Energized

Ok, not really. But I truly think I must be emitting some sort of energy field that keeps shutting down power to places. Not only did it go out at work last week, but it went out while I was trying to cook dinner at home at the end of last week, and now again this morning!

And today I was supposed to be at work at 7:30. Lucky for me my cell phone alarm was set and I woke up. Plus the alarm system didn’t like being on backup battery and set off a shrill continual beep until I ripped out of out the wall! However, I must be really really vain because I can’t just get up and go to work. I need to shower, brush my teeth, blow dry my hair, etc. So I raced around packing and drove 10 minutes in the opposite direction to Johns house to get ready.

However, things just aren’t “right”. I forgot my makeup for 1. And it’s hard to shake the feeling that I look terrible even though I don’t wear that much makeup and it probably wears off by noon anyways. However, I feel amiss. And I can’t pin it down but I’m not completely happy with the way my hair turned out today either. Either that or it’s the make up thing I notice when I’m looking at my hair. How do all these fresh faced models just roll out of bed and put their hair in a pony tail and head out for the day? This is upsetting me.

Anyways, I should go eat something I suppose. I’m trying to tweak my diet a bit since I think I was getting a bit calorie heavy in the little things. Like I was eating toast and soy milk and orange juice and yogurt and a salad and snacks and nuts and an apple and I was already over 1,000 calories before I even made it home to forage for dinner. My mind says to me that all those things are healthy so i should be able to eat an unlimited supply of them- RIGHT?!?!?!? but sadly, no :( So I have some sort of “light” greek salad today for lunch. I hope its yummy.

Oh, and last night I went to my first ballet class. That was cool. I’ll definitely do it again, but I’m sure not good at it. Although, I was just thinking how MANY different types of classes I’m taking. African dance, belly dancing, yoga, pole dancing, and now ballet. I SUPPOSE I can’t expect myself to be good at ALL of those.

Well, I’m off to get my salad. Have a good one!

The day the lights went out...

So, for those of you that don’t know, I work at a pretty large RV dealership. Having worked at home for 2 years, coming back into civilization was quite the shock. Therefore I naturally picked the office that is farthest away from everyone! It’s all the way to the back of the building, up the stairs, down a LONG hallway, just before the storage closets. I ever so affectionately call it “The Cave”...

Well, today we have a power situation. As in - there is none! Well, 1/2 way. One of our two power boxes just blew up. So my heater is on and my computer works, but the internet is down and the lights in my office won’t come on - therefore making it a TRUE CAVE! Come 5pm, it’s gonna be PITCH BLACK in here! (See, you thought you read that whole first paragraph for nothing, but now I’ve brought it full circle... cool huh?!)

Anyways, other than that (which seems to be run of the mill out in these parts) today is a pretty good Monday. I got up extra early and took my car to the shop today for some warranty work. As usual they upsold me to an oil change and a transmission flush. I love my car, but it’s so “particular” with it’s rotary engine, i’m scared it will blow up if I don’t follow the recommended maintenance schedule to a tee! I’m slowly coming to realize that there is a large price to pay for vanity! Coming out of my divorce I made MANY decisions based on that. But my feet hurt from wearing high heels all day, I’m broke from all the “personal maintenance” (ie: nails, hair, waxing, etc), and I’ve got this sports car that can’t even fit a case of water from costco in the trunk and needs CONSTANT filter replacements, oil changes, and warranty repairs done. I was just quoted almost $1,000 just to put tires on it!!! Of course, that was from the dealer and I’m hoping I can cut that number in half. But still!!!

Otherwise, not much is going on. My honey bun made dinner last night - this yummy chicken (fake chicken) dish which basically consists of onions, peppers, ketchup, and a can of coke. Sound horrible right? WRONG! It’s totally kick ass and I crave it weekly. Also, it was on a bed of probably the most deliciously unhealthy mashed potatoes I’ve ever had. I speak of this because I just had the leftovers for lunch. To quote Rachel Ray - YUM-O!

Alright, I’m going to go now and attempt to find some work to do that doesn’t require the internet. That’s MUCH harder to do than you would think. EVERYTHING I do consists of getting on the internet first. Even if I’m not working on my website, I need to send and email, or research something online, or order something online. Is there anyone else out there as crippled as me without the good ole world wide web? It’s like I’m stuck in a loop. Well, I guess I could look up.... NO no... ummm, well, let me check my e-ma.... no no... maybe I’ll downlo.... uhhhhhhh.... I suppose I’l log into the system.... no no, can’t do that... well.... Ok, I think I’ll just write in my journal (I use MacJournal which is offline and just publishes later) LOL

This was my only option!!!

