Well, this post is overly revealing, contradictory, and dumb... But here goes...
Yesterday I discovered a NEW feeling... that I was "too connected." Upon further inspection though, I realized actually, I'm a terrible friend and the word connected isn't right. What I actually am is too digitally AVAILABLE. I have a MySpace, a FaceBook, email, twitter, a blog, and an iPhone. There is no moment I'm not just READY to either put my most personal thoughts and feelings out there or to receive your call or text or comment or an @reply.
Plus there's this other thing. I have this abandonment issue and I hate burning bridges so I hang onto things too long. People that suddenly stop talking to me, I think about EVERY DAY WHY? Ex love interests. Friends from 20 years ago. Why am I still holding onto all these things that never made the cut?
Well enough of that!
I went through all my pictures and DELETED things I don't NEED to remember. I DELETED contacts from my phone of people I don't NEED to contact again.. I DELETED my MySpace. There is a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I can let go. Normally these things would cause me anxiety, but I was suddenly struck with the feeling that I was ready. These are things that I was a part of or almost was, but they are no more and I'm okay with that.
So, being too digitally available and all, I thought I'd post this. HA!
Have you ever had these feelings? I just feel like people are always watching me. Always judging me. Always looking for fault. Sometimes it's okay to just put your phone on airlane mode or go for a walk or not respond immediately. Sometimes it's ok to keep to yourself, have a glass of wine, and watch TV and not go desperately looking for friends and a party.
That's where I am right now. Where are you?
4 comments:
I agree, however I take things to the opposite extreme, letting very few people into my life and keeping so much of my "real" self private. It's funny how people who I do not know that read my blog know me better than most of the acquaintances in my life. Then again most are snoopy, gossipy and do not have my best interests at heart.
I'm right here, judging you.
Naw, just kidding. Congrats! I do feel they way you do sometimes, though. I take a break but eventually I go right back. Such is the life of Generation....X or Y or whatever the fuck I'm classified as a part of.
For the last 5-6 years, I just decided to be myself and be out there, and anyone who stayed around was 'really' my friend.
I don't think as many true friends judge you as you think...I don't know you and I have only thought positive things about you, ESPECIALLY when you tell a lot about yourself and are revealing of the true you.
Including this post.
Sounds like a great realization. Every 6 months or so I go through my Facebook friends list and delete the names of the people that i have not messaged or thought about in the last many months. It really is freeing.
Sarah
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