about? Nothing appropriate, I can pretty much guarantee you that.

I thought part of my big impressive word I made up but have no idea what it means City Blogging Focus could be to include Product Reviews. Who else can you trust to tell you about stuff no one else is awkwardly uncomfortable enough to say?? Yeah, that's what I thought.

You may or may not be an avid reader of the BeeHive, but one of their recent posts was about then new Schick Quattro For Women Trimstyle Razor. At first I was horrified by the commercial. Being a detail oriented person, I was quite disturbed to see gardening gone awry. I mean, who knew "bush" had another meaning? The giant morphing No-No Topiaries were about all I could handle.


Although shaken and disturbed, I reflected upon my previous musings where I lamented having to give up my brazilians and thought... I wanna try this thing!! Apparently the entire nation was in a deep congo of crisis though because every frickin store in town was SOLD OUT for 3 weeks straight!

I finally got my hands on one this weekend. Now would be a good time to mention that my internal dialog has taken a detour. She wants to know why I am reviewing a product that 1) is putting WAAAY to much personal information on the internet and 2) I can't even show you photos of my handywork. Well, I could, but talk about a redefined blog focus. HAHAHAHA

Anyways, it was $10 and came with a wall holder AND the necessary AAA battery (which never happens!!) it's water proof, easy to use, and overall I like it! Word to the wise, should your shower share a wall with your still sleeping roommates bedroom, you might want to disclaim what the noisy electronic buzzing sound is before she draws some rather unsavory conclusions about you. Ha Ha Ha

How's that for a product review?

Flower Bouquets and The Cancer!

So I've been busy the last few days. I think I'm a pretty creative person, but I also believe that I'm such a copy-cat poser. I was asked to help make little gifts for Administrative Professionals Day. I am proud of how they turned out so I'm going to share them with you! (Also note, I work best alone, late at night, and on an EXTREME budget. These cost $34.95 each from a place like Edible Arrangements and I was able to make 12 of them for $75 total.

First you have to chocolate dip the strawberries.


Then I cut pineapple with a cookie cutter and used cantaloupe to complete the flower and put grapes on skewers.


I bought clear vases at Dollar Tree and florist foam at Michaels. Then I wrapped the foam in colored foil to hide it and started assembling the bouquets.


And here is the final product. Whatcha think?



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As a side note, I've agreed to do some things that are really out of character for me. Like a hail storm of tangible panic, social opportunities are raining down upon me. I write one stinkin' post about doing a "city blog" (Which I have no idea what that even means) and now I'm in the '09 Blogger Olympics! What's this?! I can no longer hide behind my keyboard? I'm being forced out and not just to meet people, but to COMPETE? I'm pretty sure this is as close to feeling The Cancer grow as one could imagine. I don't know what to expect. I'm freaking out. FREAKING. OUT. This, of course, will be taken as a sign of weakness. That's okay, it won't stop me from destroying @MoralThreat at Skee Ball! (I keed - I keed!)

I know I border on narcissism and low self-esteem at the same time which may confuse some of you, but I'm taking a minute to show my softer side here. I am nowhere near the caliber of people I've been meeting. They are outgoing, educated, witty, creative, and SUPER SMART! I am honored to be included in this fine group of bloggers and look forward to bringing all of my anxiety, panic, nervous twitching, and inappropriate sense of humor into the real world and public forum.

City bloggin' - here I come!

So yesterday I was “called out” by my friend* MIke. He was mentioning that our city, Fresno, doesn’t have enough female bloggers. After *AHEM* very politely mentioning that I am indeed female and blog it up quite often, he clarified that I write, but I don’t write about where I live. I, of course, have failed in mentioning my lovely town of residence due to an intense fear of identity theft** but that’s okay, I’ll try anything to make people like me. Plus, I’m trying not go into a tailspin of angst that he questioned my gender and be reasonable that he probably just wants to know about all the AWESOME things I do in this lovely little town.

So whatdaya think folks? Should i take this blog on the road? Dare I actually leave my house and see what mischief I can get into at the farmers market? LIve blog the panic that ensues at Petsmart when my dog (a nervous crapper) decides to take the only dump of his life, in the middle isle, right in front of the “try our new brand of dog food” display? There was also that one time where I nearly met my perilous end at Woodward Park when I had a showdown with an evil cannibal goose! How about I amuse you with my tale of woe from the TOO FAST checkout lady at the Vons at Cedar/Shepard who’s pin code to log into her cash register is NO SHORTER than 100 digits. I like to pretend she’s memorized Pi (π)...

3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993
751058209749445923078164062862089986280348253421
170679821480865132823066470938446095505822317253
594081284811174502841027019385211055596446229489
549303819644288109756659334461284756482337867831
652712019091456485669234603486104543266482133936
072602491412737245870066063155881748815209209628
292540917153643678925903600113305305488204665213
841469519415116094330572703657595919530921861173
819326117931051185480744623799627495673518857527
248912279381830119491298336733624406566430860213
949463952247371907021798609437027705392171762931
767523846748184676694051320005681271452635608277
857713427577896091736371787214684409012249534301
465495853710507922796892589235420199561121290219
608640344181598136297747713099605187072113499999
983729780499510597317328160963185950244594553469
083026425223082533446850352619311881710100031378
387528865875332083814206171776691473035982534904
287554687311595628638823537875937519577818577805
321712268066130019278766111959092164201989 (It goes on)

That’s a long ass number to which her register cannot process quickly - okay I got sidetracked and this is quite the traumatic story...

Plus, I fear there is representation “South of Sunnyside” and WAAY too many Tower loving elitists straight South, but who’s going to represent the NORTH SIDE? Us vain, shopoholic, trophy wives need to have a voice, don’t we? Well, not that I’m married, but I have manicure and tanning plans which are sure to snag me a man!

City bloggin’ here I come!




*I say friend lightly as we wouldn’t recognize each other on the streets. Well one look at my blog and he might recognize ME, but only because I’ve got pictures of myself everywhere.

** Yes, I know this doesn’t make any sense since my main identity -MY LIKENESS- is plastered all over the place. Please don’t steal me! Actually, in preparing for my inevitable abduction I’ve systematically taken pictures of myself in every possible pose and hair color like those missing children things where they computer analyze bone structure and determine what you would look like in 20 years or if you were trying to disguise yourself. HA FOOLED YOU! Now you know. Oh wait, or is it fooled me because I was the one trying to hide. Damn it!