It's official!

I’m now a certified stripper... Ok, not really, but I took a “Pole Aerobics” class last night and it was awesome! Talk about a workout! I’m SORE! And we listened to cool music, we danced, I think for a minute we even attempted to “drop it like it’s hot” if you know what i’m saying LOL

Anyone want to take this class with me? Let me know!!!! It’s only $15 for an hour of sweaty fun (no lesbian action, sorry guys) and all you need is a yoga mat and a feather boa. A combo you normally wouldn’t think of, I’m sure.

Normally I’m SO embarrassed to do stuff like this too! But it was actually pretty cool and I will definitely be going every Thursday night. The girls are awesome, the lights are dim, and it’s a work out - SERIOUSLY!!

There’s belly dancing classes, african dance, pole dancing, ballet, yoga... everything and I’m SOOO into all of it. Someone come take the belly dancing class with me. I haven’t tried that one yet!

PS - can someone tell me how to track if people are even reading these blogs?

10 things about me...

The rules are: Once you have been tagged you can't be re tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird random things, facts, or habits about yourself.

1. I am completely food motivated. I love food. I’m hungry ALL the time. I’m sure Oprah has a thing or two to say about that, but regardless. It’s true.

2. I love my job to the point where its annoying to others. It’s all I talk about, but there’s lots of drama here.

3. I could eat bags and bags of conversation hearts until my veins feel chalky - however, being a vegetarian, I discovered they have gelatin in them and I can’t eat them anymore. It’s devastating.

4. I’m a very strict vegetarian. And, No I don’t eat fish. Not even broth or gravy or sushi or anything. And, it’s for all the reasons - it’s gross, unhealthy for you body, unnatural, cruel, and bad for the economy.

5. I’m a biggest meat LOVING vegetarian you’ll ever know. My fridge is full of “fake” chicken, bacon, sausage, hamburger, pepperoni, etc.

6. I’m half hippie, half yuppie. I have the “Coach” obsession, drive a sports car, get brazillian waxes, and have a yorkie. However, I was born and raised in Santa Cruz, use only canvas bags, eat vegetarian, practice yoga, and get WAAY into natural/alternative medicine.

7. I fractured my L1 & L2 vertebrae in a car accident in 1994. I’ve also broken, both wrists, my leg, and my elbow - all while attempting some sort of sport like snowboarding, high jumping, bike riding, or roller blading. I now have a desk job. :|

8. I am one of the few women who doesn’t need to have a child to feel complete. I just really don’t want to “Experience” child birth. I know, I know... once you do it, you wouldn’t take it back. Yeah, whatever. It’s not for me, let it go.

9. I am obsessed with Apple Macintosh computers. I WILL own the iPhone as soon as it’s available because it is AWESOME! I have the “apple” sticker on the back of my car and I think that makes me cooler.

10. Tivo saved my life. I couldn’t live without it. I LOVE LOVE LOVE television. I could watch it all day for the rest of my life and never get bored. It’s a bad habit i’m trying to break, but sadly it’s true. I love Judge shows too. And i’m not ashamed of it!

I'm not going to tag anyone else - if you want to do it, do it! Share those weird, random facts about yourselves. Please!

The laws of attraction...

I just watched Oprah last week... I know, I know, all the men have already stopped reading. I’m fascinated by this principle “The law of Attraction”. I do strongly believe that we are all one with nature and the universe. That the atoms that passed thru our ancestors and the rocky mountains and the dinosaurs and the walls of our homes are what now pass thru us. That we ARE energy.

This law of attraction claims that energy attracts similar energy. Your thoughts and your purpose ARE energy. Therefore what you think attracts back to you what your future will most likely be. Hence, negative thoughts and negative energy bring forth a slightly disappointing and/or negative future.

I don’t want that to happen to me. I want to be thankful for every second that I am awake and alive. I want to LEARN from what bad experiences I am in so they can cease and I can move on. I fear that if we don’t look back on our past and truly thank it for the lessons it has taught us, then we are doomed to receive similar setbacks in the future.

These are things my mother has been saying to me for years and things I’ve always felt and believed. Even WAAY back when, I remember reading her Depak Chopra books and grasping to understand my own inner strength and power.

