Wednesday, July 9, 2008

More Mars Truths

The things I would like to cover in this blog are:
1) I have the potential...
2) I am not slow...
3) Super America...

I have the potential!
Recently it seems I have been doing a lot of driving. And boy oh boy do people get on my nerves. All I want to do is drive. Drive FAST. Drive AT LEAST the speed limit for the love of god! Why we have to play these machismo games I will never know. Can't you just move aside and let me go? Or can't you just stay still and let me pass you? Why must you speed up, slow down, cut in front of me, brake check me and try to POLICE ME? So this is where I have potential...

Given the wrong combination of circumstances, I have the potential to lose my mind and drive right into the back of you and just push you right off the road. Some day I'm going to do it. I'm sure of it. Isn't that the "Fried Green Tomatoes" line? I'm older and I have more insurance... RIGHT? Watch out! Sadly I am NOT kidding.

I am not slow

So besides driving a lot, I also shop a lot. And not just clothes shopping. I shop for work, grocery shopping, errands - you just never know. But I'll tell you one thing I do know. I don't mess around. I am a list maker and a credit card user. I know how to shop the isles, load my cart, get the stuff thru check out, swipe my card, load back up and I'm out. I'm efficient and methodical. I am NOT slow.

SO WHY OH WHY are people always rushing me thru the check stand? I have waited so patiently while old biddies try to figure out how to write their checks or use the debit machine for the FIRST TIME. I have waited behind people with their drooling children and their checker running back and forth for prices or replacements or lost items. But every time I get in the god damned line there is some bitch behind me that is so up on my ass I might as well attach her shopping cart to my ass. I have literally had them bump me with their cart. Touch me with their body. Be close enough to smell my breath. There is NO NEED - let me repeat N O N E E D to ever do this to me. I AM NOT SLOW. Are there no social graces anymore? No 3 foot rule?

My personal space is very important to me. That being said, I'm very VERY AWARE when someone is in my space. I can't even control my face as my jaw drops and my eyes widen and I stare back at them mouth agape at the audacity that someone would actually bump me with their fucking cart FOR NO REASON AT ALL because I AM NOT SLOW!

Super America

I do seem to do a lot of traveling. As I cross over the country I sometimes think about California and how different it is from every other state. Where we have laws on top of laws. Where you can't smoke inside. Where you have to wear a bicycle helmet. Where we have such diversity! And not just in language or in people or in selection or food but even in terrain. I think of California and I think it is the greenest most fertile land you'll ever find. Hell, Fresno is KNOWN as the fruit basket of the world! Yet you drive across the sterile open plains of Minnesota and your breath is taken back by how GREEN it is. Everything looks like this!

I've never seen more green! I also notice how slow moving people are. How everyone looks and sounds the same! How there are limited options for everything. I don't like it. I also have these moments where I realize that these places aren't as free thinking and accepting as I would hope for either! Also, where are the toilet seat covers? Why do the gas stations not serve fountain drinks? How come everyone calls it "pop" here and not soda. It's like being in a foreign country!

Humor me for a second though. The most popular gas station here is the SUPERAMERICA! My God - what is this place?! It's fucking super though! It's like it's BETTER THAN AMERICA! Somehow - I know its a stretch, but SOMEHOW I fear this represents the close minded feverish judgment of the people 'round here.

Also, am I the only one that finds this ...
to be the biggest marketing error to happen in a long time. I drive by this place every morning and it makes me laugh. I finally had to take a picture. HA! In case you can't see it, it is called the "Kum and Go" and the cashier wears a Kum & Go tie and a Kum & Go shirt and it's on everything. Really???? It's SO funny!

Also, thank you to all who called or emailed me happy birthday. It really meant a lot to me. 30 is a big deal to some of us I guess. I think I'm doing okay actually. I wasn't ecstatic about having to wear tie dye on my birthday, but I couldn't imagine being around a better group of people. Seriously! They all got together and sang me happy birthday and I got the cutest musical card and a gift certificate to the apple store. Do they love me or what?

Also, as you know I love to read. I've got books backed up on the shelves I can't wait to get to. I'd say there are a couple books out there that are windows into my soul. If you really want to get to know me I have some "recommended reading" for you! 1st you can read "The Cult of Perfection" and learn about how I work inside and out. 2nd "eat, pray, love"... It's not so much a book I would say that a guy would enjoy reading, but if that 'said guy' wants to know everything there is to know about my brain heart and soul, then you might want to leaf thru those two books. :)


justme October 8, 2008 at 10:23 AM  

Okay, so I am not stalking you, just checking out your back-blog as I said I was going to in my first response...and work is a bit slow right now and surfing blogs is damn ADDICTING....

That being said, I HAVE to take a second and defend my homeland :) It is TOTALLY not sterile land, we grow lots of stuff around here ;0). You are right, it is VERY green (when it's not covered in white) and it has it's own beauty.

I HATE Super America (or SA as it is referred to) and they ARE everywhere. I prefer my locally owned gas station.

I completely agree about Kum-n-Go's; who the hell thougth of that?!? I am pretty sure they only have those in Iowa, though!! (We have this thing around here with making fun of Iowa...) The first time I saw one I felt the same way, LOL.

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