Sitting with Jealousy...

SOOO, I haven’t written in a while. And I really hate that when i do feel the urge to write it’s perceived as negative... I don’t know if I’d really call this negative as much as I’d call it growth though.

I think I’m just having a hard time with jealousy. And not jealousy about dating and relationships, etc. But more about THINGS. I suppose that’s even worse because it’s selfish and shallow and doesn’t really “MATTER”... But I’m finding that it’s bothering me. And I find myself coming back to a lot of - I wish, I want, I need... and they are all mostly materialistic things.

I wish I could afford to get my nails done...
I want new furniture, new pictures for my bedroom, a new car...
I need new clothes, new shoes, jewelry...

See what I mean? It’s almost embarrassing to admit.

So, that’s what I’ve been sitting with. I started something new a few weeks ago. I decided to start writing a gratitude journal. It’s not about material things but just whatever happened during my day I was thankful for. A friend, a smile, a good meal... something positive and truly appreciated. I know this has been a problem for me so I wrote about all the things that I’m thankful for that I already have. I won’t say it fixed anything because the next day I went on a grand adventure through river park and realized I “need” new plates for my kitchen from Sur Le Table... and “want” a new trench type jacket from White House/Black Market, and “Wish” I could just shop all day like many of rich kept women that I know :(

Sigh... I’ll keep sitting with this... And maybe if I’m smarter with the money I DO make, I’ll come out ahead and be able to make that future I want a reality. (Not to be a kept woman... BTW! ... the other stuff ...)

Happy thoughts... positive thoughts... appreciative thoughts...