Staying positive is hard though. It takes great effort to truly center yourself, step back from the situation, and look for the good in things. I wouldn’t say I’m very good at it, and I’m trying to make little mental notes of my hypocritical moments. There are many :( But, I AM GONNA GET THERE! I’m gonna be so damn happy NO ONE will want to even be around me!

I’m hoping to stop by the book store soon and buy some books on this subject. I don’t really want to do it so that I will be a millionaire or be famous or simply get whatever I want without having to work at anything - just so you know! But I do want to use whatever power I have to make sure that I live the most successful and fulfilled life I can.

I sound crazy, don’t I? You can say it if you think so... I’ll only cry a little. LOL

Funny how the mind works...

Don’t you find it fascinating how the mind works? How it’s trained to think certain ways and to react to things a certain way? I shouldn’t say “it’s trained”... I should say how “WE” train it or our experiences train it. And then they say your brain forms an actual pathway to those thoughts/emotions/reactions sort of like a river. This makes it even harder to CHANGE yourself, your thoughts, your reactions because you start to fight against deeply ingrained grooves in your brain - literally!

Well, let me tell you - that sucks! Sorry, it just does. That’s a lot of work. Of course, I never have conversations like this unless I have a story/reason behind it. As you know, I have some “issues” with religion and anything related to it (ie: the bible, jesus, prayer, etc) In sticking with my usual counterphobic ways, last night I attended a “holy yoga” class (one based on biblical poses instead of the regular) I mostly went because my early morning ones were cancelled and I’m trying to get at least 4 days of classes in per week. I also partly went because the girl who teaches the class is cool and I didn’t think it would be that threatening. (It probably wasn’t the best idea as I had a quite traumatic doctors appt that morning and wasn’t really fit to do exercise OR participate in some sort of group activity.)

So anyways, as I’m sitting there - my brain just TAKES OFF. Like literally a MILLION miles a minute. Everything I’ve ever “learned” is flashing before my eyes. And then the mental battle begins because what I’m thinking is 1) not what i believe and 2) doesn’t really matter because my participation in this can simply be for exercise and doesn’t have to have ANYTHING to do with religion. That does make my Knee Jerk reaction any easier though :( Here’s what it’s like to be in my brain:

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OMG, is a woman leading a group in prayer? That’s not good... What does it matter though? I don’t care if women pray... I don’t even pray. Why am I bothered by that? UGH, i don’t want to hear these bible scriptures. I don’t even know if I believe in the bible. Are all these people here really into this just because it’s scriptural? Why does religion have such a hold on people? Why does this bring people peace but not me? Why did I come here? Why shouldn’t I? No one is doing anything to me, I’m in fucking cow pose, like that has anything to do w/ Jesus. Did she just say child of god pose? Do i want to be a child of god? Does my participation in this mean I’m somehow making a statement as to my acceptance of this? Why did I come here again? I don’t agree with any of this. Am I ok to just sit here in MOCK prayer pose while someone else is praying as long as I don’t say “Amen” that doesn’t mean I agree, right? aaaahhhhhhhhhh
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As you can see, if you read that really really fast over and over again, it’s hard to be me :( How would I ever fix that sort of reaction? Or do I need to? Or should I just keep separate from those types of situations because they are full of futility for me? I think it’s just because my “situation” with religion isn’t resolved yet.

So anyways, I’ve walked away and come back and re-read that and it seems like a WHOLE lotta drama. I think I’ve said too much as it is and I’ll just leave it alone now. Whatcha think?

Awesome! Have a good day!

ARG!

So does the incompetence of the general working public infuriate the rest of you, or is it just me? I suppose it’s not healthy, but I wouldn’t consider myself a person who really trust the aide of others, but I can’t be an expert in everything. There are many times where I am forced to lean upon the knowledge of others to get by.

For instance.... health insurance. What a beast that is! I’m fortunate to have full coverage, but beyond having a once a year routine check up, I don’t really know what my insurance covers. It’s no secret that I go to counseling. Well, counseling is an extra expense, especially if you go at any sort of regular interval. I spent MANY an hour on the phone getting approval and authorization and having my benefits explained to me. My co-pay was to be $10. This was back in October. NOW - FOUR MONTHS LATER I get a statement (not a bill) stating that my Co-pay should have been $25. Is there ever a break? EVER? Another 20 minutes on the phone lets me know that I was “MIS”informed when I called previously. And let me tell you, she didn’t explain that to me in a NICE way.

