Wednesday, August 19, 2009

And Oh, how I pray...

Oh, how I pray.


Do you pray? REALLY pray? I mean, REALLY REALLY?

Oh, how I pray.

A prayer that makes you break into a cold sweat. One of such intensity it brings you to your knees. A feverish pleading with the forces that be. A hand wringing, heart beating, brow furrowed prayer. A desperate yet quiet cry and yet the response I get is, disappointingly, what I asked for - NOTHING.

You see, what I want, NO, what I NEED is nothing. I scream for it, for space. I beg for it, for time. I dream of it, a vacuum. I sacrifice for it, for silence. Sweet elusive silence.

AND Oh, how I pray.

Please, god, buddha, mother earth, PLEASE, where is the off switch?

There is no psychologist, no drink, no pill that quiets her voice.

Eyes open or closed, asleep or awake, ever present she speaks. Every fear, contradiction, judgement, change, difference, and opinion. Every scenario, possibility, and action. Every blink, every risk, every danger. She speaks. Without hesitation or even pause for breath, she rambles on, droning past intention and pleadings...

And OH HOW I PRAY, just for one minute, PLEASE let there be silence.

There is no TV show, no nature walk, no song that stops her dialog, her voice.

Am I crazy? Or am I just that sharp? Oh, how I pray for dullness. Oh, how I pray for mediocrity. Oh, how I mouth the words in silent imitation of my deepest desire - for there to be no voice.

For stillness.

Presence.

Silence.

Peace.

2 comments:

Mintzworks August 20, 2009 at 4:20 AM  

hm.


























how was that?

MilesPerHour August 21, 2009 at 4:31 AM  

I have been exactly where you are when it comes to prayer. What I have found is that lke many things in life, if we let it come to us instead of chasing it we are much better off.

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