Now I will continue my rant...

Ok, it is now after 1am and I'm ready to finish my thoughts from before.

I had a discussion today with my friend Anthony who says I need to learn to "move past" flaws in movies to see the good points. Of course, this to me is just saying, if there are FLAWS I can't look past. then it's NOT a good movie. Like War of the Worlds. I'm just saying (and if you like it let me know, cuz this just could affect our friendship) which of you were watching it and saw the earth, THE ACTUAL EARTH SPLIT APART into vast chasms of alien terror... could make sense of WHY the crowd was so mesmerized as to walk forward and say, "Golly gee, i wonder what's down there in that big ole hole?" I couldn't "move past" it. The whole rest of the movie, all I could think was, people don't act this way. Who does that? That is SO stupid. To defy the very base of human nature. Of course, then end would only have been less stupifyingly brutal if had pulled my own shoe off and beat myself in the head.

(Warning this next one is a sensitive subject) And yes, I know this movie was VERY popular and apparently you all have known the story from birth and it just "IS" sensible to you, BUT SINCE WHEN are you in a labratory that experiments on spiders and one gets loose and BITES YOU... DO YOU NOT GO TO THE HOSPITAL? Obviously you all are FOND of Spiderman. I'm just saying, I couldn't move past it. I had apparently not learned the story in my blessed 20+ years and was flabergasted when the man goes home and he's got shit spewing out his wrists and he's writhing around in pain and HE DOESN'T GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM? That was the stupidest movie EVER. I did NOT see the 2nd one.

Alright, it's 1:30am and now I'm tired. I feel better having that off my chest and will sleep soundly now.

Goodnight all!

Life Realizations and contradiction

So, I've been meaning to write for a while. Sorry for the delay.

Figured I'd cover a few things mentioned in my title.

Life:

Life is good.

Realizations:

1) I don't like leaving the house. I mean, I do... but now that I work from home, leaving the house leaves me a nervous wreck. I just attempted to take someone across town at 5:00. Rush hour traffic in the dark. I've experienced everything from panic and extreme nausea to burning anger. I have arrived home and I am just a mess. The crazy idiots out on the road driving their raised F350 dually's who blind my low riding sports cars rearview mirror, then pass me on the RIGHT SIDE of the street, only to be trapped in front of me so that I am incapable of seeing over or around ANYTHING while they speed up to 50 and then slam on their breaks is more than my little hermit heart can handle. I am seriously shaken.

On a lighter note...

2) I have a serious shoe thing. For all these years that I denied my girly side. Now that I'm coming into my own, I really really have a love for expensive shoes. I just enjoy looking at them. Touching em. Trying them on. I mean, do i even need to mention "PURCHASING" them? It's not like a sex equivalent or anything, but seriously, I went to the mall the other day. And I just LOST MY MIND. I had been eyeing this pair of "Coach" Whitney D'Orsay pumps, and I just said, screw it. I BOUGHT THEM! It was like a shot of heroin (assuming that's a pretty good high since i've never tried heroin) I haven't even worn them yet, but i just open the closet and look at them. Oh my god, do I love them SO MUCH! I am just making my pledge now to not sell myself cheap at Ross anymore. I always shop at the cheap places trying to pull together an expensive look on a paupers budget and I'm just quiting that! I'd rather have 1 pair of $220 shoes that will always look good and last forever than 10 pairs of $20 shoes that hurt my feet, look cheap and break after a few months.

Contradictions:

So there, I've said it. I like expensive things. I REALLY like expensive shoes. And I've been reading a lot of hate blogs about women. How shallow they are. How they feel they wear a certain uniform. How much time and money they could save if they put their energy into learning instead of getting that brazillian wax.

Well, fuck it. Maybe it's the woman in me that takes whatever I read or hear or see and tries to apply it to myself, but I can't do that anymore. Yes, I wear thong underwear, get my nails done, have streaked hair, tan, and get waxed. Does that mean I'm some sort of wanna be porn star? Some superficial plastic whore with her designer bag and expensive shoes? NO...

I also own a $2,200 dog and drive a sports car and I have my tongue pierced and I have a tatoo. I'm sorry. I love my puppy. I love my car. I've had my tongue ring before all you posers (7+ years now) and my tattoo means a lot to me. And having my nails done makes me feel pretty. SO WHAT DO YOU CARE? But my lesson is life is this.

You just have to be ok with who you are. I'm not some fat goth chick who really wants attention by strapping my gynormous breasts into a leather bustier and making a scene. I'd like to think i'm somewhat modest. And people that get to know me will know that I am generous and grounded. That I recycle. That I'm a health conscious vegetarian. All I ever wanted to be was a domestic house wife. That I have some hippy tendencies in there. That I donate my time and energy to good causes. I can be nerdy. BUT that overall, you can't keep comparing yourselves to others to know that you are a good person.

You just have to be what you are, use reason and apply balance to your life and things will be ok. I am a contradiction. This vegetarian just spent over $200 on a pair of leather shoes. SO WHAT? I use canvas bags at the grocery store, but I REFUSE to turn the water off the whole time I'm brushing my teeth. SO WHAT? Maybe people like me annoy you. I don't know.

SO WHAT? I'm me. I like you... I hope you like me. It's taken me 27 years to say "I LIKE ME"... and I do.