And you wonder why I don’t trust other people. And if you’ve read this and somehow failed to notice how THOROUGH I am in asking questions and going thru all the proper procedures, you’re crazy. I don’t like surprises and thought there was NO WAY I’d get another bill. If I knew my expenditures were going to go from $20 a month to $50! maybe I wouldn’t have been so relaxed about going every other week. Now look who needs more counseling for her anxiety! :| Major lame!

Did I mention my employer just switched health insurance. So while I continue to pay into my last one, now I get to go thru this whole process again with a new carrier. Oh the JOY!

I'm famous!

Yeah, not really... But i was in the paper today. For the lamest quote ever. I wanted them to say things about how cool the yoga studio I go to is, and all they quoted me on was my disappointment in Terrell Owens. OH WELL! I just find it funny that in like 2 months I’ve been on the news twice and in the paper once. All because I do yoga. Who knew!?!??!

So today is a busy day. ACK! Lots and lots to do! I’m just desperately trying to cross things off of my list. I really just need to sit here and do ONE THING, but that’s not working so well for me. NOW I have run across town buying computer parts. And this weekend I have to get together the books and things i’m going to need for my new “Reading Library”. I’m excited about it and all, but it’s a lot of work!

I am, however, really excited because I bought some new CDs. I got the latest one from Esthero which is immediately my new favorite CD. I also got the Damien Rice “9” one. It’s a bit slower, but really good. And JUST NOW I downloaded the latest Chris Randall CD. In case you don’t know, I have developed a mild obsession with the front man of Sister Machine Gun. He has such a mesmerizing voice. I even love reading his blogs. He’s an educated, yet angry, guy - and generally cracks me up! Well, since SMG disbanded, he’s put out his first solo album. I listened to it online the other day and LOVED it, and today it was available to purchase. Can’t wait to listen to it in the car! That’s the true test of music. Instead of smoking weed and talking bout how cool something sounds... I prefer to listen to it in the car. That’s where it sounds its best to me :D

Okie dokie... I got a bunch to do. Talk to ya later!!!!

Soooo....

Guess who is TERRIBLE at African dancing. Um, yeah - that would be me! I think that was the most embarrassing thing i’ve done all year. Okay, ok, it’s only February, but it’s gonna be hard to beat - let me just tell you. Talk about my inner white girl staging the ULTIMATE rebellion. Move both my arms and legs? I DON’T THINK SO! Now, here’s my dilemma... Do I accept defeat and learn my lesson and NEVER do that again? Or do I stubbornly continue to subject myself to guaranteed humiliation until I get it right? Well???....

Otherwise, things just keep getting busier and busier at work. However, when that happens my brain says to me - “Well, yeah, that’s a lot of work. You don’t even know where to start. Therefore, you should do nothing.” I’m trying to reason myself out of that conversation right now.

Last night I sat down in front of a MOUNTAIN of receipts and vowed to start organizing for my taxes. I got thru the sorting part, that’s easy. But then came the time to get the calculator and there went my brain again... “Well, yeah, that’s a lot of work.... You should just go to bed...” And that’s exactly what I did. Thank goodness my tax appt isn’t for another few weeks.

Day 1

So today is February 1st. Seems like a good day to start a new habit. One of the things I’ve been learning with my Paul Cummings training is that “If your life’s worth living, then it’s worth recording.” I’ve always found writing to be therapeutic. Some of my most upset moments have been soothed by writing in a journal. Not that you could read the writing because I was upset, and I always have loved typing, so this seems perfect!

I am a little upset at the traffic this morning. Since my morning yoga classes have been canceled (I was the only one showing up) I thought i would get up at thttp://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=1282768360622084167&postID=463198166969444966#he same time and head to work instead. For some reason though, I got up in the shower an HOUR earlier than normal, got on the road FORTY FIVE minutes earlier than normal, yet only arrived at work about 30 minutes early. How does that happen? I really hate traffic. Want to hear my broken record? Here it is: “I wish i still worked from home!”

Tonight I’m leaving work early. (You know, 5pm is early for me) so that I can go to an African dance class. My yoga studio is pretty cool, they have everything from belly dancing, to ballet... african dance to pole dancing... I’ve pretty much only tried the YOGA classes. For those of you who don’t know me so well - tonight will be a big night for me. My inner anxiety level is THRU THE ROOF in fear of attempting something I’ve never done before. I practice what i like to call “Counterphobia” where things that absolutely terrify me are the things I wind up forcing myself to do.

Anyways, i’ll let you know how it goes. My day is almost over and I should just publish this and get on with the monumental amount of work i have to do.