Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Previously unpublished from 3/8/2007

Seems I haven’t make any progress at all... sigh...

Gosh, isn’t it funny how things kinda compact down on you? My life is great and slowly getting better, yet at the same time I feel like I’ve stretched myself a bit too thin these last couple of months. Besides an outrageous amount of time spent at work, I’m traveling the country, volunteering for the “Make-a-Wish”, I’m working on my own personal betterment with counseling, I’m doing 4-5 nights a week of exercise at my yoga studio, and my “SCHEDULE” has become a bit tight. But what do I give up?

I just don’t know what to do. Giving up even 1 thing makes me distraught. I WANT so much. I want to experience every possible thing in this life. I also want to be perfect. I feel that if I keep cranking things up a notch I’ll be smarter and funnier and more capable and more fit and make more money and somehow it just doesn’t work that way. I want to plant a garden, I want to cook, I want to shop, I want to take my dog to the park, I want to sit at home and paint my nails, I want to read a book, I want to SLEEP!! I want to DO too much.

And this all happens to me long before I consider wanting to have friends, or a boyfriend, or any sort of relationship. Now I find myself torn between all these options. It’s been recently mentioned that my life is like a scheduled chaos. I suppose so.

TRUST ME, I WANT TO DO whatever it is that you are suggesting. It just takes a great deal of mental energy to come to a feasible way I can make that happen AND still get done what I want and NEED to accomplish.


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