Eh...

So here's a little about me. I hate being alone. I'm fully capable of being alone and I was raised an only child in the country many miles from civilization and I am MORE than capable of entertaining myself. However, I don't like it. (This doesn't include going to my parents house, I'm sure I could always hang out there)

Anyways, a lot of my friends are pretty free and fancy free. They have an open door policy and you can sorta show up whenever. I refuse to do that. Even if someone says "Yeah, we're going to "blah blah blah" later..." I need them to actually say, "WOULD **YOU** LIKE TO COME?" I will not show up to an open ended invitation. I would so much rather be alone than have someone be ambivalent to whether I showed up or not.

However, people always say, Marisa, if you are feeling low or sad or whatever, CALL US. Lean on your friends. Don't sit at home and be that way. So I call. And I get an "uhhhh, yeah..." REJECTION! I'm reading into it I'm sure. I'm extra sensitive I'm sure. Every reasonable explanation in the book I'm sure.

So... Maybe it's my problem, maybe I'm too sensitive. Or maybe my feelings are hurt because I have NEVER EVER asked for help or told someone "I need you" and I made myself vulnerable to them and I finally did that and .............. nothing.

Rejection is really hard for me to cope with. Sometimes it's perceived rejection. I think a lot of times I prefer to text because then there's a distance there. Then it doesn't "sting" so much when the rejection comes.

Eh. So I put it all back in perspective now. I'm okay being alone. I'm finding a way to turn off all that "NEED" that I have. So there ya go, that's a little bit about me.

The WTF Blanket

This is HILARIOUS... and totally makes me laugh out loud every time I watch it!



Also, I find this mildly amusing too - although my coworkers are starting to find it overwhelming. I'm just trying to recycle... people. And they don't take my trash out anymore O.K.!?!


You can see my progress by clicking HERE And unfortunately, the picture above is a fresh start. I already recycled the last batch!

I hate myself, I really really do..

Yeah, I know... No one is perfect, but I am so embarrassingly flawed it is NOT funny.

Monday night, I fell down just walking and hurt myself. I wish I had story... I was sky diving, I was mugged, I was having crazy shower sex and slipped and fell (My friend Christa suggested that one - thank you Christa - NOW THAT would be a story!) Something... but no... just walking... felt a little wobbly in my high heels... and FLOOP, down I went. Sigh.

Actually, I thought I was fine, then in the middle of the night, I woke up and MY whole left arm was stiff and HURT!

I'm no stranger to broken bones and I was pretty sure I broke it. I took the day off work, spent all day at the Urgent Care getting X-rays, etc... but turns out, it's not broken - I'm just a loser. You can't even get a prescription for that...

So I have to wear a brace for a few days. Oddly enough, no one is really asking "What happened to your arm?" so it seems Marisa and "being broken" are two thoughts people put together rather easily.

You can read further about how much I utterly DESPISE being clumsy by clicking HERE.

I just hate it. Despite reassurances from others that I have any redeemable qualities, all of us have something they really really HATE about themselves. This is the bane of my existence. I hate hate hate it. Ugh...

A collection of Letters I've been meaning to write for a while...

#1...

Dear 'strange woman who looks like a man that has a mustache and drives a shitty KIA'

Did no one explain to you what cruise control is? It is nearly impossible to drive circles around my car while I've been going a steady 85 mph in the same direction for the last 135 miles, but somehow you found a way.

Possibly I am being intolerant. Maybe you have some sort of rare right leg only seizure which forces you to slow down to 50 mph and then SPASM and mash down on the gas and leap up to 100 mph, careening across traffic while spastically changing lanes as we all hold on for dear life? I shouldn't judge you.

Maybe you suffer from multiple personality disorder and this is merely you phasing between Matilda the 90 year old grandma driver and Steve the 'roided out road rage-aholic? Again I judged you, let me apologize. 200 miles and you are still circling me!

OR MAYBE - just maybe... you shouldn't be driving? Since I tried to escape you and you are still right next to me, clearly you are not afraid of me typing a blog on my iPhone and creepily taking pics of your car. Haha.

Either way I have thoroughly entertained myself and burst out laughing every time you FLY by me, so thank you.
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#2

Dear Severely Mentally handicapped lady who speaks only Spanish, but has my cell # on speed dial...

I have been trying so hard to come up with an explanation as to why you call me at all hours of the day and night. Over and over and over again. From different numbers, but I know it's you. At 8 am and 4 pm and 2 am...

Who exactly is Inara? And exactly how many times do you need to call before you actually understand this is not the person you are trying to reach?

I assumed you spoke Spanish, but my cries of "El numero es no bueno" have fallen on deaf ears and were only answered by another "...Inara?" Did I misunderstand something?

What part of my voice mail stating my name and speaking in English makes you think Inara will soon be returning your call?

Seriously... if you have this much of a deficit, how are you holding a job to pay for your cell phone? Someone? Anyone? HELP! We're talking no less than 100 calls over the last year.

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#3

Dear crazy lady who runs around the lake (rain, fog, sleet, darkness... nothing stops you) about 35 times a day who has a limp and is clearly not enjoying herself...

I admire your consistency, but what is your story?

I imagine you were in some sort of debilitating accident... something that left you damaged - maybe you thought you would never walk again... and now you run. You run that crazy curly hair flying but 1 leg is stiff run. I see you no matter what time I leave the house and I.AM.FASCINATED...!

MAYBE you were fat and had gastric bypass and lost all the weight, but your obsession with food has turned into some sort of compulsive exercise disorder!? And now you fear you will gain it all back if you don't RUN... RUN LIKE THE WIND... 24 hours a day...

Or MAYBE... you are just crazy... Cuz, goddamn you have never not been outside running... OMG STOP IT!

Yes, my pretties, GROW...

:)SO, I have one of those AeroGarden things. I got it for my birthday 2 years ago and I LOVE IT! I've decided I don't use it often enough though...

These are tomatoes after only like 2 weeks!


Totally cool! Did I mention I love this thing? All you do is add water and it turns its grow light on and off, tells you when to add a "nutrient pill", and grows WICKED FAST!

I totally want the "Salsa Garden" one. It will grow everything you need to make salsa. UMMM, who loves chips and salsa more than me?

NO ONE - that's who!

They also release a "Strawberry" one in the spring.