The end of an era... and other dumb stuff.

Well, no one goes to rehab sober right? As I've seen my life spin wildly out of control these last few months I've realized it's time for a change. My addiction has affected my life negatively in the following ways...

Ok ok... so I'm just talking about Mountain Dew and food... But I have decided to go on a diet starting tomorrow and I'm drinking my last glorious mt dew right now. AHHHH.... I've notified my friends and family of my new commitment to stop drinking soda and hopefully they support me. If I'm grumpy, it's nothing personal, I SWEAR!

Anyways, there are so many things I can write about, but now I'm drawing a blank. As usual, it's Sunday and I'm here at work. So much stuff to do. It never ends! Why, you ask, am I writing a blog then? Good question. I should probably get back to work!!!

I have to leave to go to "meeting" (church) in about an hour anyways. UGH... that's such a kink in my day.

Tomorrow morning I have to drop my car off at the service center. The air conditioner is on the fritz. Sometimes it works, sometimes it blows hot air even when on cold. Gotta get THAT straightened out before summer hits. I keep hearing people say - What's with this weather, I can't wait for it to quit messing around and get warm.

UMMMM... HELLO!!! You WANT it to get warm? (This is 90% my boyfriend who just built a pool and wants an excuse to start using it... but still) I was just in Laughlin, NV last Monday and Tuesday. It was 109 degrees there. I can personally tell you, I am NOT ready for it to be warm. UGH! NO NO NO! It was so hot, that at one point I actually had to go in the office and sit down for a second.

So yeah, I do need to get back to work. We've got a new hire starting tomorrow and she'll be in my office for the next couple of weeks. I really do prefer to work alone so this will take a little getting used to.

But, now you all know I'm still alive. Just busy. Same old lame story. Just running from one thing to the next. I almost feel like I need to take vacation from my life so I can straighten out things. Do any of you ever feel like that? Is there ever a break for you to catch your breath or is that just how things are now-a-days?

K, I'm off. TTYL!

Sigh...

I’m sure this entry will jump all over the place. Let me start out with this preface:

THIS DOESN’T APPLY TO YOU. THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU. JUST IGNORE IT AND LET ME SAY WHAT I NEED TO SAY. Thank you :)

Now, I know I have a lot of pet peeves. I’m a pretty particular person actually. In fact, it’s been told to me it’s probably damn near impossible to live with me or be in any sort of relationship with me because of the high expectations I place on myself and others. Plus, I know I like things to be “just so” and in a certain “order” and for the “right reasons”... You know all that annoying crap that people get tired of dealing with? LOL Anyways...

Here’s a pet peeve for you. WHY?? WHY do you bother to email me, if you are simply going to call me LITERALLY FIVE SECONDS later to ask me if I got your fucking email? Jesus christ - if it is that important, wouldn’t you just call me FIRST? SIGH. DO NOT do this people!! If you email me and I (soon after) walk by, do not ask me if I got your email. My mail auto checks itself every FOUR MINUTES. I WILL GET TO IT! I’m already one of those annoying people who immediately responds to email, but at least give me 5 minutes to type my reply before you are calling me to see if I got it. GOD I HATE THAT!

Ever come to a point in your life where you realize your age and you’re okay with it? By that I mean, not that I’m okay with being “old” but just that I’m ready to act my age. Embrace my own maturity. Does that mean I’m not goofy and dumb and spontaneous and cool and all those things anymore - I don’t think so. But while 21 and 25 may seem different, there is SUCH A HUGE difference between 23/24 and 28/29. I’ve already been married and divorced... bought and sold houses... I’m done with school. I have a 401k. My mom is not listed on my bank account. And I can say I’m okay with that! I have my career. My furniture and appliances are things that I paid for with my own hard earned money, not hand me downs and that’s how I want it to be.

That being said, I’m probably not in the healthiest place right now. I’m healthy, but I’m a bit stressed. I’m juggling a lot. A lot in my home life, my personal life, my work life, and I even have some medical issues to sort thru. When these things happen upon me (and trust me, life is like a never ending roller coaster, this “point” has come and gone before and will come again) I sort of have a routine I fall into until it passes. Such as:

When my life is hectic and cluttered, I LOCK down my house. I clean and scrub and organize until there is not ONE thing to do. It’s mopped and polished to perfection. This is almost like a physical manifestation of my brain. A way of cleaning up all the clutter, sorting thru my thoughts, and refocusing myself. Then as I’m going about my day and I have a panicked moment where I think UGH, I have to go home and clean, I can go “No wait, everything at home is fine. That is your haven. It’s sparkling clean and awaiting your return.”

And upon my long drive towards my home I even secretly pray that no one be there. You know that quiet celebration you have when you know you have the house to yourself? Where you don’t have to be considerate, you can play music at 6 am when you take a shower or turn the TV up as loud as you want! Those are the moments I cherish. I suppose because I it is physically impossible for me to relax around others. I WILL ALWAYS have some sort of dialog in my head (a constant evaluation of the circumstances) to make sure everyone is happy, and what I should do, and how I should act, etc etc. But then I’m home alone and it’s just me. I don’t have to worry about ANYTHING or ANYONE!