Now I've gotta go give myself a pedicure. SEE YA! LOL

My Hate List

(This is the list that started it all...)
My Hate List... READ IT - It's FUNNY!

That being said, here's somethings I hate!


People who say 'holla at your boy'

Profiles that say 'I'm an open book' but say nothing ELSE about them

People who inspire acts of Road Rage!! Why would you drive slow in the fast lane? WHY? It is by nature

Microsoft Windows (Because MAC RULES!)

Target because their fucking icon is a dog, but they don't allow dogs inside!

McDonalds because they don't offer ANYTHING vegetarian and their website won't even allow you to send a comment (I NEED TO BE HEARD - how dare they refuse my right to give them my opinion!)

AT&T for selling to Cingular - the crappiest service ever called a SERVICE

Going to any eating establishment, asking for Mt Dew and having the waitress say "Sorry, we don't have Mt Dew, but we have Sprite!... SINCE WHEN does Sprite being in a fucking green bottle make it ANYWHERE NEAR Mt Dew? I HATE THAT!


People who can't accept that the potato is BY FAR the purest most versatile vegetable to ever grow from the ground!

People who say "Spank You Very Much" - I'm sorry, that's gay!

Someone has to say it... Carls Jr commercials. Are meat eaters and men really SO retarded that they can't even make their way in and out of a grocery store? And seriously, the dripping and the messiness... I am not in their demographic AT ALL!

THE MULLET! Now granted, I love to stare in FASCINATION at people who have them, but Jesus Christ, it's just not a good look FOR ANYONE!

People who insist on changing their cell phone ring tones in public. Just because YOU are bored while waiting for your waitress or a movie to start or whatever, DO NOT subject me to the constant noise pollution of your idiotic habit!

When you tell a waiter/waitress that you are a vegetarian in order to ask questions about the menu and they say... do you eat fish? Since when did a fish lose its classification as a living animal?

Bible beaters.... Seriously if your life has been so sheltered that all you have is a book to thump and a name to say OVER AND OVER AND OVER again and that actually offers you solutions and brings you comfort then GOOD FOR FUCKING YOU, but keep it to yourself, some of us have other things in this world and other ideas and we don't want or need you to keep repetively shoving it down our throats. When passing judgement, blackmail, fear, or shame become 2nd hand nature to you and seem like something NORMAL or good, then you need a wake up call that even i'm not qualified to give you! Enough said!

People who try to add you but never send you a message! How is this defined as "Friend?"

People who type in all caps. Are ya kiddin me? Its crazy talk - just plain crazy. I instantly know you aren't quite right in the head if I'm getting a letter or an email and it's in all CAPS.

People who perpetuate chain letters, urban legends, and stuff that's just STUPID! No, there's not blood in ketchup, needles in movie seats, or AIDS on shopping cart handles... NO, that's not the latest virus - or you would have heard about it on every news station on the planet... NNNOOO, forwarding that shit does not make something pop up on your screen, give you the answer to a joke, or make you money. Or did it just not work the last 200 times, but your willing to try it again? GOSH! Make the idiocy stop!

Women who don't know how to cook. My generation and those after me are in serious crisis

Story of my life

This is something I wrote... It's not really applied to anyone specific, but could work for just about everyone... My mom, my ex husband... you know...

Out of myself I give everything
Asking nothing in Return
But its the world i need to make mine
Better take it quick, it has to be on time

Empty & aching I push thru your attitude
I never needed you
It's strength I'm making
It's you I'm faking
It's my life I'm taking

Your selfish agenda comes too soon
Actions show you never cared
I prove myself while you sit & stare

I thought one person couldn't change the world
But you did it to me quietly
I thought I needed love to see light
But you burned me ever so slightly

It's a black night & a bright white all at once
I feel sick, but still I wait for you to change your mind
To sit by me and feed me praise
Raise me up with your lies
Under your skin I can see behind your eyes

But now I understand
It's you who brought me into this world
But took everything I am

What have I become?

So, I'm pretty much completely amused by myself this week. 2004 was quite the year of revelations and of coming into my own (finding myself, etc) I think if i was in high school and I could look into the future and seen me I would've just killed myself right then and there to prevent such a tragedy. EXCEPT, I'm actually pretty happy with myself now.

I suppose I should tell some BRIEF history (you'll have to email me for details of the bigger picture if you care) But I've always felt like I had to prove something. That crying was weak. Femininity was weak (especially in the business world) And if you knew the details of my failed marriage, that I also had to be the man in my relationship. So there was no balance and I found myself in Khaki pants and flats, baggy clothes, and all black (NEVER EVER to wear pink or lace or flowers etc)

So yesterday, I'm in Wal-mart and I just CRACKED MYSELF UP. I'm standing there in a pink lowcut top, tight black jeans, pink heels, the cutest pink fuzzy ring, I've got my yorkie under my arm in his pink purse and I'm buying candles and pink nail polish!!! OH MY GOD - what have I become???!!!

Apparently, I'm a bit OVERLY excited w/ my newfound girly outlook (i'm assuming it will mellow over time) I HOPE IT MELLOWS OVER TIME...

Anyways, along w/ my New found GIRL, I just finished watching the Eagles game, which I can admit I woke up early for and actually LIKED IT! Apparently I'm just all over the map. So now the whole world knows! I WEAR PINK AND I WATCH FOOTBALL.

WHEW - I SAID IT!

I'm pretty happy. But what do you say?