Somehow having roommates on spring break doesn’t help me work thru this particular time in my life. I had to be the uncool old lady who shut down the drunken impromptu party thrown at 3am last Friday night. How uncool am I? Tuesday night I mopped and straightened and scrubbed the counters downstairs. I haven’t vacuumed yet, but that’s this weekend because I’m going to steam clean the carpets. However, yesterday they had a BBQ. I left work after an 11 hour day and chose to go work out some of my anxiety with 2 hours of intense yoga practice instead of being brow beaten at church or pretending to be cool at the BBQ. Got home at 9pm and the party was still in full swing. I realized I still wasn’t relaxed enough to entertain any of the youngin’s partying in my living room. I just needed things to be quiet. So I grabbed the dog and went to my boyfriends. He was just about the sweetest and had dinner made and even a glass of wine. We chatted for a bit and then went to bed in a quiet and empty house. Aaahhhh.

However, upon returning this morning at 6am I was just as surprised to NOT find my clean little slice of heaven. Cases of beer everywhere. Food left out. Things moved around. Oh, and even someone sleeping on my couch. Sigh... See what I mean about feeling your age?

Of course they will clean it up and it was 6am, but no one has the attention to cleaning detail that I have. I mean, it bothers me just knowing there is a dirty bathroom in my house even if I never use it, let alone when the mess and clutter migrates its way down to the living area where I have to be.

Now here they are, reading this and feeling guilty or bad. I will require that you read my disclaimer again at the beginning of this blog. This isn’t about you. This is about me. This is about the place in life where I am right now. I didn’t come home to a dirty house. I came home to a cluttered brain. I wasn’t upset that you threw a party. It’s your house too. I’m just tired and stressed out.

But as with everything, I lack the ability to really let something go until I say it/type it/write it. You know, release it into the universe. Now I’ve done that and I feel better. Party on Wayne!

Ever notice...?

Ever notice how things move in slower motion than a John Woo film?
(Yeah, thats right, I said it. You know Mission Impossible II was only a 20 minute movie in slow motion dragged out to 2 hours)

I mean, I swear to god - I’m just trying to drive from Joann’s Fabrics to my house. That’s less than 4 miles I’m sure! SLOW MOTION people... The traffic lights, the acceleration, the lane changes.... Tom Cruise could have done 3 or 4 spinning kicks AND a motorcycle jump in John Woo land before these people could figure out which one was the gas pedal. Ok, truth be told I’m really enjoying this segment of my blog. Crackin myself up I tell ya!

Ever notice something about yourself that you already knew, but then it hits you RIGHT between the eyes? Like I always say I’m an emotional eater. Listen people... I AM AN EMOTIONAL EATER! I just got it today. I was sitting there at work and things got really hectic for a second - phone calls, people paging me, computers breaking, a phone call from my mother... ALL AT ONCE. Guess who blurts out “I’m STARVING!” I wasn’t really hungry, but I had this unbelievable urge to eat. WILD...

Ever notice that you’ve packed your life so full of activities that you never have a moment to rest? I know some of you feel me on this one. Every once in a while I have a bit of an emotional breakdown. When do things slow down? When can I get ahead? How do I decide which thing to let go when I love every single thing I’m doing right now? I don’t know if I could live with myself if I accepted defeat and just went back to being ordinary. I think that’s my realization... I don’t want to be normal, I want super powers. I want to be perfect. I want to be a go to person for EVERYTHING. I want to be super woman. People have started to tell me I’m looking tired. Asking me if I’m “ok” in that weird way where they are really telling you the stress is written all over your face. I keep thinking, no I just need to get better, faster, smarter, more focused, more organized and then I can have it all. Unfortunately, that just brings more responsibility my way.

I know I have a tendency to hoard things... to do them myself so I know they will be done right. Well, so so sadly, I looked at my “to do” list and realized there is nothing left to delegate. It’s 16 things (all work, not even in my personal life) and it’s all ME baby. You know, those things that would take you longer to teach someone than to do yourself. Sigh. Can someone please come over and take my dog for a walk? Take my dry cleaning? Clean my house? Put gas in my car? I need a personal assistant I think. Any takers? no....? :( :( oh... :(

Ever notice that there is a crisis going on with the female gender? Sure girls can get fake nails and do their hair perfectly and shop all day and night... But can they arrange flowers in a vase? Can they throw a dinner party? Can they cook? Are they clever? I’m not just talking about women who stay at home and have all day to refine their craftiness. I work... TRUST ME. But it’s like talking to a brick wall sometimes when it comes to coming up with an original thought. I want to be A WOMAN. Confident and strong, but still cute.. still a compliment to any environment.

Ever notice that you’ve written WAY too much and you have stuff to do? I have to go be crafty now and make a Miss America sash that says “Birthday Boy 2007” on it for this guy at work tomorrow because it’s his birthday and that’s what I do. Have a nice night.

Georgia Peach...

More like Georgia deep fried turkey. These people haven't seen a vegetable or fresh piece of fruit EVER! I know it seems like I'm harping on food all the time, but it certainly is different over here.

Seems the coleslaw here in Georgia is much better than I remember it being in North Carolina. But every vegetable that's come my way has been cooked with a ham hock, laced with beef, or soaked in broth of some sort. Yesterday, I shed a small tear when they offered pasta salad and some green beans. Today was macaroni and cheese and green beans. I was very happy today too. I over ate! I'm sure I've gained 5 lbs. I'm probably at 4,000 calories a day.

Also, it must have been quite some time since I've had big red gum. Did they add some sort of cayenne pepper to it OR WHAT? I'll never buy it again. I bought multipack for all the guys and took a piece and my tongue BURNS. sometimes you just need gum though, so now i'm forced to keep trying this over and over. It's like fire! So then i look at the package and it has a little FLAME on it! Do people really like cinnamon to be that strong?

I wish other people could share my fascination with RV's with me. I'm in AWE of every detail. From the community, to the money, to the business side of it (Sales, salespeople, finance) to the decor/design/advertising, and industry. Do you have any idea how many MILLIONS of dollars I'm sitting here looking out at? Most of you have stopped reading this by now. That's too bad because I was just going to tell you how amazing it is to see these MASSIVE machines drive around. The spaces they fit them in is AMAZING to me.

I miss my yoga classes. It's just impossible to do anything here. I especially hesitate to bend and stretch and breath with all these guys around here. So cut out all exercise and add triple the unheatlhy food - it's not a good combo. My stomach isn't feeling so well right now. I'm starting to suspect those delicious green beans were cooked in chicken broth. They were so salty and good. SIGH.

This is starting to be a really long post isn't it?

Well, I guess I'll wrap it up for now and try to do some work. Or maybe I'll attempt to find a way to keep myself awake since my boss and I went on a grand adventure looking for something cool to do and didn't get back until after 2am! And that left me with only 4 hours sleep!

Cheezits & Mt Dew

Who’s with me here? What’s your favorite indulgence? I think I could LIVE on Cheezits and Mt Dew. I’d die at 35, but OMG I would enjoy every snacking moment!!! My 2nd favorite is Cherry Coke and some sort of chocolate. Like those chocolate donettes. Or a Mr Goodbar. Something like that. MMMM MMMM

Anyways, I’m only obsessing on that stuff because I’m trying to be good here. And my boss isn’t making it easy for me. He and I both LOVE soda. And as an attempt to make each other feel less guilty about drinking it, we will buy each other a soda so we don’t have to drink it alone. We both leave on Sunday for Georgia, we just went live with a new computer system, etc etc. Things are busy. So he comes in today with a soda and I was like - YOU HAVE TO STOP THIS... It’s a SICKNESS! And he was like “We’re going out of town anyways, this week is shot, just drink it! Ok, I’m drinking it. UNDER DISTRESS! Yeah right. LOL. He’s too nice to me.

Although, after all this yoga (etc) I am noticing my body looks different. I haven’t really lost any weight (maybe 3 - 4 lbs) but I just feel BUFF! I mean, I have some serious muscles going on in my arms and my legs. Even my stomach. It’s not that there’s any less of me, but it is definitely moving around somehow. I LIKE IT! I feel really good about myself :) I know it’s kinda cheesy to most of you with the hug yourself, love yourself yoga thing, but I don’t care what you all say now. I’m happy, I’m like myself, and I’m starting to get majorly healthy.

So I’m starting to get excited about my trip to Georgia. Don’t ask me why. Macon, GA isn’t exactly a cool place. Although I did just find out that on our way back home we are going to be spending the night in Atlanta for St Patricks day. Yup Yup, me and the PERV crew drinking in the ATL. LOL! Am I gangsta or what? 1 bad part tho is that we fly out at the ungodly hour of 6am. Think that’s bad enough? Well, apparently the time changes that morning so we lose an ADDITIONAL hour. That means by the end of Sunday I’ll have lost essentially FOUR HOURS. sigh. Not everything can be perfect right?

OH!! and for any of you interested, we’re doing some awesome stuff for the make a wish foundation here at my work. I’m on the committee. If any of you like Gold Canyon Candles, let me know! We are selling them to raise money (Over 50% of the proceeds go towards our goal!) Also, we are having a huge company sponsored yard sale at the beginning of April. If you have old clothes or toys or furniture or ANYTHING you just want gone - let me know. You will get a receipt from Make-a-Wish for a tax write off and then we will sell the stuff at the yard sale. The little girl we are sponsoring is named Ashley. She’s 6 and has kidney tumors that keep her isolated in the house and on chemotherapy. Her wish is to go to Disneyland with her family in May.

Ok folks - that’s it for me. I gotta get back to work. Have a good one!